Monday, December 27, 2010

you guys didn't wish your christian readers a merry christmas. how rude.

That was a comment left for us by Anonymous on Mrs. Cullen's post (below). And that comment has left a smile on my face for a couple of hours after reading it. And no, it wasn't an evil, mocking smile. It was a genuine, I'm so happy, smile.

I'll tell you why I was happy. Whether you think I'm cuckoo for it, is up to you. After reading it, I had two thoughts cross my mind, Sir Anonymous is right, we didn't wish our Christian readers a merry christmas and maybe it was very rude.

The second thought being, OMG SOMEBODY cares about what we say!!!! YAYYY!! There is someone out there who genuinely cared whether or not we wished people Merry Christmas, and yes 'cared' is being used loosely here. Sir Anonymous was bothered or at least thought that it should be expected from this blog of random, rambling Muslim girls. And that makes me happy. I'm happy that even after all the highs and lows we have with this blog and even after how it feels like we're doing such a sluggish job, that our words DO matter. So, yayy

Anyways, to Sir Anonymous (And yes I am quite aware you could be a Madam, but let's just say I'm using the word 'Sir' VERY loosely) and to EVERYONE else that has, does, and will read our blog, I am sorry we didn't send out a holiday greetings, whether you celebrated Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas or Diwali and whatever else I may be missing.
I could give you all the reasons and excuses why each of us forgot to say anything for Christmas, including being out of the country, having blogging lows, being unsure as to which holidays to send greetings for, and some other reasons, but it doesn't really matter at this point. I wished random strangers a Merry Christmas, but I didn't say anything to my readers...that is rude.

So I wanted to say first of to all our Christmas celebrating readers, I truly hope you had a GREAT CHRISTMAS :)
I can honestly say that I love watching the spirit of giving and happiness that comes into people at this time of the year, every year.

And to those who celebrated Hanukkah at the start of December, of this soon to be ending year, I hope you had an amazing experience and your latkes were as yummy as they could be (I've been on a mission to make latkes since last year... and maybe there'll be another awesome youtube song next year...I flip my latkes in the air sometimes saying ayy ohh spin the driedel)

For all the Kwanzaa fans, I hope you're having a HAPPY KWANZAAA!!
For those that celebrated Diwali in November, I'm sorry we're a month behind in wishing that you had a great Diwali, and I hope the one for next year will be just as great as this year if not better.

And to everyone else whose holidays we missed this past year, I hope your holidays in the new year will be experiences filled with good things, happiness and success.

I hope our readers and especially Sir Anonymous can forgive us, if not completely then at least partially, and forgive us if we make the same mistake next year, because to be honest with you, we're not the most organized, efficient or best of humans and we tend to get caught up with our own lives and problems.

So forgive us? Okay? And I really do hope you had a great Christmas Sir Anonymous. Oh and thank you.

CC, out.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I can’t remember who my childhood hero was. I am pretty sure it was one of the power rangers. I was a big fan. And then as I grew a little older I thought my sister was the coolest person. And then it was my dad. Now…I don’t know. I am still my dad’s no. 1 fan.

But here and there you find a few people who you think are so cool. Or maybe not that cool, but they do have some amazing traits or abilities. I go through phases where I think so-and-so is so cool and I wish I could do this-or-that like him/her.

There is one person who I always thought was so cool. We didn’t always get along, but still, there was something about her that I adored. I liked how she is very smart, simple and not a follower. She has her own style. And I don’t mean clothing style (but that too). I just mean everything about her. The way she carried herself. And the things she did or did not do.

And its odd because I don’t get along with this person at all. I guess you can say we are not friends—by choice. Yet, I still admire her. Is that odd?

Anyway, recently I heard she stopped doing the things that she always stood up for. And it made me so sad. I think of myself as a weak, quitter and I hate when other people quit something that they once felt so strongly about. It’s kept me so bummed out for weeks. But I think I learned something from this. I think I need to stop living my dreams through other people. I think I can try to be the person that I always wanted her to be, inshallah.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

To be or not to be (my friend)

I have a question for all you intellectual individuals out there.

How do you form true long-lasting friendships?

Not the kind that just last through the four or more months of class you have together. Or the kind that are just there because you're parents are friends but you never really hit it off. Or the kind where you're just friends because you have a close mutual friend.

I'm talking about real, down to earth, selfless kind of friendship. What if you come to a point in your life where you're done with school and the friends you had all moving on, following their own life plans. Maybe you've started to grow apart, not physically, but perhaps mentally. You now have different goals, different interests. Or maybe you feel like you don't have time anymore.

But the reality is that when you have an intimate friend, you'll make the time to hang out and to update each other on your lives.

So thats my question. How do you form true long-lasting friendships?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Somalian Muslim women stands up to militia

Hawa Abdi is a Muslim OB-GYN in Somalia.

Abdi opened a camp for 90,000 people for people "displaced by civil war," a hospital, a school for 850 children (mostly girls), and a jail for men who beat up their wives, in response to the armed militias in the country.

The New York Times reported the militia Hizb al-Islam, a group that is against women taking powerful roles in the country, destroyed the hospital after Abdi refused to step down. The militia later said she could operate the hospital under their command. Again, she refused.

The Times reported Abdi's daughter Deqo Mohamedr, a doctor in Atlanta, asked her mother to give-in to the militia's demands.

"No! I will die with dignity," said Abdi.

Under pressure from Abdi's supporters, the militia group has since apologized, leaving her hospital battered behind.

Abdi is in the United States looking for donations to rebuild the hospital.

Read more:

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Hermit Kingdom

Disclaimer:This post is all over the place, so bear with me.

The only thing I've ever known about Korea and the Korean people are they make some interesting dramas that Controlled Chaos likes to watch/talk about.

And occasionally I'll join her and watch them too.

That's pretty sad, isn't it?

(My knowledge of the place is sad,not the fact that I watch the dramas.)

My friend, M, recently told me about a documentary about North Korea. Some of the stuff that she was talking about just seemed unrealistic and downright primitive that I had to watch the documentary myself.

So that's what I did this past weekend.

I watched the documentary National Geographic: Inside North Korea, reported by Lisa Ling.

A doctor from Nepal, Dr. Ruetz, was traveling to North Korea to perform cataract eye surgery on approximately 1000 inhabitants of North Korea. He was going treat cataracts of people from the age range of 5-70. All in one week. Lisa Ling joined this doctor, under the ruse of working for the medical team and filming the surgeries. Along with filming the surgeries she was also able to capture, interview, and document the life of people in North Korea.

