Don't let yourself go

Once in a while I will receive a comment about already having a man and there's no point in dressing up. I'm not a fashionista, but I like to dress up/look nice/decent when I go out or even stay in. I think it's just as important to make an attempt at keeping fit, healthy and nice after marriage as it is before.

The first thing a person notices about someone is their appearance. That's all it takes for anyone to form an opinion about anything or anyone. In most cases physical attraction makes people want to get to know them better. That's what they found beautiful. And now that you're married, it's okay to put on weight, wear scrubs all the time and tie your hair up in a bun because you're too lazy to brush it {ladies} or put on a clean shirt {men}? 

Dress in a manner your spouse likes to see you. It softens the heart, is easy on their eyes and pay off. It allows that feeling they initially felt when they first saw you last longer. :)

It's Wedding Season; revisited

I wrote a post on weddings in Hyderabad, India a while ago. While I was writing it I felt like I was doing it half-heartedly and in a hurry. That post haunts me to this day. I literally shudder when I think about it. So I'd like to rewrite this post, give it another shot and hopefully be satisfied with this one. Since wedding season is here {summer and winter}, I thought this would be a good time to do it. Indian weddings have a LOT of parties leading up to the wedding and after the wedding. I'm covering the actual wedding reception itself. The Nikah, or wedding ceremony is simply. There is a small speech about marriage followed by agreement of the bride and groom.

I used to be a punctual person. Until I moved to India. When there was a wedding I'd force my sister to rush getting ready and scramble into the car. Traffic in Hyderabad was never light, except for the odd hours of the night. It would take at least an hour to get to the wedding hall with traffic, fifteen minutes without. After arriving to the venue, we'd find that we are extremely early, despite being half and hour to 45 minutes later than the time given on the invitation.

The stage is beautifully decorated with flowers hanging on string to create a backdrop, as well as large flower arrangements near the area the bride is to sit. It's either a velvet chair or couch, or the traditional way is to sit on the floor on a velvet cloth with gold thread in an uncomfortable pose. In front of the stage are chairs arranged facing the stage. Usually the first few rows are fancy chairs or benches that closer members of the bride and grooms family sit. Behind them are plastic chairs everybody else sits on. This I have seen at the most extravagant weddings as well. Now that I think of it, it might be due to lack of storage space, or low maintenance, as Indian weddings are pretty big. I've been to a wedding where a couple thousand people have been invited! Oh, and men and women are seated in separate areas, as per religious requirements.

In India, the stages look something along the lines of this:

This is the more traditional way of sitting. The bride is supposed to be "shy" and look down, not speak. Meh. WHO CARES? A lot of older people do. It's the happiest day of your life, but you can't look it! Culture is weird.

In America, stages look more like this:

After what seems hours of waiting or so, the hall fills up with many, many people. Everyone is invited to weddings in India. Sometimes you never even met the bride or the family, you just are a coworker or friend of someone related to the wedding party. The mailman, the tailor, the neighbors, drivers, maids. Teachers, classmates, co-workers. Parents' friends, co-workers. The jeweler. The bride and grooms friends' cousins, siblings families and friends. The list is pretty exhausting.

If we're lucky dinner will be served by 10:30 PM.  There is a separate area where dinner is served. Usually, they have rounds for eating, as not everyone can fit into the hall. There are tons of people, after all. You're best bet, and in my case, my only chance of having a shot at dinner is at the first sitting. During the second sitting, drinking glasses and napkins are not provided. The plates are rewashed and wet, sometimes dirty. The serving spoons have oil on them, as Indians eat with their hands. And the food is not brand new. Meaning that they will take the left overs from the first sitting and serve them in the next rounds. Which is OK, I mean don't waste food. But I'd like clean serving spoons.

Because of the advantages of the first round, there is a mad dash when dinner is served. I probably was unlucky one or two times. I sit near the entrance to the dining hall, I walk fast, but don't run. I am a lady, after all. I know it does seem rather barbaric, but once you sit in the second or third round, you do not want to make that mistake again. Another reason for the rush is that Indian weddings are so late! They start as late as 10 pm, sometimes the bride doesn't show up until 10:30. It's kind of ridiculous if you ask me. I learned to eat a light meal  or snack before the wedding.


The food usually does not disappoint. Because I am a girly girl, I love it when they serve naan - an Indian flat bread - in the shape of a HEART. So romantic. Usually there is soup with meat in it to start with along with shrimp, lamb kabobs, chicken kabobs, fish. At a Muslim wedding there will definitely be a meat overload. This is served with different types of bread, the naan, as I've mentioned as well as some more oily or buttery breads. Following this huge amount of appetizers come the star of the meal, the biryani (rice) along with the accompanying gravies and yogurt. Followed by dessert which is Indian or ice cream served on cake with dried fruit and nuts.

