Thursday, February 25, 2010

Words of the Week

Deliquesce \del-ih-KWES\

1.To melt away or to disappear as if by melting.


Since I've been accepted to my graduate school of choice my motivation to do well in my current classes has deliquesced.


Pukka \PUKH-uh\, adjective

1.Authentic; genuine.
2.Superior; first-class.


I am so baller. I am so pukka. So is this blog.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My family is WE ird

A short segment

Brother C: Hey CC how come Dad's side of the family is all tall and Mom's side isn't? How can I become tall?

Me: You can't really. It's in your genes.

Brother C: What?

Me: It's in your genes.

Brother C: ... Noo.......Really?!!

Me: ...Yeah your genes control whether you're tall or short.


Brother C: NO WAY! It's like In our DENIM?!

Me: .....what? (of course it's my turn to say what)

Brother C: (stares down at his JEANS) HOW?!

Me: .........................

And BAM there you have it...another segment of My family is weird

CC out

Monday, February 22, 2010

Reflections Journal

I started something new last week. It's been going pretty much amazing.

Basically I read a section of the Qur'an everyday and write down my reflections on verses that struck my eye in my reflections journal (which is on Word b/c I hate writing and love typing).

It's been quite a spiritually enriching experience. I mean each verse has newer and deeper meaning when I'm reading and actually reflecting on the God's words.

So far I've written my reflections on the verses of the first two chapters of the Quran in my journal).

Here's an example of one of my reflections...

وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ

And when My servants ask you about Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me so that they may be rightly guided. [2:186]

A group of believers once asked the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings upon him, 'Is our Lord nearby so that we should talk to Him secretly, or is He far away, so that we should call out to him?’. This verse was revealed to answer their question.

I love looking at how Arabic syntax and sentence structure gives depth to the meaning of the verse. In this case, look at the red phrase above. God responds by saying "If my servant asks about me, Indeed I am near." God uses the Arabic language in such an eloquent way to convey to us that He is very close to us.

God is showing His nearness to His servant first by mentioning him as "
عبدي" ('abdi) which in Arabic generally means "My servant." [Technically speaking it means someone who willingly puts himself in servitude of someone]. God could have answered the question saying “if someone asks you about me” or “if a believer asks you about me,” but He doesn’t. Instead he uses a very special word in Arabic which connotes a more intimate meaning.

Second, the form of the word (because it’s all one word) makes the possessor (God) and the possession (servant/believer in Him) close in actual space in this verse. In Arabic the way the language looks also gives depth the meaning.

Third, God shows His nearness to us, His servants, by not putting the word "say" after the conditional clause. For example, I could say, "If someone asks them about SD's blog, tell them its" In giving an answer to the question you would put "tell them" or "say to them" or some type of verb that indicates what you should be communicating to the questioner. But in the verse, God turns to the first person and just says, "Indeed I am near." It's beautiful because you don't need a mediator or intercessor speaking on your behalf to’s a direct relationship between you and Him.

I like to picture verses like a movie. For this verse I imagine God first facing the Prophet and then for the second part just turning to the believers who asked the original question and letting them know directly, "I'm right here for you!"

Lastly, God says "Indeed I am near." He could have just said I am near but He used emphasis on the fact that there is absolutely no doubt of the fact that He's near.

I don’t know if this all was too technical or not but I really just love analyzing the Arabic of the Qur’an. I feel like it gives me such a strong connection with God’s words.

So don’t forget… if every you need anything or are going through a hard time or anything really just turn to God and ask Him…He’s always right there waiting for you!


I know this is a few days late- and I did hear about this..but this is the first time I actually read all the details.
this is the story:


The six British citizens whose passports were apparently used by the members of the hit squad that killed a Hamas leader in Dubai last month all had their passports taken from them for a few moments by officials at Tel Aviv's airport during routine procedures. The British Foreign Office has been told that Israeli oficials copied the passport numbers in order to create new documents that would later be used by the hit squad. It marks "the first time Israel's involvement has been directly alleged," writes the Telegraph. The allegation increases pressure on Israel to answer claims that Mossad, its intelligence agency, was involved in the killing. The hit squad is believed to have been made up of at least 11 assassins, who were posing as tourists using British, Irish, German, and French documents.