North Korea is a communist country and is currently under the rule of Kim Jong Il. It is known as the "Hermit Kingdom", because of the government's successful attempt at keeping out anything foreign and allowing anything foreign to come in. The internet is banned. Cell phones are banned. And North Koreans teach their children to hate Americans and America. In the documentary, we see a mother singing a nursery rhyme with her young daughter that goes something like " The pathetic Americans kneel on the ground. They beg for mercy....." The country is basically isolated from the outside world. And Americans are not welcomed. North Koreans still blame America for the divide between North and South Korea. During her time there, Lisa Ling was the one and only American in the whole country.

People worship Kim Jong Il in a god-like way, that it's frightening. After successfully completing 1000+ cataract surgeries, the doctor that performed it was not thanked once. Instead each patient, ran to a picture of Kim Jong Il, praised him, thanked him, and vowed to do anything that he wanted them to do, and continuously talked about how indebted they are to him. I know a large part of it is due to fear. Many people fear the government, the soldiers, and fear for their lives and their family's lives and everything that at stake if they say anything against the ruler.

But the immense gratitude and loyalty that some people show their ruler makes you question and wonder sometimes what they are really feeling.One government minder that was escorting Ling and her camera crew around was extremely offended when one of the photographers laid on the ground in order to capture the full image of a statue depicting the "great" leader. He demanded that the photographer leave the country the next day.

What surprised me the post about the documentary (besides my lack of awareness) was how blinded, both literally and figuratively, the people of North Korea are. They have been brain washed to a remarkable extent that when questioned whether Kim Jong Il could do any wrong in their eyes, many stared baffle eyed at Lisa Ling, and said "We dont quite understand your question." Because in their eyes, he could do know wrong. The question made no sense to them. And I am well aware that there is only so much that they can do for themselves without putting their lives in danger. And when you are only being fed one thing over and over and over, after a certain period of time you become immune and accustomed to it. It becomes your life. Your only chance at survival, sometimes, is to accept it.

This documentary was filmed four years ago in 2006. The state of North Korea now? Probably still the same.

So as not to make this post super long, I just want to end here by saying that it's most peculiar that people are so quick to point fingers and accuse others of oppression/being oppressed. It makes one wonder why those same people dont raise more awareness of things like this, governments like this, rulers like this, that openly and belligerently restrict and suppress their people.

P.S. You can watch the full documentary here:

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Fire in Bangladesh garment factory kills 25, injures 100

Bangladesh News:
A Bangladesh garment factory fire killed 25 employees and injured 100 on Tuesday.

Reuters news wire reported the fire burned for five hours after starting on the ninth-floor on the Arifa Ahmed Complex.

Fifty people had serious burn and were taken to four hospitals in Ashulia. Others were caught in a stampede as people tried to leave the building.

The Air Force and soldiers helped rescue people from the building.

Many of the 10,000 employees who work at the complex are women.

Bangladesh is a country southeast of India, with a population of more than 162 million according to the World Food Bank, World Development Indicators. About 88 percent of the population is Muslim.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

It's snowing so much here. Where I am.

I just hope school is closed.

For a week.

But that's asking for too much.

So I'm just asking for school to be closed for a day. JUST ONE DAY. Please Dear God.

If we can close school cause of a gas leak, SURELY we can close school because of snow. That's supposedly going to turn into ice overnight.

I got a text from my co-worker:

If we have school tomorrow, I'm kicking the principal's $%#

And my response:

I'll join you!

Update: We got a snow day!!!!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Like a man with his head on fire...

I'm currently reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. And I'm literally forcing myself to read in a remarkably slow manner because I just dont want to lose a friend. And I know that the movie got some not-so-hot reviews which made people all of a sudden critique her book. Wasn't the book receiving all sorts of accolade not too long ago?

Some people said that the book has given women a false sense of hope that they can indisputably leave their lives, drop everything, become selfish, and travel the world. When put that way, of course it sounds preposterous. But nevertheless, so what if it is? Isn't that the whole purpose of books, television shows, and movies.

To escape reality?

Anyways all of that is besides the point, and my intention for writing this post wasn't necessarily to pay homage to the book (just yet).

On the other hand, I wanted to share an excerpt from it that serves as a reminder and I also felt most of us could connect with, one way or another:

Life continues to go on. Even the Italian post office will keep limping along, doing its own thing without you---why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is essential? Why dont you let it be?

I hear this argument and it appeals to me. I believe in it, intellectually, I really do. But then I wonder--- with all my restless yearning, with all my hyped-up fervor and with this stupidly hungry nature of mine--what should I do with my energy instead?

The answer arrives, too:

Look for God,
suggests my Guru. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for water.

-Elizabeth Gilbert-Eat, Pray, Love

Saturday, December 4, 2010

A word (or two) to the Unwise.

"Ok, everyone. Let's blend this word together and sound it out."

"K-i-l-t. Kilt."

"Who knows what kilt means? Or what is a kilt?"

::All hands in the classroom shoot up::

"Kilt is like you killing someone and murdering them."

"Kilt is not a verb. It is not when you kill someone"

::All hands shoot right back down::


"What's a crib?"

That's the place where you live.

"Ms. Attitude, I was finna do that?"

"You was finna do that? Is that the correct way to say that?"

"Oh sorry, I was going to finna do that."


"Who knows what a snob is?"

"Snob is when you are messy."

"No, that's a slob."

"Oh, oh, oh, I know! I know! "

"What is a snob?"

"Snob is when your nose is runny and boogers come out of it. Sometimes it even goes in your mouth."

"Ms. Attitude, he called me a name. It hurt my feelings."

"What did he say?"

"He called me boughed."

"Boughed? "


"What does boughed mean?"

"Boughed is like when you are boughed. It's like when you're mean. And you act uppity."



"Is boughed in the dictionary?"



"How do you spell boughed?"

"B-O-U-G-H-E-D. Boughed. "

"Wow. It's like a spelling bee. "

Sometimes I teach.

And sometimes they teach me.

And you thought it was a one way relationship.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Mid-week pick me up

Do you not see that God sends down rain from the sky and makes it flow as springs [and rivers] in the earth; then He produces thereby crops of varying colors; then they dry and you see them turned yellow; then He makes them [scattered] debris. Indeed in that is a reminder for those of understanding. (Qur'an. 39:21)

I was just going through the Qur'an when I came across this verse and thought I'd share. 

Friday, November 26, 2010

Why I Saved Myself

"So how he is in bed? I mean relatively comparisons to your exes."

"Actually, my husband was my first."

"WHAT?? Get outta here. How old are you?"


"Wow. That must have been liberating...long time waiting, huh?"

Surprisingly, for most females my chastity comes as a shocker. Apparently its a liberating experience to have sex; and even more liberating to have it casually just like men because at that point we're like equal genders. Right?

I mentor a bunch of high school girls in my community. We'll sit in my car and talk about their boy problems and how the guy they're talking to/texting/hanging out with is different. And to every single one of these girls I say the same line.

Boys just want to get in your panties. 

Really, I have a husband. I now know the male perspective all too well. And for some reasons many girls just don't buy it. Here's my take on it.

