When you move far away you learn a lot about yourself, your family and friends, and just….life. Well, at least I am. I am learning a lot; in school and every day experiences. My head is going to explode and I can’t take it anymore.
First of all, I learned a lot about my family and how I took them for granted so, so much. And a home. The word “home” means so much more to me now, then it did when I lived with my family. What makes a home? Well, more than one person---that’s for sure. My apartment truly felt like a home when my grandparents came to visit. Now they are gone and it no longer feels like a home. Its just a place where I sleep, shower, breathe and cry. I have been trying to spend as little time as I possibly can at my apartment because it just makes me feel lonely and it makes my mind wander, which is not a good thing. Thank God for the comfort of my school and library.
I guess you learn about your friends too. I’m so grateful to have people who care for me and I really learned this so much more when I moved away. Honestly, I really learned how much some people cared about me. Its nice, and it also sucks sometimes. Its nice because its comforting and it sucks realizing that some people just want to be your friend when you are visiting “home,” but not when you are far away.
Oh. I've also had my first few experiences this semester of feeling "helpless." I mean I've felt helpless before. But I am far away from "home" and there were three instances I really felt that I could've been there for my family and a friend. I hated it.
Other than that I’ve also learned a lot of things I would’ve never learned if I never moved away. People always told me I lived in a bubble and I would get so mad. But I guess it was so true. And it still is, but now it’s a bubble that’s been popped, and still in the process of deflating. I’ve met so many different types of people and I’ve learned a lot about different different cultures and lifestyles—more than I’ve learned the last four years of my life. Fo real.
And there is still so much more I wanna learn. So many things I'm curious about and so many people whose stories I want to know. Everyone has a story. Everything has a story.
Anyway. I’m really really trying to force myself to like it here. And its kind of working☺ Well, kind of. I’ve started to enjoy and adore school, so that’s a start. God willing I will soon enjoy and be grateful for everything else!!
Showing posts with label Mrs. Cullen's rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mrs. Cullen's rambling. Show all posts
Friday, February 25, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
“Don’t mess with Texas”
Texas is an interesting state. The people here have a ton of pride for their country and for their state. It is also home to the most conservative cities. The funny thing is, I am from America’s number one liberal city. Being a Muslim and wearing a scarf on my head, I get a lot looks. But, the people here are also SO KIND. The term “Southern hospitality” is so so so very accurate.
Unfortunately I live in the south, in a very urban city, just like the city I come from. Every day crazy things happen. Boyfriends run over their girlfriends, husbands put their wives on fire, and you know—other totally normal things. Just kidding. I mean those things do happen, in fact those two stories were both on the news yesterday. But its not normal. Its completely crazy.
There are crazy people everywhere. Ever since I moved here I’ve felt so scared and unsafe. Yesterday my classmate’s apartment was broken into. That makes me so sad and scared, especially since he lives in a gated community.
I don’t feel safe at all where I live and the only thing that’s kept me going is the fact that I will move to a different community that is gated. But I guess that’s not even safe. So I don’t know what to do. I kind of just want to stay here because I don’t want to go through the trouble of looking for another place and starting all over. Though the community I live in is scary, I have kind of started to feel comfortable here.
I have my pepper spray in my hand and protection from God so God Willing, I will be ok. Everything will be ok.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
I think I have a serious problem. Recently I watched City of Angels. Ever since I watched this movie, I feel like there might be some people who can hear our thoughts. And this has freaked me out. I don't know. Maybe there are some people with special/magical powers who can do this. I thought about this for a while.
Our thoughts are the only personal thing we have. No one is supposed to know what we are thinking or how we feel.
Last week I realized this person could be in my class. So, I started thinking in sentences. For example, instead of thinking about a situation and how it made me feel, I would say it or narrate it in my head. I will say "man, that really made me mad when so-and-so said that to me." Blah. And then sometimes I will find myself trying to communicate with the person in my class and tell them its rude for them to listen to everyones thoughts, and to leave me alone. Oh. I also ask them not to tell everyone about my secrets.
I feel like such an idiot. But I can't help it. I'm kind of paranoid.