This is dessert served in a clay pot. It's like full fat ice cream. So delicious. I put so many pictures of food, the best part!

Here, Muslim brides wear something called a Khada Dupatta. It's pretty much worn specifically in the region/city of India I am from. It's basically wearing a long top and pants and then being wrapped up in 6 meters of fabric. I used to hate it but now I love it. Even though I find it difficult to walk in. Only royalty used to wear these dresses, and I like to think of myself as such. Seriously, though, with jewelry, and if you wear it right, it looks grand. The first photos is a really simple, non-bridal one. The second is a bridal one. But the brides here wear heavier ones this is also pretty simple in comparison and I can't find a heavier one online and I don't want to post photos of my friends up here for religious reasons as they aren't covered up properly.

The bride also has henna on her hands and feet. Usually up to the elbows and a mid-calf. It costs about 100-200 dollars when you convert the currency. Which is nothing! In America, I got a quote for $1000. But I got lucky and found a super skilled Henna Artist who did it for much less.

After or during dinner the bride will her her photo shoot with the groom. And since it's so late, the guests will get ready to go. There is no dancing at the Muslim weddings. The dancing is done on the days leading up to the wedding. Sometimes there is entertainment. But I don't find it entertaining. Mostly it's old guys singing old school songs. haha. In America, there are dances, speeches, slideshows, entertainment, etc. But I'm mostly discussing how it's done "back home".

Anyways, when it's finally time for the bride and groom to leave, the bride and her parents and family cry because she is leaving the nest. So emotional. Waah waah waah. 

I tried to cry. But I didn't. My parents were like, "Peace out!" haha. Good thing, or else my makeup would have been all over the place. It was kind of like this. "Bye, girl, see you tomorrow!"

I came across this tweet and took this screen shot. Although technology definitely has it's perks, I think it's sad the effect it has on relationships. Friends, families, spouses; many prefer communicating through  screen, rather than face to face.

My husband and I decided to put our phones away when we are together. If the hospital needs him, they page him. It works out, no harm done and, I'm glad we decided to do this before it turned into a problem where we wouldn't be able to speak to one another without pressing buttons on a device. Before it became awkward. I also hope we can carry this on to our children and be one of those families that actually enjoys spending times with each other and not with each others' mobile devices and iPads.

Think about the last time you met up with someone face-to-face. Were you able to give them your undivided attention? Or were you always checking your facebook, twitter, instagram, twitter, etc? Multitasking isn't always a good thing.

I feel that it's leading to a lot of people developing something along the lines of Attention Deficit Syndrome. I have a longer post post dedicated to this written up, I'll be posting more about that later.

The Hunger Games books and movie reviews

Warning: this is not a proper book review, mostly my own thoughts. I also am not organized here, because I hate when people ruin books/movies/tv shows for me before I get a chance to read or watch them. So in my effort to minimize giving away too much information, I became pretty choppy. But it's a decent review, in my opinion, given that the last book review I did was in elementary school.

I took it a bit slowly reading The Hunger Games, mainly because I was not used to sitting around reading all day. Every now and then I'd get up, thinking I had something to do, but realize that I don't. But then I would remember that I have a husband who I haven't seen in a while and probably should hang out with. Just kidding! He is my number one superstar. So husband  > books any day. We had fun. We ate Mexican food, and talked, studied, walked and got fat together. Beautiful, really.

Oh, the book! Right, well I cried in the beginning when Katniss volunteered in place of her sister. I am not going to be giving away much, don't worry. But I get emotional during these family moments. I think that's all I felt bad about. I'm not really emotional otherwise.

Okay, so this book takes place somewhere in the future, in my mind it's in the United States, but it could very well be the whole world. There are 12 districts. Each year one male and one female from each district is selected at random to participate in the Hunger Games. The game is a fight to death, with only one victor left standing. It sounds gory and full of action, but it isn't too bad, promise. The Hunger Games is a way the government reminds the districts who is in charge. That they can and will take your children to fight to the death each year, and celebrate it.

Katniss, the main character, goes with her male counterpart, Peeta. Peeta confesses his love for Katniss in front of the country during the interview before the games. And now they have to fight to the death, basically. She encounters a little girl from district 11, Rue, with whom she becomes allies with. The story goes into how she survives in terms of hunting and gathering food, escaping death a few times, and killing a few people.

That's all I am going to say. But it was a good read. The problem with me is that I don't like endings very much. I always predict the end and end up right. Or the ending is dumb. Well I thought it was fabulous up until the end. I felt it was too unfinished.

Which is why there is a sequel, duh.
Then I felt the same way about the second book, Catching Fire. Which is why there's another book, duh again.