Boys want sex. Why? Because they have a build up of pressure and the release of an orgasm feels amazing. (Really amazing, actually)

Okay so now that they know they need sex what's next? Find a vagina to stick it in, preferably one that has legs. The finding part is usually really easy because girls nowadays are a) throwing themselves at guys like sex objects with their miniskirts, outrageous cleavage, and booty popping skills or b) wanting to be 'liberated' so are open to having casual sex for the pleasure.

Sex is more than just a physical release. Its more than just a one night fling. Its a beautiful experience of two people being as close as possible to each other, physically and hopefully emotionally too. In my humble opinion, girls that give themselves up are just vaginas boys are hoping to find.

I never wanted to be just a vagina. There's a lot more that comes with this package. I wanted my man to need more than whats in my panties. I wanted him to need me. And so came the Hubster who had to put in a LOT of effort to even come close to having sex with me. He had to pull his life together, know his purpose, foster a deep relationship with me, and finally, seal the deal with a ring and signature.

The Hubster sarcastically asked me the other day, "You think I really need you??"


"I think so too."

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Gobble Gobble

Its that time of year again.

When everyone goes home, spends time with family, eats turkey and stuffing, and thinks about the things they're grateful for.

Sounds all beautiful and flowery.

But there's a group of people in our country who don't join us in this turkey/gratitude celebration. Instead these people mourn this day as it commemorates the genocide of thousands of their ancestors.

The Native Americans.

The people who were here first living a peaceful life until the pilgrims came and exploited them then wrote down in history how amazing their relationship was and how everyone sat together on a long table on Thanksgiving and ate food they grew together.

So this Thursday, while we're eating our turkeys, lets think back and make a prayer for the amazing Native Americans who were massacred unjustly in our early history.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

It is as the tag says

So like the world is a happy place.

Or a really horrible, depressing place.

That's nice.

I have no idea where I'm going with that. I still have no idea where I was going with that.

Regardless, I seriously feel like I have NO idea what is going on with the world anymore or my friends. I just feel like I'm existing for the sake of a school that has taken over my life and all I want to do is run away and watch subtitled asian tv shows (when I say asian- I'm referring to korean, japanese etc).

Why subtitled Asian shows you ask?

I have no idea. Probably because they speak a language I've never had any interaction with, in places I've never heard much about other than the occasional news and "Made in" blank tags on my latest electronic device.

My lack of dedication to studying is astounding. But my increasing need to fight it in this phase of my life was even more astounding.

WAS...because I realize I can't fight it anymore or I'm seriously going to fail and never have a life one way or another.

And EVERY TIME I think I'm doing so much better I talk to two other students and take my exam and realize that there is seriously either something wrong with me or there is something really wrong with this school.

I'm having a hard time becoming accustomed to the concept of a constant commitment to studying. I really, really am. And I'm not asking for sympathy or pity because I'm pretty sure most of you would rather slap a person whining about that. And don't call me a whiner ...I hate that.

Anyways, I've been thinking about re-vamping (and not the Edward Cullen kind) this blog for sometime and I can't figure out what to do.

Oh and I heard Harry Potter's latest movie is hella awesome ( I don't normally use hella ..but my Californian friend does and it's kinda catchy after sometime...even if it's abnormally grammatically incorrect)

And Muslims celebrated their second Eid this past ...I think Wednesday...welll at least most of them did.

And that one goes back to the tradition of God telling Prophet Abraham (Peace be upon him) to sacrifice his son and upon seeing Prophet Abraham's willingness to do so, basically switched up his son with a sheep. And the sheep was sacrificed instead.

And so we all kinda follow in those footsteps....sacrificing a sheep part, not the human part obviously cuz I think it's pretty obvious from that story as well that God would never want you to 'sacrifice' someone else for His sake.

And the meat is supposed to be distributed to the poor most importantly, then family and friends or whoever.

All I know is that every time around this Eid we have our extra box freezer and our refrigerator packed with meat(every time the door bell rings, I can't help but pray that it's not someone dropping off meat) and all of a sudden we have a lot of meat that needs to be cooked and eaten...and I'm not a big meat person.

So I struggle with that.

And sorry to any vegetarian getting grossed by's like having someone write an entire post just saying poop, poop, poop. Even though they are on two opposite sides of the digestive system.

To be honest I'm not as easily grossed out anymore, in this past three months, I have touched poop, smelled poop, felt poop plenty of times inside people's intestines, carried a brain and watched it fall apart in my hands, been splattered by human body fat and juices, watch skin peel off human bodies, got splattered again, broke bones, heard bones break, heard the swish of fat and juice, sawed a skull in half, watched green poop come out of some one's anal canal, dissected a cow eye.


I watched people walk around with human eyes in their hands, got splattered by bone shreds, helped dissect a penis in half, even touched a penis a couple of times (this is from a person that never even said the word penis) smelled some of the most disgusting smell's of my life, had some human body part stuck to my shoe and/or hand, dropped my pencil in body juices and carried around a sticky pencil during an exam, had my hand inside a rectum couple of times (what your poop is in) and carried around a stench that just doesn't come out no matter what you do.

Yep, life doesn't get cooler than that...and that wasn't even everything.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Happy Eid


Hope everyone had a wonderful celebration and ate tons of delicious food! 


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Mrs. Cullen is Fasting

Dear Friends,

Muslims don’t only fast during Ramadan. There are many times throughout the year that we are encouraged to fast. (Ramadan is the only time it is required to fast.) Next week it will be a special day for us, a holiday, known as Eid. Eid is twice during the lunar calendar; once after Ramadan and then two months and ten days after that Eid. When we were kids we used to call them Big Eid and Little Eid. Haha. Sigh. I miss being a kid. Things were so simple.

Anyway, those last ten days are when many Muslims go for pilgrimage, Hajj. It’s a requirement to go for pilgrimage once in your lifetime, if you can afford it and are physically able to do so.

Anyway. While 2-3 million Muslims have gone for pilgrimage, it is encouraged that we, who are at home, fast those 10 days. It is also encouraged for us to spend these ten days doing extra good deeds like giving charity, being kind to your parents, etc.

So, I’ve been fasting the last few days and it’s been really nice, thank God. The days are really, really short. The sun sets around 5:45 pm (where I live) and that’s when I break my fast and eat!

I am really enjoying these fasts. It makes me feel good and its been helping me a lot with control. I spend a lot of days eating away, watching TV and surfing the Internet. But when I fast, I try to make the most of my day and try to avoid wasting my time. So, it makes me feel very productive, which makes me happy. Sigh. And I like being happy. The biggest thing I get from fasting is learning control. I have issues with eating. I’m basically in love with it. And fasting teaches me to appreciate the food I have and to consume it in a healthy manner and portion.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever completely learn how to control my love for food so the only thing I can do is fast frequently. But I don’t mind that....