EDIT: I forgot to mention (and then some of you reminded me in comments) that sometimes I think of something really interesting and then look around to see people's reactions. I haven't really noticed anyone look surprised. So, I kinda think it could be someone who sits behind me. There are two whole rows. Hmm.
Our thoughts are the only personal thing we have. No one is supposed to know what we are thinking or how we feel.
Last week I realized this person could be in my class. So, I started thinking in sentences. For example, instead of thinking about a situation and how it made me feel, I would say it or narrate it in my head. I will say "man, that really made me mad when so-and-so said that to me." Blah. And then sometimes I will find myself trying to communicate with the person in my class and tell them its rude for them to listen to everyones thoughts, and to leave me alone. Oh. I also ask them not to tell everyone about my secrets.
I feel like such an idiot. But I can't help it. I'm kind of paranoid.
EDIT: I forgot to mention (and then some of you reminded me in comments) that sometimes I think of something really interesting and then look around to see people's reactions. I haven't really noticed anyone look surprised. So, I kinda think it could be someone who sits behind me. There are two whole rows. Hmm.
Friday, January 14, 2011
My grandparents are coming to visit me next week, God willing. I am so excited! I love my grandparents. They are going to be staying with me for about a month! Yay! Its going to be so nice coming home every day to someone at my apartment. Not to mention, coming home to an amazing home-cooked meal.
The reason they are coming here is because its cold where they live and its warm here. Unfortunately its been kind of cold here for the last few days, but I hope it warms up by Wednesday (when they come!!!)!!!!! They usually stay at home all day so I kinda want to show them around and show them a fun time.
My sister moved away for school a few years ago. My family and I visit her a lot. Even my brother. But he hasn't visited me. It makes me sad, kind of. I wish he would want to come and visit me. I mean I know I don't live in a cool place like New York or California, but I also don't live somewhere like Kansas or Montana. I also have only been gone for a few months now. But I don't know if he will ever want to visit me. I'm not really an outgoing person, according to my friends!!!!!!!
Anyway. I would love to try and cook that chicken YW made (below) but I don't know what cumin is. I do have some chicken breast so I think I will try and make something? And maybe I'll Google cumin. I will let you know how it goes!!!!
The reason they are coming here is because its cold where they live and its warm here. Unfortunately its been kind of cold here for the last few days, but I hope it warms up by Wednesday (when they come!!!)!!!!! They usually stay at home all day so I kinda want to show them around and show them a fun time.
My sister moved away for school a few years ago. My family and I visit her a lot. Even my brother. But he hasn't visited me. It makes me sad, kind of. I wish he would want to come and visit me. I mean I know I don't live in a cool place like New York or California, but I also don't live somewhere like Kansas or Montana. I also have only been gone for a few months now. But I don't know if he will ever want to visit me. I'm not really an outgoing person, according to my friends!!!!!!!
Anyway. I would love to try and cook that chicken YW made (below) but I don't know what cumin is. I do have some chicken breast so I think I will try and make something? And maybe I'll Google cumin. I will let you know how it goes!!!!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I can’t remember who my childhood hero was. I am pretty sure it was one of the power rangers. I was a big fan. And then as I grew a little older I thought my sister was the coolest person. And then it was my dad. Now…I don’t know. I am still my dad’s no. 1 fan.
But here and there you find a few people who you think are so cool. Or maybe not that cool, but they do have some amazing traits or abilities. I go through phases where I think so-and-so is so cool and I wish I could do this-or-that like him/her.
There is one person who I always thought was so cool. We didn’t always get along, but still, there was something about her that I adored. I liked how she is very smart, simple and not a follower. She has her own style. And I don’t mean clothing style (but that too). I just mean everything about her. The way she carried herself. And the things she did or did not do.
And its odd because I don’t get along with this person at all. I guess you can say we are not friends—by choice. Yet, I still admire her. Is that odd?
Anyway, recently I heard she stopped doing the things that she always stood up for. And it made me so sad. I think of myself as a weak, quitter and I hate when other people quit something that they once felt so strongly about. It’s kept me so bummed out for weeks. But I think I learned something from this. I think I need to stop living my dreams through other people. I think I can try to be the person that I always wanted her to be, inshallah.