All I have to say about Catching Fire, without giving away too much of the first is that IT IS SO GOOD. *POSSIBLE SPOILER BUT NOT REALLY* There's a sequel so obviously Katniss survives in the first book. But the president is not happy with her and there's a lot of drama and she has to play in the Hunger Games AGAIN. *END OF POSSIBLE SPOILER* And the ending was amazing and it just ends...leaving me begging to know what happens next. unfortunately my sister has the third book with her and I'll have to wait like a patient princess. Except I am not patient and not a princess.

I cannot wait to read the third. I don't even know what it's called...Mocking Jay?

As far as the movie goes, I will say this. I am weird. I always read the book first then watch the movie. Then get disappointed in the movie. It's a vicious cycle. I did this with Harry Potter and the first movie and didn't watch another until the 7th book.I did this with My Sister's Keeper. But the movie was dumb all on it's own, even if I didn't read the book. Everything looks so perfect and awesome in my head. The movie ruins it. So from now on I'll do the opposite. A lot of people who read the book also loved the movie. To be honest with you, I don't watch TV and movies much, so to sit there for 2 hours and do nothing but watch it made me a little apprehensive. It did pretty much follow the book, with minor changes here and there. And the time frame seemed much longer in the book than it did the movie. Over all, it was pretty accurate.

The Housewife Life - episode 1 "Dryer Woes"

I've picked a few fights with my laundry dryer in the past few months. I end up feeding it the wrong things. And I'm not a ditz that I don't know how to work a dryer. One occurred out of 100% pure laziness and the other was unintentional. Either way, the dryer decided to fight back.

My husband has a habit of not emptying his pockets. Ever. So anytime I have to put his pants or jeans in the washing machine I stand over the garbage can throwing away handfuls of tissues and receipts or putting dollar bills and coins on the night stand.

I do this pretty religiously, because I don't like the rest of the laundry to go bad or an important receipt to get destroyed. One time I was so unfortunate to miss an inky pen. A pen! Who misses a pen? I do. I've found a pen or two in the past. But usually no damage has been done. But this time there was ink all over the dryer. Surprisingly and thankfully, none of the clothes got stained, despite it being a load of whites.

Since the clothes were not affected, I didn't learn my lesson. Of course not.

Another item that frequently gets missed is a stick of chewing gum. Normally nothing happens, except the gum comes out really soft. My husband sometimes eats only half. I noticed a lot of people do this and my question is why? It's so little it's hard to chew it, let alone find it in your mouth. I tried it once and I kept thinking that I'd miss the gum and bite down on my cheek or tongue instead.

This time I knew there was gum in his pants. I could smell the stick of Juicy Fruit all the way across the room. I was lazy and in a hurry to get the laundry done. Thinking that it's no big deal I tossed it into the washing machine. Then the dryer. As I was removing the clothes I noticed white junk all over the dark shirts and pants. This can't be good. I also noticed the strong smell of Juicy Fruit all over the clothes. I looked inside the walls of the dryer and there was sticky gum all over it, all over the clothes. I guess it was half a stick of gum, so it would be easier for the gum to escape onto everything. It didn't look pretty there with all the black ink from the previous incident.

At least the clothes smelled fruity.

I had to scrub the gum off with a metal sponge and goo gone, which worked like a charm. If you haven't heard of it, buy it! It's amazing and a life saver. Only I was scared the goo gone would catch flame the next time I tried to dry something because of the warning label, which is on everything, really, on the back. So I had to wipe it down really good to make sure it would be ok. And that it wouldn't ruin the next load going in.

Did I learn my lesson? Probably not.

Babies.

Now that I am almost done with my exams, quite a few people are asking me when I am going to "give them good news" as they say it in my Indian culture. I have been married for only 18 months and people are already asking me when I am going to have kids. I was engaged for a long time; but living with someone is completely different, irregardless of how long or how well a couple knew each other from before. It's a big adjustment. Babies complicate things and I don't think it's wise to have kids if you are still getting to know and get used to one another.  Unless you have lived together before the marriage. But this isn't permissible in Islam, so that doesn't work here.

I realize that not everyone reading this will know where I am coming from. Time to go off on a mini tangent. Modern day dating in Islam is not allowed. Old school courtship, maybe. But there must be a chaperone. This interaction of getting to know one another is allowed with the intention of marriage. Get to know one's goals, values, see if you're on the same wavelength of faith, etc. It is not an arranged marriage. You can read more about gender relations on our blog here, here and here. Now, I'm not saying that Muslims don't date, it's just not allowed in the religion. Just like there are varying levels of practicing people in any religion, people are on different levels of faith in Islam.

Back to babies.