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sometimes I really think the world is going to hell...

...particularly when I watch/listen/hear/read about things in the news.

When I was in junior high, I used to be obsessed with the weather. Like, I really needed to know whether it was going to be cold, hot, rainy, snowy, foggy, or humid outside the following day. This obsession followed me into high school, and eventually stopped in 11th grade.

The only way I was able to find out what the weather was going to be like the next day was via the 10 o'clock news.

Pre-internet days, people. Get with it.

So the weather man wouldn't come on until exactly 10:30 and so I would have to watch 30 minutes of the news. This is how I kept up with current events.

Eventually when my obsession with the weather subsided, so did my knowledge of things that were happening in the world in which I resided.

I didnt know what was going on in the world for the past 8 years. No joke.

Fast forward a couple of years and enter: facebook.

Facebook, if used with good intentions can actually be resourceful. For real. I started noticing a lot of people updating their status about various things that were happening in the city, state, country, and world. So I started catching myself up with the latest buzz. And in the midst of catching up with current events, I also came back to the realization of why I stopped watching the news.

In retrospect, there never seems to be good news. Why dont people report on happy things? I mean I know they do, but some days it just seems like there is no good news. It's like you have to dig realllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy deep to find something. Anything. That will make you smile. Or laugh. And if there is good news to be shared, it's always twisted into something that it totally wasn't supposed to be twisted into. Michelle Obama dancing with orphans and kids in India becomes a dance that supports the "axis of evil". Whatever the hell that means. ( This really didnt happen, but you know what I mean)

Some days I really do think the world and it's inhabitants are just far from where we should be, and some days I just rather stay in the dark about it.

But then there are other things that make me think living in this world, aint so bad. Like when I see non-Muslims, like Kate, defending Muslims and Islam. Or like when I see a student's Mom writing encouraging notes to their kids and putting it into their lunchbags.

Or like when I watch the Daily show with Jon Stewart and see how ridiculous the media makes things out to be.

Or like when I hear crazy stories from my sister's new nursing job. Or when I get a phone call from a friend and we talk about the most pointless things in the world. Or when my kids genuinely find my "Knock Knock" jokes amusing. Or when my mom wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and bids me farewell while I walk out to my car, in the dark. Or when I laugh about the most dumbest and randomest things with my siblings. Or knowing that one of my sisters is learning how to play the violin. Or seeing parents involved in their child's education.

Or attending a teacher conference and hearing the famous author, Mitch Albom, give a speech about having a little faith that can take you a long way.

Or knowing that I'm a teacher, and at least one of my students is learning something. Or like watching the show, School Pride, the school version of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and seeing how much people truly care about education in America, and being effective about it.

Or (minus the most recent episode----another story for another time), watching people actively defend and protect and fight for strangers on the show "What would you Do?"

And so on and so forth.

So yeah, on certain days, the world does suck, but you just gotta take the good with the bad.

And hope that some day the good will outweigh the bad and pray that the world really doesn't go to hell.

And maybe not watch the news so much.

Friday, November 5, 2010


The story goes a little something like this.

I'm sitting in the den, minding my own business, watching random youtube videos on the Hubster's macbook as usual. (My laptop is crappy and takes 10 minutes just to load up) I had a bunch of tabs open and what not. Then I hear someone rustling in the kitchen then starting walking up the stairs.

Lo and behold it was the Hubster. He comes right into the den, closes all my tabs and shuts the laptop.

"What the heck! I was doing stuff yo!" 

"Yea but its MY laptop. So I can do whatever I want with it."

"Excuse me? You just closed everything I was looking at!!"

"So? Its mine. I own it. Just like I own you." He has the most serious look ever at this point

"WHAT? Are you serious? I'm not your property homie. What's wrong with you?"

"Go get me some juice." He walks off and lays down in the bedroom

I of course storm into the bedroom super mad. "Get you some juice?? How dare you talk to me like that."

"Just go downstairs and get me some juice" Now he starts gesturing me to go away.

"Why are you treating me so crappy right now? Seriously." Then I walked downstairs to the kitchen even though I really just wanted to beat the Hubster.

Upon entering the kitchen I saw this big white box on the table.

Hmm... weird. What's this? 

I pick up the box and start turning it looking for a sticker or something that said what it was.


On the side, very small and discreet, the box said "macbook."


The Hubster came down smiling. I opened the box and inside was a fresh beautiful brand new macbook!

"You are so annoying!! Thank you thank you thank you!!"

The end.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I'm not sure what to do with them. I don't hate them. In fact kids used to be my specialty when I was around 8-10 years old. I even liked scaring them, something controlled chaos never let's me or anyone else forget. I don't understood her fetich with the idea of it. Perhaps it's humorous imagining me scaring kids, looking like a fetus myself.

Throughout the years kids have progressively started to fear me. I'm talking about looking at me and bawling. Am I too cute or something??

Don't be silly. You can never be too cute.

I read somewhere that in cartoons they make the good guys look jolly and round and happy. So the good guys have softer features than the bad guys. And the bad guys are pointy kind of like Jafar from Aladdin.

My face is long and kind of pointy. Like Jafar.

So I'm used to kids backing up against the wall and screaming or crying when they look at me. I don't want to make the situation worse so I do what's best. I don't go crazy all over them. And I don't get how people gush over kids. I feel like a loser thinking about doing it. I'm turning red right now just thinking about it.

But the past few weeks have been different. At the mosque during prayer a baby crawled up next to me and screamed happily and then grabbed my arm. I froze. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS THING LATCHING ON TO MY ARM!? Since I'm not used to breaking out in baby talk I just smile and slowly take his hand like I want to and move it. Well that's what I woukd have attempted to do. Thank the Lord his little sister grabbed him away.

And then I ran into this other baby. Well, the baby's mom. She's my friend. And he was a happy baby who'd go to anyone. And he was all smiley and yayyyy towards me and so I pretended to be yayyy back lol. But then he didn't cry!!

I'm wondering why babies are all happy to see me now. It's weird. And different. So I decided to not be so indifferent toward them if they seem to like me.

Today a girl called me "Mama". Mama. She insisted my name was Mama.

And I look more pointy than ever. So I have no idea what happened or why babies are flocking to me. But I'll take it. You do realize how embarrassing it is when babies look at you and scream and start crying as soon as you hold them, don't you? My darling sister makes it worse by saying something like, "OMG FU what did you do to her?" and then everyone in the room gives you the death glare.

My life has changed. I live in a world where babies are no longer out to make me feel like a monster. I suppose I should accept this change and try to get to know them, too. But I won't make baby noises and be all up in their faces and try to eat their feet. That's just weird.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Some people can be so mean. Do you ever wonder why some people say the things they say? Or do the things they do? I don't know if I'm just really sensitive or if people are just extra mean to me, but sometimes I sit and wonder why the people of this world can be so cruel.