But here and there you find a few people who you think are so cool. Or maybe not that cool, but they do have some amazing traits or abilities. I go through phases where I think so-and-so is so cool and I wish I could do this-or-that like him/her.
There is one person who I always thought was so cool. We didn’t always get along, but still, there was something about her that I adored. I liked how she is very smart, simple and not a follower. She has her own style. And I don’t mean clothing style (but that too). I just mean everything about her. The way she carried herself. And the things she did or did not do.
And its odd because I don’t get along with this person at all. I guess you can say we are not friends—by choice. Yet, I still admire her. Is that odd?
Anyway, recently I heard she stopped doing the things that she always stood up for. And it made me so sad. I think of myself as a weak, quitter and I hate when other people quit something that they once felt so strongly about. It’s kept me so bummed out for weeks. But I think I learned something from this. I think I need to stop living my dreams through other people. I think I can try to be the person that I always wanted her to be, inshallah.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Mrs. Cullen is Fasting
Dear Friends,
Muslims don’t only fast during Ramadan. There are many times throughout the year that we are encouraged to fast. (Ramadan is the only time it is required to fast.) Next week it will be a special day for us, a holiday, known as Eid. Eid is twice during the lunar calendar; once after Ramadan and then two months and ten days after that Eid. When we were kids we used to call them Big Eid and Little Eid. Haha. Sigh. I miss being a kid. Things were so simple.
Anyway, those last ten days are when many Muslims go for pilgrimage, Hajj. It’s a requirement to go for pilgrimage once in your lifetime, if you can afford it and are physically able to do so.
Anyway. While 2-3 million Muslims have gone for pilgrimage, it is encouraged that we, who are at home, fast those 10 days. It is also encouraged for us to spend these ten days doing extra good deeds like giving charity, being kind to your parents, etc.
So, I’ve been fasting the last few days and it’s been really nice, thank God. The days are really, really short. The sun sets around 5:45 pm (where I live) and that’s when I break my fast and eat!
I am really enjoying these fasts. It makes me feel good and its been helping me a lot with control. I spend a lot of days eating away, watching TV and surfing the Internet. But when I fast, I try to make the most of my day and try to avoid wasting my time. So, it makes me feel very productive, which makes me happy. Sigh. And I like being happy. The biggest thing I get from fasting is learning control. I have issues with eating. I’m basically in love with it. And fasting teaches me to appreciate the food I have and to consume it in a healthy manner and portion.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever completely learn how to control my love for food so the only thing I can do is fast frequently. But I don’t mind that....
Muslims don’t only fast during Ramadan. There are many times throughout the year that we are encouraged to fast. (Ramadan is the only time it is required to fast.) Next week it will be a special day for us, a holiday, known as Eid. Eid is twice during the lunar calendar; once after Ramadan and then two months and ten days after that Eid. When we were kids we used to call them Big Eid and Little Eid. Haha. Sigh. I miss being a kid. Things were so simple.
Anyway, those last ten days are when many Muslims go for pilgrimage, Hajj. It’s a requirement to go for pilgrimage once in your lifetime, if you can afford it and are physically able to do so.
Anyway. While 2-3 million Muslims have gone for pilgrimage, it is encouraged that we, who are at home, fast those 10 days. It is also encouraged for us to spend these ten days doing extra good deeds like giving charity, being kind to your parents, etc.
So, I’ve been fasting the last few days and it’s been really nice, thank God. The days are really, really short. The sun sets around 5:45 pm (where I live) and that’s when I break my fast and eat!
I am really enjoying these fasts. It makes me feel good and its been helping me a lot with control. I spend a lot of days eating away, watching TV and surfing the Internet. But when I fast, I try to make the most of my day and try to avoid wasting my time. So, it makes me feel very productive, which makes me happy. Sigh. And I like being happy. The biggest thing I get from fasting is learning control. I have issues with eating. I’m basically in love with it. And fasting teaches me to appreciate the food I have and to consume it in a healthy manner and portion.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll ever completely learn how to control my love for food so the only thing I can do is fast frequently. But I don’t mind that....