I don't really have that much time to post my thoughts about this- but yeah..

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Who is he?

(photo credit: Google images)

A man stood at the bottom of the stairs in the college building, asking each person who walked down from the second floor, "Can you help me?" or "Can you give me a dollar?"

His mouth was half toothless. His teeth were pointy. They were rugged like mountains.
His teeth were a pale yellow.

His clothes were decent. He didn't have any holes in them. He was covered from head to toe, in the Michigan winter chill.

I told myself, "Keep walking. Pretend like you're busy so he won't bother you." But he did.
He repeated one of his questions, "Can you help me?"
"I'm sorry," I said, without giving an explanation.
He had dried patches of fluid near his eyes.

At 5'9 ft, he wore a hat, a beige jacket, and long pants. He held a brown paper bag.

I walked to the study lounge where my sister studied on a 5-by-10 foot table.

I told her what had just happened.

He showed up at the lounge. Walking past our table, I could feel his eyes darting towards me.

My sister tried to convince me not to feel bad for not helping him.
"Oh, he's not homeless. He is dressed well, doesn't have anything broken on him, and he doesn't look hungry," she said.

"You can tell he's not homeless," my sister repeated.

"I have to go to class," I told my sister.

"If you still feel like you have to help him...," she shrugged.

I walked over to a vending machine before returning to class. Just as I was about to insert a dollar bill into the machine, I saw him again.

"Can you help me please?" he said, as he slightly leaned in towards me. He was next to my face.
"What do you want the money for?" I said, demanding for a good answer.

He stammered. He stumbled over words.

My eyes bore into him.

"I want to get some McDonald's," he said.

He repeated it.

"Okay." I said, handing him the dollar bill.
I stormed off to class. I could hear his voice trailing down the stairs.

"Can you help me? I want to get some McDonald's," he said to someone else.


Friday, February 19, 2010

Hooray, Hooray, it's the 100th day!

Happy 100th day of school!!!

What? You didnt know?

It's a national holiday.

The 100th day of school is a big hoopla that everyone commemorates.

And it's such a big deal in kindergarten and first grade.

When I found out that the 100th day of school was today, my first thought was FML.

Since I thought that the 100th day of school already passed a WHILEEEEEEEEEEEEe ago, I was extremely disappointed that it was just now occurring.


So in honor of the 100th day, I made my kids stay quiet for 100 minutes.

They only lasted for half hour.

Every time someone would breathe I would add ten minutes.

It was quite entertaining for me. They did last more than thirty minutes, but I wanted to prolong it as much as possible.

And also in honor of it, I showed them my hair. I wear hijab , and they've always asked to see my hair, and I was like "What the heck! It's the hundredth day of school, WHY NOT!?"

But in reality, that's not how it happened. My hair was sticking out in every possible ways. And about ten of my first graders kept saying "Ahem Ahem" and pointing at my head. And it got to a point when I was like, you know what, I gotta fix it. So I had one student guard the door, as I unpinned my hijab, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop. And the boys were all covering their eyes, but peeking as well. And when I did it, you heard one sharp intake of breath from the entire class, and then a "Wow". And then the class burst out in an uproarious applause. I ended it with a bow and a curtsy and a "You're far too kind."

Kids are good ego boosters.

I digress though.

Back to the 100th day of school. Another activity that I asked them to do was draw a picture of what they think they would look like when they were 100 years old and write about what they will be doing. And I have to say, some of them were incredibly amusing that I had to share it with you all:

When I am hurundred yeards old I will have grand chidren and neces and nefews and it will be so fun. I will not be alive.

I would die it will be sad. I don't want to die I won't to be in peridice with Jehovah and I love Jehovah is cool, nice, sweet, and powerful. you can make a house, eat the animals will be nice to you, and you will be alive ferever but not the animals.

If I was one hondred I would be old with a cane and crumbly skin and my theeth would fall out and my hair will be gray and I might be in a wheel chair living at a nursing home with other old people.

This is what I think I would look like when I am 100 yers old. And I think I am going to be so, so, so, so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so so, so, SMART. And I will know everyone that is 100 will die.