Lately I have been feeling extra hurt and I decided to read a book that has been collecting dust on my bookshelf. Anyway, I thought I'd share a short section from this awesome book, called Don't Be Sad.

How to deal with bitter criticism

"You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.

`Perish in your rage '. (Qur 'an 3: 119)

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Freshmen are Stupid

Student A: She seemed like a super enthusiastic student. She was on the wait list for my class in the beginning of the semester. I had already given 2 overrides. She said she really really wanted to study Arabic so I added her to my class. So the first week or two went well. She sat in the front of the class. Then she had a surgery and was off for a work. That's instructors are accommodating when it comes to these things.

She came to my office hours to get caught up on what she missed. I assigned her assignments and we scheduled meetings to finish all her make up work and quizzes. So that goes really well..

For like a day.

And then she disappears. Hasn't come to class a single day after that but is still registered.

I'm sorry but language course are intense; we meet 5 hours a week and there's no way you can miss class for a week or two and suddenly jump back.

Student B: She also seemed really enthusiastic and used to come to office hours all the time to ask questions and what not. Then all of the sudden she stopped coming to class. At first it was like one class of the three sessions a week. Then it went up to two. Its now at the point where I haven't seen the girl in two whole weeks...that's 10 hours of class!!

This is a top university and these students are lucky to even be here. And what are they doing? Wasting their money away by skipping classes and partying away. Guess who's paying for all the alcohol? That's right...mommy and daddy.

Freshmen undergrads are so stupid. Seriously. I get it. Once upon a time four years ago I was there too and sometimes I just didn't want to go to class. But I had to so I went.

Sometimes I just want to grab students and shake them by their shoulders... "MAN UP! These four years will fly by and you'll be thrown into the real world. What will you have to offer the world????"

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Ham burger please! Sorry, our menu is halal-only.

Wearing a veil in public places may be banned in France, however that didn't stop the second largest retailer in the country from starting a new line of 22 halal-only restaurants.

Halal Digest reports The Quick company, which owns 362 restaurants in France, can be compared to McDonald's going halal in the U.S.

Read more:

Halal I'm lovin' it T-Shirt


Sunday, October 17, 2010

I love Fall. I love this weather. So. So. So. Much. I used to think it was because my birthday is in this month, but I just LOVE the leaves changing color. And the crunching of the leaves. And the wind. And pumpkin picking and cider mills, though I have never done either. Having a change of seasons is such a blessing. I moved down south, and we don't have fall or winter.

Its just the same weather every single day, all year around. Thats so boring. Change can be really nice. We need to see and feel different things. Although sometimes change sucks. The transition from Fall to Winter, for example. When its so sunny, yet so cold. Those are my least favorite days of the year.

A few weeks ago there was a bug in my apartment and I was terrified. But today, as I was visiting an old friend at the cemetery, a bug came out from the ground. It really got me thinking and kind of freaked me out. Not in the way the bug freaked me out in my apartment a few weeks ago, but in a different way.

It just felt so weird to see that this bug was coming from the dirt. We were made from dirt, and in the end, we become a part of the dirt once again. And seeing that bug just made me realize how everything on this earth has a purpose. The bug. The seasons. The dirt. And change.

I don't really know if this post made any sense. But it was a post nonetheless. Hope you are happy CC.

Friday, October 15, 2010

I'm so out of it

I'm back from India. I am such a FOB, a term many use to describe people from back home. Fresh Off the Boat.

Anyways, we got a van. And it's so...advanced for me. Like the key isn't really a key. The end is some plastic crap. And there's the two DVD players and IDK what else. Anyways, I didn't know wth to do with the dumb "key" and my mom's looking at me like she would a little fobby girl and she's all omg FU you don't know anything. aelkvglag.

And then I was driving of course, and OMG there's a camera that comes shows you the back of the car when you're in reverse.

I'm so slow. How long as this stuff been around?

Happy Friday.

ps - I am proud to be a FOB, btw :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Letter to a friend

And then do you remember when you used to get paranoid about the way you looked and I would always say, "YOU LOOK fineee!"

Or sometimes how you would catch me glancing at you and would fold your arms over or put on your jacket.

Or how me and "just do it!" and you would sit together and either we would be constantly laughing at each other or I would be reading something, you would be texting and "just do it!" would be sleeping....almost everytime.

Remember how one time me and "just do it!" got into a fight to sit in the front seat and my cousin had recorded us trying to shove each other out of the way, and trying to trip each other in the mall parking lot.

Do you remember how we all had a table in the library and for some reason people just knew it was our table? And we would all wait for each other and knew each other's schedule and would make trips through the art building to eat at that one arabic restaurant

Do you guys remember how she never studied in the library? How she would always carry that one orange looking box? How she would never get up to do anything? How she could never come to anything? How she could only come to things on campus? How those two would talk ghetto, and you would try and miserable fail? And how miss America went from being the 'lazy' one to the one that volunteered to do everytihing? How most of us were stuck without cars? How we had 'drama' at that table in the library, how the security guards would ask us to be quiet, and how they never really 'tasered' us?

Do you remember?

Do you remember that orange hoodie she always wore, and how she always would tell us to just do it, and would take forever just to put on her scarf after she made wudhu*? Or five minutes after making wudhu would make wudhu again?
And do you remember how she took the longest time getting a cell phone and a car? And then when she finally got a cellphone, she held on to it for centuries?
How she used to be a tomboy, then became one of the nicest dresser?

And how the birthday parties started and how we would get rooms in the library and how the birthday surprises were usually a fail? And how you all cried when she went to India?

Do you guys remember how you would talk about living on the same street as neighbors, and I would say 'That's not gonna happen' and everyone would yell at me and call me a pessimist.

Do you remember how I would yell at the two of you for playing "hot or not" in the library? Do you guys remember how you had stalkers and I was always the last to find out?

Do you remember when the the two of you made me a facebook account and I didn't understand what people were talking about me being on facebook?

Do you guys remember how I assigned each of you a disney princess and most of you didn't like your choice but I still forced it on you?
Do you remember Saltwater room? Do you remember Apologize?

Do you remember Delilah?

*wudhu-A muslim ritual of cleaning yourself before your 5 daily prayers.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God. ~Eleanor Powell

Journal Prompt: What is the best gift you have ever gotten? Who gave it to you?

Student Response: The best gift I have ever gotten is my family.

And God gave them to me.


:: throws up the "I love you" sign"::

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Pregnancy Scare

The pregnancy scare...

Positive Pregnancy Test - Pregnancy

If you're married or sexually active you probably know what I mean.

I really hate dealing with it. So I had my period back in the end of August, right? Yea so granted I have a pretty regular cycle you would think I'd get it again at the end of September, correct? Wrong.