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Some people can be so mean. Do you ever wonder why some people say the things they say? Or do the things they do? I don't know if I'm just really sensitive or if people are just extra mean to me, but sometimes I sit and wonder why the people of this world can be so cruel.
Lately I have been feeling extra hurt and I decided to read a book that has been collecting dust on my bookshelf. Anyway, I thought I'd share a short section from this awesome book, called Don't Be Sad.
How to deal with bitter criticism
"You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.
And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.
So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.
Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.
`Perish in your rage '. (Qur 'an 3: 119)
In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.
If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."
Lately I have been feeling extra hurt and I decided to read a book that has been collecting dust on my bookshelf. Anyway, I thought I'd share a short section from this awesome book, called Don't Be Sad.
How to deal with bitter criticism
"You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect upon others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from people by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are from the denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticized.
And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners, or wealth. In their eyes you are a transgressor whose wrongs cannot be atoned for unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them, innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.
So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words and let them have an influence over you, you will have realized their hopes for them. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.
Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticisms by turning away from them and dismissing what they have to say.
`Perish in your rage '. (Qur 'an 3: 119)
In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.
If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable."
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I love Fall. I love this weather. So. So. So. Much. I used to think it was because my birthday is in this month, but I just LOVE the leaves changing color. And the crunching of the leaves. And the wind. And pumpkin picking and cider mills, though I have never done either. Having a change of seasons is such a blessing. I moved down south, and we don't have fall or winter.
Its just the same weather every single day, all year around. Thats so boring. Change can be really nice. We need to see and feel different things. Although sometimes change sucks. The transition from Fall to Winter, for example. When its so sunny, yet so cold. Those are my least favorite days of the year.
A few weeks ago there was a bug in my apartment and I was terrified. But today, as I was visiting an old friend at the cemetery, a bug came out from the ground. It really got me thinking and kind of freaked me out. Not in the way the bug freaked me out in my apartment a few weeks ago, but in a different way.
It just felt so weird to see that this bug was coming from the dirt. We were made from dirt, and in the end, we become a part of the dirt once again. And seeing that bug just made me realize how everything on this earth has a purpose. The bug. The seasons. The dirt. And change.
I don't really know if this post made any sense. But it was a post nonetheless. Hope you are happy CC.
Its just the same weather every single day, all year around. Thats so boring. Change can be really nice. We need to see and feel different things. Although sometimes change sucks. The transition from Fall to Winter, for example. When its so sunny, yet so cold. Those are my least favorite days of the year.
A few weeks ago there was a bug in my apartment and I was terrified. But today, as I was visiting an old friend at the cemetery, a bug came out from the ground. It really got me thinking and kind of freaked me out. Not in the way the bug freaked me out in my apartment a few weeks ago, but in a different way.
It just felt so weird to see that this bug was coming from the dirt. We were made from dirt, and in the end, we become a part of the dirt once again. And seeing that bug just made me realize how everything on this earth has a purpose. The bug. The seasons. The dirt. And change.
I don't really know if this post made any sense. But it was a post nonetheless. Hope you are happy CC.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Pest
Dear Friends,
It's been a while. The reason I haven't posted is because I felt like I had nothing interesting to say. But then something interesting happened to me recently! Yay me. So, I moved to a far far away state a little over a month ago. I was sad, and still am. But thats not the interesting thing. I live all alone and if I'm not at school, then I'm at my apartment because I don't have a social life--by choice---and because school doesn't really allow for one.
Anyway, thank God for video chatting that has taken over the world; Skype, Oovoo, Gmail Video, etc. I've been able to see my friends and family almost every single day. Its really nice. No. Its amazing. Thank God. Anyway. The other day I was video chatting with Constructive Attitude and cleaning my apartment at the same time. I sat down on my futon for a minute and quickly noticed A HUGE BUG RIGHT NEXT TO ME. LITERALLY. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. On my futon. Oh man. I screamed and jumped and ran away. Then I just freaked out and started sweating and going crazy, promise. I just didn't know what to do.