If I was 100 year old I will rasle and be a army. And go to collge to play football and play in the Olanpix.

And last but not least,

When am a-hundred years old I would need to sit in a wheel-chair I would be very old that I would not know how to do KARATA forever and not knwo how to draw or paint I would live in Michigan or Vergea but I will not live in a broken house because they got blown down.

So to you, I say,
Happy 100th Day!

And may the next 82 days of school go a helluva lot faster than the last 100 days!!! InshaAllah and AMEEN!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Change of Mind

Sometimes I change my mind. This time I changed my mind on what I said in my "What if"post.

I finally watched Adam and let me tell you all... I LOVED it. It was just so real.

(If you have not watched the movie and don't want to know the ending stop reading now.)

And you know what, I loved the ending. It didn't make me think "what if."

It made me think, wow life works out perfectly. Had Adam and Beth ended up together he would have never been forced to try to live on his own. He needed her during the time after his father's death to cope and to ease his transition into life as a man on his own two feet.

It makes me think that we cross paths with people at perfect times, never too early and never too late. Like Allah has already planned when we'll need that person and then conveniently places that person in your life during that time.

Maybe those friendships diverge later on in life but sometimes that's just okay because at least we can look back and say, Man, I really gained something great from my friendship with that person.

Realizing that alone makes you get over the sad, the regret, the questions of what could have been, and lets you savor the memories of happiness you once had.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mrs. Cullen: The Musician

Dear Friends,

Hope the week is going by quickly for all of you. Or—not so quickly if there is something in the future that you are not looking forward to. Anyway, I wanted to share with you guys something I am trying.

Ok, like most college students—actually never mind. Like—well practically everyone in the world—I enjoy music. Personally, I enjoy depressing, love songs. (I’m so lame and pathetic sometimes.) Anyway, yeah, that’s me. I listen to music on my way to college, on my way home, while walking to class, while walking to my car after class, on my way to work, on my way home from work, on my way to hang out, on my way back from hanging out, in my room while studying, in my room while doing nothing, when I’m bored on youtube, and more.

In Islam, music is a kinda touchy topic. Most scholars say that music is not permissible. And there are many reasons that are given for this. But anyway. That’s not really my point. My point is that, for me, music kinda was/is a big part of my life. And then I realized that it was such a distraction. So many times I would have random songs (usually Lada Gaga) stuck in my head. It was so annoying. I guess I kinda fell in love with it. Seriously. I mean I listened to it 24/7, how lame is that. Anyway, some of you probably think 1. I listened to music too much or 2. Who cares its not a big deal. But, well it kinda is a big deal for me.

I just felt like it was becoming too much a part of my life. Ok maybe I am exaggerating a lot. I dunno. The point is. For a few weeks I gave it up. I thought it was going to be SO HARD. And impossible. I mean, I have over 900 songs on my iPod. How was I gonna do it?? Well, it wasn’t hard at all. And ever since I stopped, I honestly, truly feel that my mind is always clear. I might sound lame to you guys. But you should try it for just a day or two, or maybe a week. Promise, I feel like my mind is always so clear now. Also, not listening to music has cut down so much other useless stuff in my life. For example: I no longer surf Youtube for hours and hours. I no longer listen to stupid radio stations, and I’m listening to a lot of Quran. And I realized that if I can easily have all the songs that play on the radio memorized, then I should easily be able to memorize parts of the Quran (as Muslims, it’s a great deed to memorize the Quran, and many benefits believed to come for those who do so…just as it is believed in Christianty for those who memorize the Bible).

So yeah, a friend and I starting memorizing together, kinda, AHEM AHEM..Anyway. That’s all I really have to say. Sorry to bore you. You should try not listening to music for a day or two and tell me how it goes. Oh. Or in the spirit of Lent, are you giving up anything???

Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

A Night to Remember...

This year was the first year I got to "celebrate" Valentine's Day at a school with children. The reason I say quote, unquote, celebrate, is because I work for a Charter school and frankly, we cant "celebrate" anything.

Regardless of that fact, on Friday, February 12th, 2010, our school hosted a Daddy/Daughter date night in celebration of Valentine's Day. There were 200 daugthers that pre-registered and would be attending with the important man/men in their lives.