Guess how late I was.

Just guess.

2 WEEKS. That has never happened before. So after the first few days I'm thinking hey no big deal. Then the first week passes and I'm thinking "oh crap, what if I'm pregnant?" Even though I technically have a .001% chance of getting pregnant...

Babies are wonderful. Really, they are. But I have a work and school and other things to do right now let alone have a little child take over my existence. Sigh. I always pray to God, "Oh God, please don't grant me the blessing of a child just yet because I personally don't feel ready. But if you're going to grant it anyhow please please please make me content with it. Ameen."

Anyhow, I found my my mom and sister were all 2 weeks late too which made me feel a LOT better. Thank God I just got my period yesterday. Woo hoo!

In other news I finally started using tampons. A word of the wise to pad-users, tampons are so freaking amazing! Pads feel so uncomfortable and like diapers for reals. With tampons, you just put 'em in and move on with life. Its amazing!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mrs. Cullen: The Pest

Dear Friends,

It's been a while. The reason I haven't posted is because I felt like I had nothing interesting to say. But then something interesting happened to me recently! Yay me. So, I moved to a far far away state a little over a month ago. I was sad, and still am. But thats not the interesting thing. I live all alone and if I'm not at school, then I'm at my apartment because I don't have a social life--by choice---and because school doesn't really allow for one.

Anyway, thank God for video chatting that has taken over the world; Skype, Oovoo, Gmail Video, etc. I've been able to see my friends and family almost every single day. Its really nice. No. Its amazing. Thank God. Anyway. The other day I was video chatting with Constructive Attitude and cleaning my apartment at the same time. I sat down on my futon for a minute and quickly noticed A HUGE BUG RIGHT NEXT TO ME. LITERALLY. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. On my futon. Oh man. I screamed and jumped and ran away. Then I just freaked out and started sweating and going crazy, promise. I just didn't know what to do.

The annoying thing was that the stupid bug was on the back resting part of the futon, so its not like I could have vacuumed it or thrown a book at it. Sigh. Not that I would have done that if it was on the floor. Sigh. Anyway. I just freaked out and started staring at it. CA gave me ideas on what to do. But I just couldn't. I was on the verge of tears. So, I called the one person I know in this huge city, told her to bring her husband and take care of this issue. So, as I waited half an hour for them to come, I just kept staring at the bug--making sure it wouldn't go behind the futon or fly or something. Because I think it had wings. And it was black. And it was fast. And ugly.

Sigh. They came and my friend's husband put a cup over the bug and let it free outside. And then we went for smoothies. The end.

Yours for the sake of Peace and Pesticide,
Mrs. Cullen

Monday, October 4, 2010

Conscious Culture

Sometimes I just don't feel like studying. I'll look at my notes and think to myself...yea yea I'll figure it out on the exam.

That worked real swell during undergrad.

Grad schools a whole different ball park. For reals. But even though I have an exam in two hours I choose to write a post instead! Lucky for you guys.

The Hubster and I went to Pittsburgh for a nice little weekend trip a few weeks ago. Let me tell was one of the most amazing experiences ever. Seriously.

We met all these amazing Muslims from African American and Puerto Rican backgrounds... some converted to Islam. Pittsburgh actually has an extremely rich history of indigenous Muslims from hundreds of years ago.

History goes a little something like this... back when colonies were beginning in the US, there was a Spanish colony called Roanoke that ended up failing rather quickly. That colony had hundreds of Moriscos, free Muslim laborers, from Spain. After the collapse of the colony historians couldn't tell what happened to all the settlers. Apparently many Muslims in Pittsburgh have roots back to these Moriscos. What's even cooler is that first actual Masjid in the US is in Pittsburgh. What's interesting is that these Muslims were part of mainstream Orthodox Islam, not the Nation of Islam (a deviant sect of Islam). So there are actually many families in the Burgh that are African American and have been Muslim for generations upon generations.

This whole idea of African American Muslims who were originally Muslim is something new to the immigrant Muslim community that really tends to think as themselves as the "original" Muslims in the US whereas African Americans, Puerto Ricans, and Caucasians must all be converted to Islam. That however is not the case and its time we all look back at the history of Islam in the US because clearly it did not start with the wave of Arab and Southeast Asian Muslim immigrants in the 70's .

Meeting all these different types of people was really eye opening for me because I finally met people who had solid Muslim American identities, something that the immigrant community is struggling with greatly. The issue that first generation Muslims (from immigrant parents) are dealing with is this:

Their parents have their Islam and "back home" culture intertwined. Their kids however have an American culture that they're trying to reconcile with their heritage and their Islamic culture. What most people don't understand is that "Islamic" culture and American culture are NOT diametrically opposed.

Islam never came to eradicate culture, it came to beautify it. So in essence our Muslim American culture should something that is conscious culture which encompasses all that is good and leaves that which is not beneficial.

Here's an example. I have a friend who loves Hip Hop and thats a rooted part of his culture. Is there anything wrong with that? Absolutely not. His Islamic identity will affect his Hip Hop though by weeding out those lyrics that have negativity (drugs, alcohol, strippers, etc). So really this guy can practice his Islam to the fullest and use it to effect this love for Hip Hop and make it even better.

For more on the the history of Islam in Pittsburgh check this out..

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Islam for Dummies: 20/20 Edition

ABC's 20/20, the news broadcaster, took the initiative and did a special on Islam and Muslims in America. An assorted group of Muslims, men, women, children, from just about everywhere answered questions posed from thousands of viewers worldwide, such as:

  • What is Islam?
  • Are Muslim women oppressed?
  • What does the Qu'ran really say about violence against non-believers?
  • Does Islam condone violence?
  • Is there such a thing as a moderate Muslim?
  • Where are all of the moderate Muslims?
  • Why aren't more Muslims speaking out against acts of hate?

If you didn't catch it last night, no worries, because you can catch it here:

(click on the picture to view the episode)

Obviously they weren't able to answer all the questions that were posed, in such a short period of time, as one hour. So from my understanding, they are planning to do another special of Islam: Questions and Answers.

Although, in my personal opinion, this should have been done years ago, kudos, again, to 20/20 for taking this course of action and trying to build bridges between the Muslims and non-Muslims in America. And hopefully the rest of the world.

Friday, October 1, 2010


I don't have a computer.
It died about 3 weeks ago and now I need a new one.
So I have been MIA and my google reader's piled up with probably thousands and thousands of blog posts I have to read.

Anyways, I'm posted in surgery right now.

I almost blacked out on my first day.

Why? Because in the wards most cases there are post-operative. So we have to do antiseptic dressings of the wounds. One the first day we did rounds and the doctors checked out all the wounds and etc and make sure the patient was okay. The very last patient was a diabetic patient. He had gangrene of more than half his foot and some toes were missing.