The annoying thing was that the stupid bug was on the back resting part of the futon, so its not like I could have vacuumed it or thrown a book at it. Sigh. Not that I would have done that if it was on the floor. Sigh. Anyway. I just freaked out and started staring at it. CA gave me ideas on what to do. But I just couldn't. I was on the verge of tears. So, I called the one person I know in this huge city, told her to bring her husband and take care of this issue. So, as I waited half an hour for them to come, I just kept staring at the bug--making sure it wouldn't go behind the futon or fly or something. Because I think it had wings. And it was black. And it was fast. And ugly.
Sigh. They came and my friend's husband put a cup over the bug and let it free outside. And then we went for smoothies. The end.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Pesticide,
Mrs. Cullen
It's been a while. The reason I haven't posted is because I felt like I had nothing interesting to say. But then something interesting happened to me recently! Yay me. So, I moved to a far far away state a little over a month ago. I was sad, and still am. But thats not the interesting thing. I live all alone and if I'm not at school, then I'm at my apartment because I don't have a social life--by choice---and because school doesn't really allow for one.
Anyway, thank God for video chatting that has taken over the world; Skype, Oovoo, Gmail Video, etc. I've been able to see my friends and family almost every single day. Its really nice. No. Its amazing. Thank God. Anyway. The other day I was video chatting with Constructive Attitude and cleaning my apartment at the same time. I sat down on my futon for a minute and quickly noticed A HUGE BUG RIGHT NEXT TO ME. LITERALLY. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. On my futon. Oh man. I screamed and jumped and ran away. Then I just freaked out and started sweating and going crazy, promise. I just didn't know what to do.
The annoying thing was that the stupid bug was on the back resting part of the futon, so its not like I could have vacuumed it or thrown a book at it. Sigh. Not that I would have done that if it was on the floor. Sigh. Anyway. I just freaked out and started staring at it. CA gave me ideas on what to do. But I just couldn't. I was on the verge of tears. So, I called the one person I know in this huge city, told her to bring her husband and take care of this issue. So, as I waited half an hour for them to come, I just kept staring at the bug--making sure it wouldn't go behind the futon or fly or something. Because I think it had wings. And it was black. And it was fast. And ugly.
Sigh. They came and my friend's husband put a cup over the bug and let it free outside. And then we went for smoothies. The end.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Pesticide,
Mrs. Cullen
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: Mrs. Dependent
Dear Friends,
Its been a while since my last post. But, I’m back. Its been quite a stressful month for me. But I guess its always stressful for me. I always stress myself out. Bad, bad habit. But yeah. I’m moving. To a far away land. Well not that far away. Just another state. That’s a few thousand miles away, I think. I’m really not looking forward to moving away. I’m scared. Especially living alone. Sigh. I still sleep with my lights on, check to see if theres someone in my closet at night, and run up the basement door so no one chases me—type of scared. Sigh.
I hadn’t been thinking about it too much. I guess it hadn’t “hit me.” Until recently. I don’t know when or why it started to hit me all of a sudden, but it did, randomly. I just became really, really sad. But then I was talking to my friend and she was asking me how I was going to handle living alone and then I became really, really scared. So now, I’m really, really sad and scared.
I told my mom I can’t do it. I just can’t. And shes gonna have to stay with me forever.
Anyway, I noticed something though. I always stress and I’m a big complainer about life (bad, bad habit). But if my reality was actually that sad, then I would be glad to move away. And I’m not glad. I’m sad to leave my life here. So, it makes no sense for me to sad all the time when I actually love what I have. YouknowwhatImsayin???
Anyway.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Its been a while since my last post. But, I’m back. Its been quite a stressful month for me. But I guess its always stressful for me. I always stress myself out. Bad, bad habit. But yeah. I’m moving. To a far away land. Well not that far away. Just another state. That’s a few thousand miles away, I think. I’m really not looking forward to moving away. I’m scared. Especially living alone. Sigh. I still sleep with my lights on, check to see if theres someone in my closet at night, and run up the basement door so no one chases me—type of scared. Sigh.
I hadn’t been thinking about it too much. I guess it hadn’t “hit me.” Until recently. I don’t know when or why it started to hit me all of a sudden, but it did, randomly. I just became really, really sad. But then I was talking to my friend and she was asking me how I was going to handle living alone and then I became really, really scared. So now, I’m really, really sad and scared.