I volunteered to stay after school and help out for the event. It was a Friday evening, the show was supposed to start at 6 and I was tired.

I wanted to go home and I kept kicking myself for volunteering.

But after it was all over and I was going home, I realized that I had a good time and was really, really happy that I stayed.

I work in a predominantly African American school in an urban city. I've also lived in this urban city my entire life and have gone to public schools in this city.

The parent involvement, particularly that of a father figure, in schools and in cities such as these is exceptionally low compared to that of neighboring suburban schools. It is unbelievably sad and ridiculous to witness. But on this specific night, at this particular event, I was surprised to see that an innumerable amount of men were involved with their daughters' lives, especially their education.

We had a Reading Room, an interactive Game room, a Board Game room and a Food Room. Every half hour we rotated so that each couple was able to go to each station. After manning the registration table and checking everyone in, I decided to walk around each room and take a peek at what was going on. And the sight that I saw, brought a huge smile to my face.

In the reading room, fathers and daughters and uncles and nieces and grandfathers and granddaughters were all equally engrossed in a specific book. In the board game room, you heard cheers and cheerful banter amongst opposing sides. In the interactive game room, young girls were teaching older men how to play games on a Wii. And lastly in the Food room, daughters and fathers were enjoying a free dinner provided by the hospitatlity committee of our school, free of charge.

The day before the event, one of my students came up to me and said "Ms. Attitude, you should come with your dad." And I couldnt help chuckling and kinda wishing that I could have done this with my dad when I was a kid.

It was, in my personal and professional opinion, a spectacular and successful night. Each girl came in dressed up in their finest attire and in tow was a very special man and probably one of the best dates that a girl could ever wish for.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Macarona Bechamel

I love to cook. Seriously. Today I'm cooking an Egyptian dish... Macarona Bechamel. It's reaaallyy good! My teacher in Egypt taught me how to make it.

Here's my recipe of it..
  1. Boil 2 bags of Penne pasta and set aside
  2. Chop 2 onions and fry in pot
  3. Add 1 lb ground beef to the onions and keep stirring until cooked
  4. Add a bit salt, pepper, 2 tsp cumin, and a bit of garlic to the beef
  5. Boil milk in another pot with salt, pepper, and cumin for 15-20 minute
  6. In a different pot heat 1 cup fat (butter, margarine, ghee ... I like pure butter/oil ghee)
  7. Add the same amount (or a little more) of flour to the mixture
  8. Slowly add milk to the mixture until it becomes a creamy thick béchamel sauce (this takes a lot of mixing and arm muscles! The mixture will be thick so keep adding more milk until it becomes a thick saucy consistency)
  9. Mix half of the béchamel sauce with the pasta in a large foil tray or casserole dish
  10. Put half pasta on the bottom of a large pan then add all the beef then add the rest of pasta above beef.
  11. Add the rest of the béchamel on the top of the pasta
  12. Crack and egg and mix it in a separate bowl. Spread it on top of the pasta Put in oven for 30 minutes until golden brown at the top
  13. Dig in and Enjoy! If you make it, let us know how it turned out!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Internet, you are awesome.

"You have reached the end of the internet. "

I have always wanted to see if that ^ is possible. I'm sure its not but I think I saw it on The Simpsons once; wouldn't it be cool though? You would feel like you accomplished something; maybe they would even have a certificate you could print out and display in your cubicle. Or perhaps you would feel like a loser because apparently you had nothing better going on in your life. Hm.

Anyways, random finding of the day. The internet was actually invented as a means for agencies to be able to interact better with one another, surprise surprise (or something like that--I'm sure it was more of a surveillance thing). It was never meant to become so widely used but I guess somewhere in between some wise guy thought "Hey what a great way to make boat loads of money!" And since money makes the world go round, the internet as we know it was invented. Which by the way, Al Gore had nothing to do with. Please ignore him if he tells you otherwise. I have a feeling he invented global warming though.

So back to the internet. I don't know who but some talk was going on about making internet a privilege rather than a right, and to enforce that people would have to obtain licenses to use it. I really didn't get how any of that would work, but I thought I would pass the word along. Vive la révolution!!

