Saturday, December 18, 2010

To be or not to be (my friend)

I have a question for all you intellectual individuals out there.

How do you form true long-lasting friendships?

Not the kind that just last through the four or more months of class you have together. Or the kind that are just there because you're parents are friends but you never really hit it off. Or the kind where you're just friends because you have a close mutual friend.

I'm talking about real, down to earth, selfless kind of friendship. What if you come to a point in your life where you're done with school and the friends you had all moving on, following their own life plans. Maybe you've started to grow apart, not physically, but perhaps mentally. You now have different goals, different interests. Or maybe you feel like you don't have time anymore.

But the reality is that when you have an intimate friend, you'll make the time to hang out and to update each other on your lives.

So thats my question. How do you form true long-lasting friendships?

17 comments:

Constructive Attitude said...

When I was in high school, I didnt care to keep in touch with any of the people there. I didnt dislike them, but I didnt like them either. Right now, I dont talk to any of them, and when they see my siblings they always wonder why I "drifted" off from them and didnt keep in touch. I just didnt feel like I benefitted from them in any way. And the funny (I guess?) thing is that they were Muslims and I thought that I would have a long lasting friendship with them and connect with them on deep levels (because prior to that, I didnt have many Muslim friends). Unfortunately they just had the most oddest priorities and I just didnt feel the connection with them.

I never cared so much about friendships until I met my friends in college. And I dont know what exactly changed in me and how/when I latched on to those friends Some of those relationships/bonds that I formed just had such a huge impact on me that I think my life would not be the same without them. And these relationships have made me to care to a level that I didnt think I was capable of having, but I'm glad it's like that.Alhamdulilah. I know these relationships are the ones that I care a lot about. And these same relationships will be the ones that I will try my very hardest to preserve. iA. and I make tons and tons and tons of dua for my friendships and my relationships with people. And lastly I think in order for you to form/keep those "true long lasting friendships", it has to be mutually done. It all cant be one sided, where one friend is trying harder than another.

Constructive Attitude said...

I'm rereading what I wrote but I dont even know if it answered your question. lol.

Constructive Attitude said...

p.s. For some reason, I want to harass you and ask you what prompted you to ask this question. Expect a text/IM/phone call soon :)

PI said...

i never knew. but i love people differently than most people.. i don't outwardly show how much i care for someone as i do inwardly. there are a few friends that understand that and no matter if we haven't talked in years, we can see each other and start right back where we left off. i guess it doesn't matter to me if the friendship is "long-lasting" because once the relationship has been formed, however transient the actual time spent, in my eyes it's forever because i never stop loving that person or remembering them from time to time.

but i always have this piece missing of turning to that one person consistently for years, besides my family. and i hope that someday a husband will fill the gap. and although i haven't been able to describe the missing part of everlasting friendship (in a tangible non-spiritual way), i can still say that i've achieved intimacy and completeness. i think i just define relationships in a different way. i dont know why i'm typing this but i guess since i'm someone that hasn't had had a lifelong single best friend (but many close ones) i wanted to put it out there.

Mrs. Cullen said...

Interesting. I went through the same thing that CA and PI said. In high school I really felt that I would be friends with these girls forever. But I really think in college you learn a lot about yourself. And thats when you start developing friendships with people that you are not forced to (because they are in your community or because you have 5 classes with them or you have A-lunch with them) but for once you can actually meet people who you enjoy because you choose to.

I think once you make those special bonds with people, then no matter how much life changes or plans change, you will still always have those friends. And not just "have" them as in "they are there if you need them." But you will always talk to them, and just like you talk to your family every day, it will just become natural to talk to them every, single day and love them just like you love your family.

I don't know if I answered your question. But I don't think there is a certain way to make those friends. But I think you can make them in anyway and then if it is true and strong friendship, it will always last, inshallah.

Mrs. Cullen said...

Oh also. I think its something that you work on. I know people say that a true friendship is something that comes simply. But I don't agree. I think at first its something you have to work on. You need to learn to trust someone and have them trust you and you need to show them you are there for them and them show you. But once its become a friendship, then you don't need to try and it should be simple. I think having to try so hard isn't such a good thing.

cc said...

meh

if it happens it happens

if it doesn't it doesn't

that's my approach

CC said...

Like you said, if you care enough you'll fight for it?

I dunno. TO be honest...there is no 'answer' to your question.

pilgrimchick said...

I'm not sure there is any kind of easy answer to that question. What I've found is that there are very few people who will be a part of your life beyond the ties that bound you together in the first place--college, a job, an interest group, etc. Long-term friendships seem to form first, when you share something that is independent of where you're living, working, and what your interests are, and, second, when both people are willing to put in the effort to actually keep that friendship going.

thenerdqueen said...

I think that you have to open to the possibility of friendship. In high school, I had a great group of friends who I still make it a priority to contact. I was open to the possibility of friendship, and it had the opportunity to happen.

Now that I'm in college, living on my own, working, and doing my school's Honors Program, I often find myself too busy to be open to the possibility of gaining friendships.

Kate said...

I wrote this huge long comment and then somehow I lost it...so I think I can sum it up by saying it never works to try to force something...but if you don't give it any care and attention...no friendships are going to survive.

Kate said...

A little love for you all! :)
http://www.recommendeddailydose.com/?p=7073

Constar said...

Its choice. everyday its a choice to be a selfless, a considerate listener, someone to have a good laugh with ect ect. you cant control if the other person is or isnt a good friend you can only control you. So be the friend you wish you had, and you'll find that long lasting friendships start to build naturally with those who are likeminded.

PI said...

i like what mrs. C said a lot.


also, the "how" is just in being brave enough to open yourself up and be truly present, listening, when the other person opens up to you, openness.. its a risk to take, for sure. and over time with more experiences you become an actuary and are able to decide to take the risk or not. for me intuition is a lot of that..

Rumi said...

Usually the friends you meet in college are the ones that end up remaining your friends throughout the years. In my case, everyone I've met when I was a pre-teen or going through my adolescent years, thats when I met my closest and true friends. They still remain because we all make an effort in maintaining the relationships amongst each other. Sometimes a few of us won't see each other for months but we pick up where we leave off. I believe thats the key to all relationships = effort. On both ends. :] Alhamdulilah, I think we're all very blessed!

supreem said...

i think it is by making sure you do your part in the relationship. Most people will reciprocate. If not, then you know that it's a relationship that won't last. I truly believe in the concept of give and take, you have to sacrifice in order to receive and nurture a good long-lasting friendship.

Snake Charmer said...

this relates to me since i have moved away from my best friends.. when i think about it, i can go months without talking to them and then when i finally do get a chance to talk to them it's like there was no time apart- we just connect regardless of how long its been. how did that form or happen? i don't know, honestly- i just happened to meet up with people whom i've been able to connect with on a level that goes far beyond the superficial, so it wouldn't matter if i was with them or not because we would always have that bond (cheezy i now :))