Soon after our wedding, my husband started residency and I have been studying for my boards. All of them. Both of us have a lot going on and haven't had proper time to enjoy each others company without thinking of all the studying and work that has to be done. There is always something at the back of our minds that has to be done. When I finish an exam and take a break, he has to study or has a busy rotation at the hospital. When he has a rare weekend off {like this one, sigh}, I have to study and we can't just get up and get away for a while. Alhamdulillah, I could not ask for a better marriage and a better husband, but we want to be able to enjoy that time before we have kids. Kids change everything, in a good way. But this phase where we can be selfish and enjoy each others company will never come back once we have kids.

Having children is a very personal thing and I think it's rude to ask someone that question. Yes, children are encouraged in Islam, but it's not a sin to not have them right away. And it certainly is not an obligation to pester someone to have children. What if the couple already had a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages? Or if they can't conceive? Or they are about to split up? Or maybe they are in a rocky relationship and right now is not a good time for children. People constantly asking them is also going to be a constant reminder that they lost a baby/babies or that they cannot have them. And they don't have to announce to everyone they cannot have a baby. They don't need to answer to these people, nor does anyone have a right to ask.

I know it is the "norm" in many cultures to ask this of married couples, but I think it needs to stop. It's their life, let them live it. It's nosy, too. If a couple doesn't have kids, people start speculating that something's going on or something's very wrong. Rumors start to fly. It's totally unnecessary. Some people don't mean it in a bad way, but it sure gets annoying.

Islam for the Muslim Dummy

That would be me.

The Muslim dummy.

Considering I have so many people in my life with Islamic knowledge, I feel like I know nothing about Islam. I lack motivation. For the life of me, I can't self-motivate myself. And once, after much time, I am motivated, I feel like I lack resources and teachers. For some time, my friends have been my main source of learning and knowledge. But since every one of them has kind of gone their own separate way and busy schedules leaving everyone drowning in God knows what, my friends and I haven't been able to connect----Islamically, I guess you could say.

But yeah.

Anyways, so recently I experienced two things that most Muslims experience very early in their life. Or at least by their prime years. And here I am experiencing it in my mid 20's.

I went to visit the graveyard and I went to the mosque for Eid prayer.

I don't think many of my close friends know this about me. Normally I would have felt kind of embarrassed to admit this. But right now, I think I can get past it. Or at least force myself to, in order to share the story.

I recently got married (Finally!??? And Alhamdulilah!) and since I've gotten married, I've talked to my husband about my maternal grandfather a lot. As I've mentioned before, I lost my maternal grandfather a couple of years ago to cancer. And I've always referred to nana as my partner in my crime. So since getting married, I've always felt that missing piece knowing that my grandfather wasn't there to celebrate this joyous occasion with me and my family and is not able to get to know my husband. Nonetheless, it's something I've learned to not think about or dwell on.

Since my grandfather passed away though, I haven't had the courage to visit his grave site. It's something that I chose not to do because I felt like I wasn't emotionally ready to do so. I knew that I couldn't handle seeing his name on a tombstone and think about how he wasn't around anymore. It just became a personal choice of mine to not visit his grave. And I know some people might think it's a bit harsh and a bit inconsiderate considering the relationship my grandfather and I had, however I don't feel the need to defend this.

So along came my husband, and I wanted him to know my grandfather. My sisters, my husband, and I were near the graveyard one day and my sisters suggested going to the graveyard and sending our blessings to everyone we knew that was buried there, including my grandfather. I said that I would stay in the car and send my peace and blessings from the car. But my husband insisted that I go and told me that it would be okay if I went and how in Islam, Muslims believed that there was a reward for visiting the deceased and sending your peace and blessings to them. And praying for them and their soul and their mercy.

So reluctantly I obliged. And I went into the graveyard. And I saw many people I knew that had passed away.

And it was hard.

Harder then I thought it would be.

And it was definitely a learning experience.

Second thing I've very recently experienced was going to Eid prayer. This Eid being the Eid where we commemorate and remember Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) and Eid falling on a Sunday, I was able to attend the prayers with my husband. It was such a happy day for me. I felt like such a kid going to the candy store. I was in awe by things that might be mundane for everyone else. And I was nervous and felt like I would make mistakes. So I asked my husband to tell me what to expect and what to do. I even learned about some traditions and customs that are performed in the masjid during this particular Eid. And I also learned about the pilgrimage that Muslims make to Hajj during this time. And lastly in the lecture, or khutba that, the imam (leader of the mosque), I finally heard the full story about Prophet Ibrahim and the sacrifice he was willing to make for God.

And yes, it is sad that I didn't know that story.

It's also sad that I'm experiencing this so late.

But I'm very grateful that I was able to.

Alhamdulilah. I feel incredibly blessed.

The story of The End of an Era..... and the Beginning of a New One

A long, long time ago, in approximately 1984, my parents migrated from Bangladesh to the United States of America. Just as any parents(or humans, rather) that migrated prior, during, and after that time period, emigrated to the United States of America: for a better life.