Anyways in my humble opinion, I think the internet did wonders (in most ways but not all) to the world. For one, it made the world a much smaller place. Example: I "attended" my cousins wedding party from 10,000 miles away because they were able to set up web-cams and broadcast it to us. Interesting, no? Also, it gave me a means to keep in touch with my friends who are scattering around the USA slowly, or at least Simply Me has.

I can go to any computer, anywhere and access full text of the Quran in Arabic, English and 5 other languages! This means I don't have to worry about carrying around the Quran which means I don't have to worry about always being in a state of Wudu to touch or hold the Quran (Wudu is an ablution we perform before praying and it is also needed in order to recite the Quran in Arabic-- It is done as a respect towards the sacred text and because we should always be in a purified state-- mind, heart, and body--when we are doing any form of prayer). So when I have a lunch break at work and nothing else to do, I can easily pull up a chapter of the Quran. Of course coworkers may get wary and suspicious, but that's another story. Maybe I'll just stick to the English version at work ;).

It gives easy access to information of all kinds, good thing and bad thing, so we'll have to work on that one. But by the good thing, I mean, didn't you watch Confessions of a Shopaholic where she Googles "angle on a story" on her first day at work? Please don't tell me you have not used Google for a similar situation.

And lastly, if there was no internet, we would be in no better position than Neanderthals. We might as well move into caves and start rubbing stones together for fire. I kid. I meant, if we had no internet, then how would you have gotten to know us here at Symph. Discord? That's reason enough to love the internet, if I do say so myself.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A Mighty Heart

I have been obsessively reading the book, A Mighty Heart, a memoir by Mariane Pearl co-written with Sarah Crichton. Journalist Mariane is the wife of the late Daniel Pearl, former Wall Street Journal foreign correspondent.

Daniel was reporting in India before the 9/11 attacks. He then went to Karachi, Pakistan on assignment to find links between the shoe-bomber, Richard Reid, and terrorists.

With the help of a fixer and misunderstood sources, he got kidnapped.

Mariane began the 4-week search.

The book subtitled, “The Brave Life and Death of My Husband, Danny Pearl” made me lurk to find out the grim details.

My eyes were glued to the pages.

After getting through three-fourths of it…the part where Danny is killed, I took a deep prolonged breath.

He was killed in February 2002.

Is it really true?

“Oh-my-gosh. How could this happen,” I thought.

Instinctively I do what I’ve been holding off for so long, I Google searched: “A Mighty Heart”, “Mariane Pearl”, and “Daniel Pearl Wall Street Journal”.

It was confirmed. He was a real person. This really happened.

I think I have seen Daniel’s pictures before. They were sent by the terrorists to media, and later spread on the Internet.

They seem familiar.

Making connections

Daniel’s story unfolds as Mariane describes his pure heart, one that crossed all boundaries of religions, cultures, and backgrounds to unite all with the truth. This truth drove him to many places, and to a gruesome end.

Mariane was pregnant during the incident. She later gave birth to a boy, who she named Adam.

This name represents the beginnings of time, before there were Muslims, Jews, Christians and terrorists. This name links us all. It represents the best of humankind.

Daniel was Jew, Mariane was Buddhist. They were hurt by Muslim extremists. But they were also helped by Pakistani Muslims and American Christians (government officials).

With that spirit, Mariane wrote this book filled with hope, determination and the chase for the truth.

Ashaduanna illaha illalah” - There is no God but God.

I can’t believe the terrorists pray the same prayers I do. I can’t believe they don’t feel guilty for the hatred they spread. Much more I can’t believe they really exist.

Between the finger-pointing, over-exaggerating and misunderstanding of Islam and Muslims, it’s hard to be on the Muslim side and believe there are these big scary guys, who Mariane refers to “guys with long beards,” in their mid-20s’, killing off the “rest of the world.”

It's almost like ignoring their existence to defend ourselves.

What they are doing is, installing fear of Muslims, vainly in the name of God.

Then media blows things out of proportion. Mariane says in the book, American journalists were not aware of the reality, and feeding off of her misery by showing videos of her husband's killing on air.

Back to reality

There are terrorists. Perhaps there are a smaller number than we think exist, and yet there are many. Some live among them, some hide and protect them, and some are wrongfully labeled as associates of them - including many non-profit charity organizations.