I could handle everything else, but whenever I see a diabetic foot I get light headed. So naturally I almost blacked out.

It's so embarrassing:
Ward boy: There's a patient coming in???

And with all the patients watching. ha. hahahaha. No.

And hour later in the outpatient clinic the doctor told me to clean another diabetic foot. I told him there was a 97% chance I was going faint so he best be there.

If you don't control your blood sugar levels you can get gangrene and your toes might fall off. Yesterday there was a man with an ulcer so deep I could see his bones. People in India present very late to the hospital, thinking things will get better. The sad thing is, they present so late that a lot of cases don't get better.

Anyways, the point is if you are diabetic, and if you are fond of your feet and of walking and going to the bathroom by yourself and other such luxuries, then control your blood sugar levels. Oh and the sooner you see a doctor, the better.

But yayy for me, I can do dressings without wanting to faint or throw up.

Thursday, September 30, 2010


When I was 10 someone made fun of my leotard in ballet class. I don't remember the specific person, but I remember how what she said had made me feel. This wasn't some random memory coming up like, oh I remember when .. no. I was sitting in meditation for I think my 30th or so hour out of my 100 hour course and the feelings of hurt and pain surfaced up from an insult that had happened a decade ago. This type of situation happened over and over again. We get so used to stuffing down things that bother us that we don't realize that we still harbor all of that negativity and pain from the past. I went on a 10 day Vipassana course here in Dubai. It was situated up out in the desert surrounded by desolate mountains. It was the most intense experience of my life. Total and complete self-assessment. During these 10 days we lived in noble silence, i.e. no speaking, no gesturing, no looking each other in the eye. It was solely an individual experience. My roommate was from chicago and before the noble silence took place we were reminiscing on the greatest pizza orgasm we ever had(pizza in dubai sucks). The course was like bootcamp for the soul, 10 hrs every day we sat in meditation and my butt protested every hour of every day. My back would complain at being forced ramrod straight and my feet would go numb in silent protest, but every day I worked. I worked because I wanted to rid myself of the pain I have pushed far down within myself. I was tired of reacting to life, reacting out of fear, anger, frustration. Vipassana taught me equanimity, it taught me how to live life with real happiness, happiness from within. Not happiness from people, or things. Am I perfect now? No. The day I got back, $@#% exploded in my face and I really had to test the mettle of my meditation, but I see progress as reacting possibly 10 times out of 10 situations with anger, but one time- not reacting. One time, being able to become the observer.

Monday, September 27, 2010

No one said it was going to be easy...

And if someone did, they dont know what the heck they are talking about. For real.

I'm in a weird funk. I mean, it's not a bad funk. Nor is it a good funk. Just a funk. I dont know how to explain it exactly. It's weird. Right now, life has taken an odd turn. Alhamdulilah--All praise be to God--- for the turn it has taken. It's just not how I expected life to be though. I mean, not that I had these particular expectations for life. Or maybe I did. Like within the past five or six years. But it wasn't like I expected it to go exactly the way I wanted it to. Who knows.

All I know is that life is weird. Life is good. Life is bad. Life is fun. Life is dull. Life is so many things.

I feel like everyone in the world's life is so stressed and everyone is stressed to the max, and I dont know what to do for anyone.

There's this teacher at work who works her butt off. Gets to work early. Has lesson plans up the wazoo. Plans weeks in advanced. Is organized to a tee. And she still gets into so much trouble with admin. Like she gets yelled at by the administration team a lot. Over the oddest and randomest stuff. And by some force of nature, she somehow manages to have the students with the most behavior problems in her class. I've never seen any work as hard as I've seen her work either. And she's an awesome teacher too. MashaAllah. She has so many creative and fun ways of teaching.

I feel like since she has been working at this school, her spirit has been broken. Actually I know this. We've had many conversations where she has confided in me that she loved teaching, when she was doing student teaching. She loved it. So much. But working at this school, for the past two years, has made her hate it. She wakes up every day dreading work. Dreading the students. Dreading the drive. Dreading the parents. Just dreading everything about the place. She cries so much about it. She sometimes even says that she would be so much happier as a housewife, rather than as a teacher.

I am/was just like her. I hated this job. So much. I cant even begin to explain to you what I was going through this past summer.

But during the month of Ramadan, I made so many prayers to God, beggginggggggggggggggggggggggggg God to help me love this job. I didn't want to just like this job. I wanted to LOVE this job. I want to wake up every morning, excited to go to work. I know this is like asking for a miracle, but you should always ask for the best, right?

I'm not there yet. Dont know when or if I will ever be at that stage. But I'm working on it. And I changed my mindset. My goal right now is to try and remain positive. See things from a different perspective. I thought sitting around, complaining about it, stressing out over it, and wallowing in self pity wasn't doing anything for me, except making me miserable. So I opted to take a proactive approach. Because the Final Messenger of Islam, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said that one day he noticed a Bedouin (desert people) leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I placed my trust in Allah." At that, the Prophet said, "Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah" . You can't expect God to take care of everything, while you sit and do nothing.

So no one said it was going to be easy, but it's definitely not impossible.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Million Dollar Question: What does the toothfairy REALLY do with our teeth?

Because you know, the tooth fairy really does exist and everything.

According to my 2010 incoming class of first graders, the tooth fairy does numerous things for us:
  • The tooth fairy gives the teeth she collects to Santa. Santa, in turn, takes those teeth and makes them into toys. And come December, Santa and the tooth fairy hop on some reindeer and deliver them to kids.
  • The tooth fairy takes the teeth and makes a castle for herself. ( Well that's kinda selfish of her, dont you think?)
  • The tooth fairy is really a tooth witch and she eats the teeth like one would eat an apple (They got this idea because we are currently reading a book about a first grader who believes that)
  • She gives old teeth to people who have lost their teeth.
  • She turns it into jewelry for Mom.
  • Uhhhh, where do you think toothpaste comes from???DUH!
  • She is really not a she. But in fact a he. (That doesnt really answer the question. Just thought I would throw it in there though because it shows that they don't automatically think of the stereotypical gender role of a tooth fairy)

Soooo now, I ask of you, what is the million dollar answer?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

When I grow up I wanna be a witch...

As with many mornings, my students start off with answering/completing a journal prompt. When kids write, as noted in this post, their writing is for the most part pretty funny and give much insight into the life of a 6/7 year old. Some show wisdom beyond their years, while others act their age. And then you have that rare individual that just shows peculiarity.

Journal Prompt: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Response: When I grow up, I wanna be a witch.

This is the response that I got from K.L. Yup. That's right. She wants to be a witch. And for some reason, I dont think she's joking. And for another reason that I cant begin to fathom, I believe that she will attempt to pursue this goal. And she will try her best to make sure she is a darn good witch too.