So upon entering the land of the free, my parents moved into a house that was owned by my maternal grandfather and grandmother. They resided their with the latter, my two uncles, and my mom's sister and husband and kids, and then us. There were many a people living in that house. It was literally bursting at its seams. Four bedrooms, and each bedroom was occupied by each family. My family was in the master bedroom cause we had the largest family at the time. It was my mom, my dad, my older sister, older brother, and me.

Eventually as time went on, so too did our family members. Until it was at the point that the only people still living in that house was us. My immediate family. And by then, we had grown to an additional family member. And then another. And another. No one in the extended family wanted to stay in that area, they wanted to get out of the "ghettos", which is kinda ironic cause they left one ghetto to live in another.

Aside from that though, we were the only ones left. And my dad had already enrolled us in a school that he really liked so he bought the property from my grandfather and we stayed.

For 27 years.

This past April, we finally moved out of that house, and into a new house away from the depreciated urban city .

For the past five months, since we purchased, signed, sealed, dotted the I's and crossed the T's, I hadn't given much thought to the upcoming change that was looming. After all, there was much work to be done to the new house. Much, much work. It almost seemed like we would never move in. Or by the time we did move in, I would be married off and in a house of my own.

It's funny how one's words could become so true.

So here I am, writing this post while sitting in the new house, and not really wanting to write it.

And also while sitting in the new house, talking to my brother about my new apartment.

I'm moving out of the current new house and moving on to my new life.

With a new person.

The person that I hope and pray that I'll be spending the rest of my life with. InshaAllah, God willing.

And so here I am.

Here we are.

And this is the end.

But also, the beginning. InshaAllah.

P.S. I am very dramatic, I know.

On Top of Things. For five minutes

I forgot that I don't live with my mom anymore.
Which means that I need to know where important things are.
Like my Debit card. And bank statements.
And Reciepts and warranties of the washing machine and two laptops we just bought.
I thought I lost them.

So bought a file with dividers in them. One file. For many small, important things
It's green and from Walmart {my new favorite store and third home}.

But I forgot I don't live with my mom and didn't organize anything for a month.
For a month the empty file sat on the nightstand and stared at me.
It would have kept staring had Mr. FallingUp not shoved it into the drawer.

Then I realized my mom doesn't live with me.
And I cleaned out the drawers and gathered all the receipts and cards {gift cards too} and labelled everything. Now my file is full and happy. The end.

This was the proud moment of my day. My highlight. This is my life. My housewife life until I take my boards.
The end.

 One time my room was so messy the cleaning lady refused to clean it. 

My mother did not find it amusing.

Making Memories

Cooking can be a fun task if done right. I don't like to cook...until I convince myself otherwise.

My mother-in-law LOVES to cook. She literally thinks of what to make, who to feed and when to do it when preparing meals. Some days there will be four dishes, other days add-ons for "if we need an extra dish."

My mother was not like this. My mother is a laid-back person who doesn't cook if she doesn't need to. That means if her kids rather eat something other than rice with curry, she won't complain (unless its a few days in a row). She is also willing and able to eat "American" dishes such as pizza, pastas, baked foods unlike the oily salty spicy Bangladeshi dishes. My mother-in-law cannot eat outside foods. She barely eats anything anyone else makes.

When I was a teenager my mother would not make us cook meals. I could if I wanted to, yet she'd be around to yell if you did the slightest thing wrong. I wasn't responsible for feeding mouths. Usually cooking meant the meats were cut, the onions were chopped and all I had to do was toss food in a pot and stir on the stove.

Now it's different.

I have to cut meats, fishes, vegetables, prepare meals and cook. It's a part of my chores and duties as a wife.

As a teenager my mother prioritized our education, therefore she didn't force us to cook. I can only count a few dishes I knew how to make (enough to survive) before I was married at 20. I'd tell my mom, "I'll hire a chef, who needs to cook?" She would get upset.

I have no chef indeed but I do have a master chef, my mother-in-law, who chooses our meals, and a head chef, my sister-in-law, who cooks most of the food to make sure it comes out perfect. What do I do? I'm the helper. I cut, clean, stir, cook, and do whatever is needed on the side. In the end, we all help each other.

This reminds me of a hadith, a saying of the Prophet Muhammad, about helping people:

“He who removes a burden from a believer in this world will have his burden removed by Allah on the Day of Judgement.Whosoever eases the hardship of another, will be given ease by Allah in this world and in the Everlasting Life.... Allah continues to help a worshiper As long as he continues helping his brother...(Muslim)."

Religion can be a motivation to do good things you don't like, to earn rewards.

My sister-in-law said if a person starts a chore saying, "Bismillah" or "In the Name of God" and ends the task saying, "Alhamdulillah" or "Thanks be to God," the time spent is counted as a good deed.