Unlike the terrorists who were uninviting of Daniel, his family and friends have opened the Daniel Pearl Foundation, a nonprofit group for journalists who need scholarships and their feet in mainstream media - including Pakistani journalists - and to continue his mission of equality.

"The Daniel Pearl Foundation has been formed by Danny's family and friends to continue Danny's mission and to address the root causes of this tragedy, in the spirit, style, and principles that shaped Danny's work and character. These principles include uncompromised objectivity and integrity; insightful and unconventional perspective; tolerance and respect for people of all cultures; unshaken belief in the effectiveness of education and communication; and the love of music, humor, and friendship." (

Bringing it home

There are good people, among the bad.

Mariane recognizes and acknowledges not Muslim people are bad. Pakistani officials and “the rest of the world” helped her figure out the clues that led her to Daniel’s death.

She says Islam is misrepresented through the terrorists. After living among Muslims for long, she acknowledges not all are those terrorists.

Mariane says the main thing they want us for us to fear them. And that is what she will not do, nor should we.

The truth shall overcome.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Mrs. Cullen: Is Frustrated!!

Dear Friends,

There is something that has been crazy bothering me lately and CC has been asking me to write a post about it. So, here I go. So there is this guy. That I don’t know. I mean. All I know of him is his name (lets call him S). And that he goes to school with my sister. They are in a professional program together in a city far, far away: New York City (sigh). Oh. And hes black. HOLLA.

There is a professor in the program who doesn't like a few students. They are four students. They are four of the only non-Caucasian students in the program. I think the program only has 13 students anyway. Two are black and two are Muslim girls (one is Indian and the other is Yugoslavian—FYI I had no idea how to spell that and it took me forever to Google it and find out). Anyway, the semester ended for all the students, and this professor was giving these four students a hard time. She went as far as to tell S that he failed her class. FYI failing means getting a “C.” It also means that he must retake this one class next year. But she decided to lie to him and tell him that it means that he must drop out of his third year classes, and wait until next Fall and become a second year all over again. Anyway, maybe you're wondering why can she make these rules? Well, she can’t. But she does. The director of the program listens to whatever she says. And so do all the other teachers. Why? Because she has tenure. She makes bazillion dollars for the school, for research. So, yeah. They basically kiss her butt.

Still, its not fair. What she’s doing to these students (especially S) isn’t fair. Right? Right. Its crazy. She went as far as to convince the director of the program to move S back a whole year. Sigh. And he listened. Blah. Maybe you guys don’t care. But I really care. This realllllly bothered me. That she was being mean and racist. Just because she didn’t like the student. What made me even more mad is that I felt that my sister and her classmates could REALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE SITUATION. And they were. They were trying to bring justice. But they truly felt like it didn’t matter what they had to say. I created ideas in my head, in which I would contact the school and pretend to be a lawyer. My dad said I could get in trouble for doing that. Sigh. Anyway, the teachers took it too far. They even had S escorted from campus. He was told not to come back on campus. WTH?? As if hes a freaking criminal. Anyway, I felt so bad for S. He lives on his own and honestly if something like that happened to me I would cry and cry and cry and possibly consider hurting myself (ok maybe I am a drama queen but..I do take school very seriously). Anyway, S is smart. The next day he went to the director of the entire school (not just the program). So, the lady he was meeting is basically the boss to those racist fools.

He asked her why this was happening. And you know what she told him? She told him that these select few teachers told her that S was a bad student and that he never went to classes (FYI you aren't allowed to miss ANY classes in professional schools, or you get kicked out). And all these other lies. She was furious. Sigh. Basically she fixed things. Thank God. Anyway, there is a lot more to it but I don’t want to bore you guys. Oh and an interesting fact I learned was that the last time this program had a black student was about five years ago. And he ended up leaving the school and suing because of racism issues. Basically the day I found out this was happening I could not sleep. I just wanted to pray to God for justice for S, and cry. Blah. I HATE HATE HATE when bad things happen to good people. Or to anyone. And you know what made me more mad?? That the professors and director of this program are REALLY REALLY educated people. They have Ph.Ds. They have gone to many colleges and written so many books and done such great things. So how can they be so ignorant and so mean? And if people like these are so ignorant then WHY SHOULDN’T NON-EDUCATED/POORLY EDUCATED/SEMI EDUCATED PEOPLE BE like this? Blah. I hate when bad things happen to people. The system is messed up. And I really have no hope for this world.