K.L. is one of my peculiar and most interesting students of the year. I knew that she would be right from the beginning. And well, as unfortunate as it is, her grandmother was the one that told me that she was a little "cuckoo". And when grandma told me that, I wanted to punch her in the face.

Swear to God.

She said it right in front of K.L. It's one thing to joke around and say that someone is crazy and/or silly. And frankly the connotation of the words are very different in respect to the context in which you use them. But it's another thing for a person to be called cuckoo. And to hear your own grandmother say it about you. When grandma said that, I know I look perplexed. So she went on to explain to me that K.L. was diagnosed with ADHD and sometimes she acted out in very bizarre ways.

Ok, so let me back track just a little, the reason I wanted to punch grandma in the face was because who says that upon an initial meeting of their granddaughters teacher. I think she thought she was doing me a favor, but in all actuality, she wasn't. She put a judgment in my head that she had no right to put there. I would rather have learned this upon interacting with K.L. on my own. Regretablly this wasnt the case.

Regardless of this fact, just as soon as grandma told me about K.L.'s odd behavior, I witnessed it for myself. Throughout the day she would talk out and have sudden singing outbursts and she would hum really loudly to herself. For some odd reason, she likes to chew on the end of the back of her dress, thus resulting in her mooning the entire class on multiple occasions. When asked why she was doing that, she would respond with " I dont know." While sitting with her peers she said "You suck" and "Damn" to them multiple times, landing her on "red" (Red=Not so good) on the very first day of school (which in itself is a rarity). She also took her shoes off in the middle of class and stuck them inside of her desk and when asked again why she did that, she, again, responded with "I dunno".
By the second day of school she was sitting by herself, away from her peers.

She had also already ripped up most of my books. And the response again? Surprise, surprise: I dunno why I did that.

Having had two weeks of classes in, I have learned some things about her that make me smile. While also learning about things that make me want to cry, pull my hair out, and run out the door screaming and just quitting my job. (I also learned from her previous teacher that on the first day of kindergarten, she pulled the fire alarm because no one was giving her attention.)

Albeit all of these things, there is something about K.L. that makes me have a soft spot in my heart for her though. Something that tells me that she obviously really truly means no harm by the things she does. She's the student that will make this year the most challenging for me.

For some this may sound strange, but sometimes I look forward to going to school, just so I can see her.

Friday, September 17, 2010

So I'm a minority.

I have delayed reactions.

You know that gift you gave me...I won't know how to show appreciation, excitement, shock or even happiness until much, much later.

Actually, my emotions will be in a turmoil and for some reason the only thing I will be feeling at the moment is 'Why?'

Why am I feeling a why?

I dunno.

It's like asking, "Why is the world round?"

Cuz it just is, stupid.

Anyways so I think I've been having a delayed reaction to this place known as medical school. Before the first exam, we were being told, you're gonna feel overwhelmed, you're gonna be lost and everyone and everything was giving us tips on how to study productively and how to manage your time and where to get help.

And whenever anyone would ask me..."So how's medical school?"

I genuinely thought that I didn't really feel the overwhelm drowning in an abyss like feeling. Yeah it kinda sucked, and I didn't get why they were throwing so much info at us...but no biggie. Undergrad was like that.

First exam comes, and the night before I realize whyyy people were Freaking out and being such paranoid neurotics (same thing?) about always knowing everything (besides that it's built into most medical students) throughout our first unit material.

And now, with more than a week left until my next exam, I feel this incredible, dooming feeling shadowing my every movement (It might have do with my grades from the first exams). And I've discovered that my spelling has degenerated (yes, degenerated, because Biology uses the word degenerated) drastically ( I would have said in an acute period of time...but that would have been a bit much, and just me pretending to be more washed out, than I am, by medical school)

And I get frustrated real fast. Like when I was thinking about another friend from a different medical school, not understanding WHY, I was so overwhelmed and feeling so helpless when I have ONLY two weekends left.

How does she NOT understand? Two weeks, Two and a half weeks, FREAKING three weeks is not enough to catch up and memorize.

And NOW is a good time for SOMEONE to tell me.. How the hell do I study? HOW do I manage my time? WHERE do I get help? I wish I didn't skip those seminars at the start of classes, answering these questions. Problem was, I didn't understand the point of them back then. They really should know better than to assume everyone is having the same reaction and feeling. LEARN to accommodate the minority! (Us-the delayed reaction..ators)

I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do this anymore. There's a chance I might be suffering from a minor form of depression....but I still say that if you can't make yourself happy, then no one can.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

As we celebrate...and Remember

It was Eid on Friday here in America.

On 9/10/2010

There was a joke circulated that we tried our hardest to see the moon the night before because everyone wanted to avoid having Eid ul Fitr on 9/11/2010..the ninth anniversary of September 11.

Imagine...Muslims celebrating...on the same day the nation remembers the 'terrorist attack on September 11'

911. What's your emergency?

The towel heads next to my house are partying.

Is there a problem? Was someone hurt?

No...It's just that All the MOZlems in my city are celebrating.... Like they're really partying it up with all kinds of food and games.

You don't sayy!

I mean you can only give them Soo many excuses...Is there anyway we can get them arrested?

Stay on the line while I contact the authorities. ***

The day Eid ul-Fitr falls on changes every year, just like how Ramadan does, and all the other Islamic months do. And I've mentioned the reason for this being that the Islamic calendar follows the Lunar calendar.

This Ramadan has been kinda eventful for Muslims. The 'Ground zero Mosque' controversy is still raging, 1/5 th of Pakistan is flooded , some dude was trying to host a "Burn a Quran day", some people are running for political offices and one of their platforms is that Islam isn't a real religion and so shouldn't be protected by the Bill of Rights, and the knowledge Eid could potentially fall on september 11.

Some Muslim communities were advised to keep their celebrations low-key.

While Eid ul Fitr didn't fall on September 11 most activities and celebrations will however follow the entire weekend. It's weird to celebrate Eid ul Fitr, when you remember everything that happened on that day in 2001, especially for Muslim Families that also lost loved ones on that day... but I don't think that's a reason to stop anyone from celebrating their religious holiday.
Even with the 'Ground zero mosque' controversy still present and if anything, getting worse.

Eid also isn't a reason for any Muslim to stop remembering all those that are suffering here and across the world.

Like a lot of other people out there, I have my own message, and I think everyone should send it out through facebook, twitter, and their local lawn elf and maybe even to the pastor in Florida:

Happy Eid to the Muslims; A prayer to the victims of 9/11, and a prayer for all those undergoing suffering and hardships. **

CC, out.

***The above conversation was entirely fictional (hopefully) and no authorities were contacted or harmed during its making. And is to be taken in a humorous, non-offensive manner and does not necessarily reflect the views of its author...which could be kinda self-contradictory. Rated OIWH for Open-minded Individuals With Humor

**Caution: Message promoted by the author may not be well-received by the local lawn elf.