Every time I think of how much I don't like to cook, I think of the blessings in disguise: my family is happy, I get to eat healthy and I spend my time wisely. Count your blessings.

You Don't Really Know

Almost every girl I know is trying to get married.

"Youthful Wisdom, please can you find me a guy. I need to get married."

So I'm about to break it down for real right now. I'm so ANNOYED with single people talking about marriage as if its the most amazing thing in the world. I'm FRUSTRATED with girls bringing up the marriage topic all the time. I'm TIRED of girls without guys planning out their extravagant future wedding. I'm SICK of people telling me that I got it easy and that my life is amazing because I'm married to the Hubster. (Alhumdulillah)

It's about time everyone gets a reality check. Marriage is not the most amazing thing in the world. Yes, its awesome but does that it mean that your life is suddenly going to be fulfilled if you're not fulfilled right now? Does it mean that you'll find happiness if you don't know how to be happy one your own? Does it mean that your pathetic life is suddenly going to be filled with spontaneous fun and flavor?

NO. It does not.

Everyone always talks about marriage in the most positive light. As amazing as married life is, its important that we be frank about it. The reality is, marriage is just a continuation of your life, only now with more responsibilities and hardships.  It is the union of two completely different people with different backgrounds, different customs, different ways of living. And now these two people must come together and figure out how to build a life together, in unison.

I don't think people realize how difficult that really is. I don't think people realize how emotionally grueling this process is. Marriage tests you in every facet of your life and if you're patient then perhaps you'll make it through alive and happy. But that does not happen right off the bat.

Statistics say that almost 50% of first marriages result in divorce. Thats one in every two people!! Take a minute to let that sink in. Seriously. The main reasons why: poor communication, arguments, and infidelity.

If you aren't patient, if you don't know how to keep your mouth shut when you're angry, if you don't know how to place others in front of yourself, if you get upset easily, if you complain often, then you need to A) rethink whether you're really ready for marriage and B) understand the reality of this lifestyle change.

My advice to all you singlettes trying to get married: Please please please ENJOY your single life. God gave us different phases of our life so we can grow and learn from them. There is a blessing in being single and there is a blessing in being married. And hopefully you get to enjoy both those blessings. Be grateful for whatever one you're in because you're in one stage or the other because thats what God knows is best for you.

I apologize if this post offended you. I just wanted everyone to know the reality of what they keep asking for.

Why I Saved Myself

"So how he is in bed? I mean relatively speaking...in comparisons to your exes."

"Actually, my husband was my first."

"WHAT?? Get outta here. How old are you?"

"22" 

"Wow. That must have been liberating...long time waiting, huh?"

Surprisingly, for most females my chastity comes as a shocker. Apparently its a liberating experience to have sex; and even more liberating to have it casually just like men because at that point we're like equal genders. Right?

I mentor a bunch of high school girls in my community. We'll sit in my car and talk about their boy problems and how the guy they're talking to/texting/hanging out with is different. And to every single one of these girls I say the same line.

Boys just want to get in your panties. 

Really, I have a husband. I now know the male perspective all too well. And for some reasons many girls just don't buy it. Here's my take on it.

Boys want sex. Why? Because they have a build up of pressure and the release of an orgasm feels amazing. (Really amazing, actually)

Okay so now that they know they need sex what's next? Find a vagina to stick it in, preferably one that has legs. The finding part is usually really easy because girls nowadays are a) throwing themselves at guys like sex objects with their miniskirts, outrageous cleavage, and booty popping skills or b) wanting to be 'liberated' so are open to having casual sex for the pleasure.

Sex is more than just a physical release. Its more than just a one night fling. Its a beautiful experience of two people being as close as possible to each other, physically and hopefully emotionally too. In my humble opinion, girls that give themselves up are just vaginas boys are hoping to find.

I never wanted to be just a vagina. There's a lot more that comes with this package. I wanted my man to need more than whats in my panties. I wanted him to need me. And so came the Hubster who had to put in a LOT of effort to even come close to having sex with me. He had to pull his life together, know his purpose, foster a deep relationship with me, and finally, seal the deal with a ring and signature.

The Hubster sarcastically asked me the other day, "You think I really need you??"

"Absolutely." 

"I think so too."

Surprise!

The story goes a little something like this.

I'm sitting in the den, minding my own business, watching random youtube videos on the Hubster's macbook as usual. (My laptop is crappy and takes 10 minutes just to load up) I had a bunch of tabs open and what not. Then I hear someone rustling in the kitchen then starting walking up the stairs.

Lo and behold it was the Hubster. He comes right into the den, closes all my tabs and shuts the laptop.

"What the heck! I was doing stuff yo!" 

"Yea but its MY laptop. So I can do whatever I want with it."