Yours for the Sake of….Hope, I guess,

Mrs. Cullen

PS: An interesting fact about S: He is a trainer at this high profile gym and he trained Taylor Lautner (the guy who plays Jacob in Twilight!!) for the movie..oh em gee.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

back to school

This past week was my first week back to college. Yeah I know I graduated last May but I still needed to take my last 2 prereqs for my future career which IwillnotspeakofuntilIgetintotheirprogram. One of the classes I’m taking is “Anatomy and Physiology 2 + Lab” and it’s kinda annoying because technically I’ve taken it already! My alma mater offered "Anatomy and Physiology + Lab". No part 1 or 2. Just AP by itself which actually was a combination of 1 AND 2 and boy was that class real tough and intensive (but I loved it, my favorite college course EVER!!) but a lot of schools that I wanna apply to (for my future career) WON’T ACCEPT "AP". Soooooo I was left with no choice but to retake it. God Willing this class will be a “breeze” since I’ve already learned this stuff.

So let me tell you about this university, in which I am enrolled as a non-degree student … aka … GUEST STUDENT. First off, I had to pay A LOT of money for these 2 classes. I'm not a resident of this state yet so I had to pay non-resident fees, which was 2x more than resident fees. And because I'm a non-degree student, I didn't qualify for financial aid or loans. Which was fine but I'm just sayen. And I wasn’t too lost on the first day because I visited the campus many times (to fill out my application, get my ID, drop off my immunization slips, etc etc). When it came time for my break in-between classes, I didn’t know where to go! I wanted to eat my homemade lunch cuz I was STARVING but really didn’t wanna sit alone in the cafeteria…so I found a spot in the atrium (an area that connects the buildings together) and ate -- and people watched. And that was a slightly depressing scene but whatevs.

After that, I decided to get some information about the college MSA (muslim students association) so I could find out about meetings/prayer area/etc etc. I found the "club room" or student organization office with the help of students who were carrying signs which read "NEED ASSISTANCE? ASK FOR HELP!" The lady in charge of "club" information was out of the office so I was just sitting around waiting for her to return. While waiting, I walked around the office and my eyes fell on this sticker that said something like, "Forget your arrogance, be humble and remember the grave" and I was all thinking like, "Oh whoa, isn't that a little...religious??" so I looked up to see which door it was posted on (assuming it was going to be some religious org) and to my surprise, it was the mediation room! I got so excited!!! Alhamdulillah they have one so now I can pray in between classes inshallah. :)

Overall, there’s a lot of different things I’m experiencing with going back to college again. During undergrad, I drove and it took me about 15 mins cuz I lived sooo close to school. Now I take public transportation and it takes me 1 hour 15-20 minutes to get there. LONGEST RIDE EVER! But it’s cool because I’m catching up on reading “THE TIME TRAVELLERS WIFE”. And it’s also not THAT bad considering I have classes only twice a week. The traveling has left me feeling exhausted though. I’m sure within a few weeks, I’ll start feeling better and hey, it’s doing wondersss to my calves!! ;)

Oh and I feel like I’m in high school again! The college policy is that you can’t be late for class more than twice or absent more than 3 times and if you are absent - there’s a chance you’ll fail the class. And professors take attendance! The college isn’t even that small but obviously not where you have 200 people for a science class (like my alma mater). So yeah, that’s REALLY weird for me because I never had to deal with that in undergrad (well maybe in a few classes). Also my exams are pretty tentative. I HATE that. I hate not knowing when I’m going to have exams. I like being mentally prepared and the professors leaving the dates “up in the air” has got me feeling really really really nervous. And also they check your ID at the entrance (something my old HS did). And the weirdest procedure is when you’re borrowing books from the undergrad library. You can’t just say the name of the book, you NEED to know the call number (whyohwhy!!) and the librarians keep your ID until you’ve returned the book. Talk about strictttttt. Anddddd there’s no eating in the library! OMG we used to PIG OUT at our undergrad lib and it was allowed, just not near the computer stations but here, nope. NO MERCY.

On the other hand, what’s pretty cool is that I don’t have to step outside of the building(s) for ANYTHING! Which is SOOO convenient because I remember during undergrad, the bookstores and libraries and classes would be so far away from each other (since our campus was pretty big) and it would be a drag to walk around, especially in the winter. But at the university I attend now…the library, bookstore, cafeteria (yeah lol) and my classes are in 3 buildings which are connected to each other! It totally feeds my laziness buttt iiiiiiii love it. And 2 of my 3 professors are pretty cool alhamdulillah. The other one is alright, he’s just giving me slight problems regarding a certain situation but insha’Allah it will be resolved soon.

I know semester just started but I’ve been looking forward to spring break even before it did lol. It’s at the end of march. CAN’T WAIT. Spring break means a visit to the MIDWEST! :)

Oh and there's 14 weeks of the semester left (yes I love countdowns).
Anddddd I probably should go study now before the superbowl starts cuz I'm having some guests over for my first superbowl party. No I'm not watching the game. Just made a party out of it since The Husband loves it. Wish you all were here.

But till next time, PEACE!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

What if ??

I was watching the trailer for Adam and it really got me thinking. Actually I was talking to a friend about it.

The question: What if?

What if you went against all odds and made the decision to be with someone you love even though everyone says he's not right for you?

What if you decided to go into a career path that no one was supporting you through because they thought you could do better?

What if you finally quit the job you hate and pursued your wildest dream?

What if you spent all your savings and finally took that vacation you've always wanted?


It's whats stopping all of us from leaping into the unknown. From jumping into what we've always wanted to do but have always been afraid of the question... what if it doesn't work out?

But what if it does?!? The last thing I want on my conscious for the rest of my life is questioning my decision and always asking myself what if it did work out? Where would I be then?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Dear Mrs. Snake Charmer,

I flipping PROTEST you MOVING to DUBAI without telling ANY OF US!!!! How could you?!
Why do you hate me?

Thank you and have a GREAT day,


...On second thought, I think I shall do the same. I shall get up one day, say that I'm "visiting" X land and just not return, except maybe on vacations. MUHAHAAHA
Not that it should matter you Ms. Charmer, it would be all the same to you.

And X land will be a place where all my successive ailments will cease to occur. YES THEY WILL. And I will no longer have to type despite the protests from my 95 year old wrists.
Looking through my twitter profile the other day, I realized how many consecutive malfunctions my body has. From my current problem of wrists that hurt despite all that I do, to my eyes swelling up and hurting every time I blinked, this past summer. And since my eye would hurt when I blinked, I automatically would blink again. And again. And again.

So then, to bystanders, I just looked like I had a twitching problem. And to the more perverted bystanders... probably a winking problem.


And it was just a big mess.

Any my dear friends, (since I know that this blog's reader profile is most likely made up of only friends) the list does goes on.

And no Ms. charmer, I don't think I was addressing that last sentence to you. At least not the dear part. But don't worry. I don't hold any grudges against you.

America is the land of freedom and you exercised that right to move to another land without any notice. Well good for you for being so patriotic till your last day here. Washington would be proud.

I'm sure he's saluting you in his grave as we speak. I wouldn't know for sure, since I don't speak to the dead.

But if I did I would force them all to become readers of this blog. And then we would just change the description of this blog to,"Making the underworld a little bit more open minded..."

Only there is no such thing as an Underworld, that is ruled by Hades, in Islam. So I'm not sure how it would work out.

As it is, I don't speak to the the dead, so we don't have to worry about changing the sacramental description of this blog. I do, however, speak to my cat. And like imagining that me and all my cats of this world share a cryptic means of communication.

In the end, Ms. Charmer, I understand what happened. And I'm happy that you're happy. Really, I am. And maybe soon insh'allah I shall visit you.

Now. I need to stop especially since the time for the noon prayer for Muslims has started and I really made a goal for myself to shower today. It's sad, when one of your goals becomes to take a shower.

So shower, and then prayer before time expires.

And then perhaps serenade my cat.