"Excuse me? You just closed everything I was looking at!!"

"So? Its mine. I own it. Just like I own you." He has the most serious look ever at this point

"WHAT? Are you serious? I'm not your property homie. What's wrong with you?"

"Go get me some juice." He walks off and lays down in the bedroom

I of course storm into the bedroom super mad. "Get you some juice?? How dare you talk to me like that."

"Just go downstairs and get me some juice" Now he starts gesturing me to go away.

"Why are you treating me so crappy right now? Seriously." Then I walked downstairs to the kitchen even though I really just wanted to beat the Hubster.

Upon entering the kitchen I saw this big white box on the table.

Hmm... weird. What's this? 

I pick up the box and start turning it looking for a sticker or something that said what it was.

OMG. 

On the side, very small and discreet, the box said "macbook."

"OMG OMG OMG!!!!"

The Hubster came down smiling. I opened the box and inside was a fresh beautiful brand new macbook!

"You are so annoying!! Thank you thank you thank you!!"


The end.

I Swear My Hymen is Still There

I'm a virgin.

Apparently.

What does that even mean? I took a human sexuality class last semester and the professor posted a really good question. What does it mean to have sex?

Does it mean to have actual intercourse? Ok let's break it down by throwing out some scenarios. Before I do that let me put down a disclaimer that physical contact between men and women is generally a big no-no in Islam, let alone dating or even coming close to premarital relations. At the same time our reality in the US is that so many young Muslims are doing it anyway, regardless of its prohibitions in Islam.

With that said, let's look at the following three scenarios.

1. Couple A want to remain 'virgins' so they decide to dry hump (keeping their clothes on)
2. Couple B decide to engage in oral sex especially so the girl keeps her hymen in tact
3. Individual C is frustrated so masturbates to release tension

What's in common with all three?

The possibility of reaching orgasm for one.

So let's suppose 1, 2, and 3 all reach climax. What does that mean? They're all sexual experiences but does that mean they've lost their 'virginity'?

I feel like this is a topic that Muslims need to speak up about. It's prevalent in our communities and it's time we talk about it! A lot of times for Muslim women, virginity equates to keeping one's hymen intact. A lot of girls who become sexual active actually go and get get their hymen sewed so their future husbands don't suspect anything. Does that mean she has suddenly been given back her virginity?

So what does it really mean to have sex or lose your virginity.

God says in the Qur'an "But let them who find not [the means for] marriage, abstain from sexual relations until Allah enriches them from His bounty..." [24:33]

From my understanding, the Arabic here leaves leeway to the meaning of sexual relations which connotes all types of sexual relations with a person who is not your spouse. That includes touching, kissing, hugging, etc. The wisdom behind this is that these types of sensual actions all lead up to sex.

I think that these types of relations are on a continuum and virginity deals with all of them. I mean honestly there are so many ways to be sexual active other than intercourse.

I guess that next question is, what do Muslims that engage in these behaviors thinking they're still 'virgin' do?

It's Wedding Season

My friend got married recently. Indian weddings in India aren't the same as Indian weddings in America. Or weddings in America in general.

• Indians like to invite everyone to their wedding. Friends, coworkers, friends of friends and coworkers, the mailman, the guy who made the jewelry. My cousin is getting married and I can invite however many people I want. Usually a couple hundred people attend a wedding.
• Because so many people are invited, they have dinner in rounds, or sitting, as they call them. First sitting is the best because you're eating from unused plates and spoons and bowls and stuff. Second sitting, well, you'll notice the difference. Yuck. SO when dinner comes around everyone tries to get the first sitting. I usually succeed. I'm small, I can run between people's legs and get to the table quick.
• The chairs are generally those ugly plastic chairs. Sometimes they cover them, but mostly the first two or three rows are nice for family and closer people. And plastic for everyone else. I mean, there are SO MANY PEOPLE, it's hard to accomodate.So I understand. No matter how rich one is, if there are a lot of people invited, there will be plastic chairs at 99% of the weddings.
• If you try to make it a small, personal wedding you might get death threats and a million "HOW COULD YOU!? We're practically family!!"'s from the mailman or your grocer.
• Food is served late. I mean 10:45 PM late. I mean the other day I arrived at 9:45 for the wedding. NINE FORTY FIVE PEE EM, people. And I was right on time. I am a sucker for punctuality, but not when it applies to weddings here. I will not sit there and starve. I'd rather have my first dinner at home, then my second dinner 3-4 hours later. But the food is also delicious. It's usually worth it.

Now for the better part of the weddings:

• Anyways, the stage usually is really festive and flowery and pretty. The bride here sits on a pretty velvety thing on the stage that's embellished in gold stuff. I don't know what it's called and I don't have a pic. Later on because probably her feet are all cramped, they get her a chair to sit on. Here's the stage. And the chair.

 

• Here, Muslims wear something called a Khada Dupatta. It's basically wearing a long top and pants and then being wrapped up in 6 meters of fabric. I used to hate it but now I love it. Even though I find it difficult to walk in. Only royalty used to wear these dresses, and I like to think of myself as such. So I shall wear this dress. Seriously, though, with jewelry, and if you wear it right, it looks grand. The first photos is a really simple, non-bridal one. The second is a bridal one. But the brides here wear heavier ones this is also pretty light in comparison and I can't find a heavier one online and I don't want to post photos of my friends up here for religious reasons as they aren't covered up properly.

• 
  
  Oh, and she also has henna on her hands and feet. Usually up to the elbows and a mid-calf. 
  
  
  
  I think that's pretty much it. I haven't really shared my India experience yet, and I have lot of things to write about, but don't know where to start. So I thought I'd start with something cultural before I get into the people and other things that make me want to strangle this country. Byeee. 
  Oh, and I have a bad habit of complaining. So if I complain, which is ALWAYS, please slap me. or at least remind me to shut up and be grateful for everything in my life. :)
  
  
  *Oh, and the two pics of the stage are my photos and the others are courtesy of google.
  ** I did something and the alignment of the post is off and won't fix itself. Sigh. Bye, again

Diaries of a Newlywed

Hello world. I'm sorry I've been so MIA these days.

So I got married.

3 weeks ago.

And life as we know it is completely different from there on.

Some noteworthy things to know for all you haven't gotten married and moved in with a man yet...

1. Having a nickname to refer to your husband is cool. I refer to mine as The Hubster. I think Ford should name a car after it.
2. The male race is so weird. Seriously, they are so different and abnormal. I come from a house filled with all girls and my dad so living with a man alone is just plain strange.
3. Setting up your own house is so fun but tiring. Thank God for bridal registries...it saved us a million shopping trips to get random things like sheets, lamps, forks, etc. All we had to do was organize all our furniture and decorations. Guess what? The house is so cute now...it's exciting starting from scratch. The next feat we have is painting. Maybe next month...
4. Don't try to be the perfect wife. You'll just end up spoiling your man and then he'll just expect you to be that perfect wife for the rest of your life. My philosophy is to give him a little at a time so he's more appreciative later on when I'll do more. So far I haven't even cooked a meal in the house. I think next week that bone will be thrown.
5. Even though married life takes a lot of work it's fun, especially racing up and down the stairs. Hopefully five years down the road I can say the same...

Till Death Do Us Part...until we meet again in the afterlife of course!

December 27th was my one year anniversary! I wanted to be all cute and post something on 12 am December 27th BUT clearly as you can see THAT didn't happen. It was cuz I was in Canada and didn't have a post prepared nor was I willing to sit and write one since I was so damn exhausted from attending the RISconference, which BTW was great!

(ris=www.revivingtheislamicspirit.com)

So yes, I spent my anniversary + 3 extra days at an Islamic Conference in another country. Oh and C.C was with us too!! Hiii C.C!! =] OMG that reminds me, on the measly 4 hour drive to Toronto, we pulled over twice because my bladder was acting outta control and boy can I tell you that the public "washrooms" in Canada are SO FREAKING CLEAN! At least the ones I used. They had an inspection sheet posted on the wall and these washrooms were cleaned every 15-20 minutes. NOW that's what I call service!! I think Canadians have time to spend cleaning their washrooms because hellooooo, they have universal healthcare and we all know that just makes everything sooooooo much better. Really. Ok so back to my non-i-versary. Basically at 12 am anniversary night, my husband and I looked at each other, smiled and said, "Happy anniversary". And you know whaaaat? That was totally OK! I remember at the beginning of December, A.L. asked what I'd be doing on my anniversary and I told her I'd most likely be at the Islamic conference. She said, "have a GOOD time at RIS and at your 1st anniversary. its perfect, you will spend a weekend uplifting your islamic spirituality TOGETHER... that's perfectly romantic <3"

Alhamdulillah.

And AL was so right! Who says gifts have to be wrapped? Or that you even need to exchange gifts? My husband and I were together, safe, happy and healthy! We didn't need to go on a date or to dinner/movies to enjoy our 1st year together. I think being at the conference together was more memorable than throwing an anniversary party or getting some blingblingchingching, not that there's anything WRONG with that ifyouknowwaimsayen. ;)

The husband makes me happy. Real happy. I should tell him that more often. I'm usually too busy imitating karate moves, pinching his cheeks and throwing fake punches his way. don'task cuz I aint gonna tell.

Oh btw: Happy one day belated birthday to C.C!! And happy 2 week belated birthday to C.A.! Danggggggg everybody's gettin' old! ;)

Until next time, peace!