I told my mom I can’t do it. I just can’t. And shes gonna have to stay with me forever.
Anyway, I noticed something though. I always stress and I’m a big complainer about life (bad, bad habit). But if my reality was actually that sad, then I would be glad to move away. And I’m not glad. I’m sad to leave my life here. So, it makes no sense for me to sad all the time when I actually love what I have. YouknowwhatImsayin???
Anyway.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Engineer
Dear Friends,
So. Summer has started for me and its so boring!!! I sit at home all day and waste time doing nothing. Sigh. I need to do so much and I just don’t..do..anything. I am SO LAZY! Someone help me. Anyway, yesterday I had quite an eventful day. In the morning my mother and grandparents left for New York. So, now its just my Dad, my brother and myself. My dad left for work and my brother left for school. So it was just me. I was gonna start my day watching stupid TV shows on my computer but my dad called me.
His car randomly started making a really loud sound. He had no idea how it happened. So, he called the dealership and complained because his car is fairly new. Anyway, I had to meet my dad up far far away so we could trade cars. Finally, I met him at a mosque that he sometimes prays his daytime prayers at. We traded cars and then I went to the dealership. They told me it would only be 1.5 hours. I sat there and sat there and watched my car…still there..no one had even looked at it yet! HOW ANNOYING. Finally, after 45 minutes they took the car. Then after another 45 minutes they called me back to the shop area because they wanted to show me something.
Anyway, it turns out that while my dad was at a patient’s house, someone tried to steal a part of his car. It’s at the bottom and its called cadillac converter. (I had no idea what that was until the guy told me about it.) They had completely sawed off the pipe it’s connected to. They literally sliced the pipe off. It was such a sharp, new cut. So yeah. The guy told me that the warranty won’t cover it but insurance ended up paying most of it and called it “vandalism.” Yay. Anyway. They didn’t have one of the parts and it wouldn’t come in till the next day so they told me I should rent a car or get picked up. I had no ride. No one could pick me up. Sigh. So, I had them drop me off to my grandparents’ house that’s just .5 miles away. There I waited for what felt like five million years (that’s another story for another day) until my dad picked me up and took me home. By then the day was gone, and I was sad and annoyed.
My dad tried to tell me not to be so upset because these things happen. And not to be annoyed because it was only a few hours. That’s so true. And he went on and on about how many times my mom has had to drive miles and miles away because of accidents that have happened. So yeah. I felt bad for being upset that my day was ruined. And I guess that’s stupid because I wouldn’t have done anything anyway.
That is all.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
So. Summer has started for me and its so boring!!! I sit at home all day and waste time doing nothing. Sigh. I need to do so much and I just don’t..do..anything. I am SO LAZY! Someone help me. Anyway, yesterday I had quite an eventful day. In the morning my mother and grandparents left for New York. So, now its just my Dad, my brother and myself. My dad left for work and my brother left for school. So it was just me. I was gonna start my day watching stupid TV shows on my computer but my dad called me.
His car randomly started making a really loud sound. He had no idea how it happened. So, he called the dealership and complained because his car is fairly new. Anyway, I had to meet my dad up far far away so we could trade cars. Finally, I met him at a mosque that he sometimes prays his daytime prayers at. We traded cars and then I went to the dealership. They told me it would only be 1.5 hours. I sat there and sat there and watched my car…still there..no one had even looked at it yet! HOW ANNOYING. Finally, after 45 minutes they took the car. Then after another 45 minutes they called me back to the shop area because they wanted to show me something.
Anyway, it turns out that while my dad was at a patient’s house, someone tried to steal a part of his car. It’s at the bottom and its called cadillac converter. (I had no idea what that was until the guy told me about it.) They had completely sawed off the pipe it’s connected to. They literally sliced the pipe off. It was such a sharp, new cut. So yeah. The guy told me that the warranty won’t cover it but insurance ended up paying most of it and called it “vandalism.” Yay. Anyway. They didn’t have one of the parts and it wouldn’t come in till the next day so they told me I should rent a car or get picked up. I had no ride. No one could pick me up. Sigh. So, I had them drop me off to my grandparents’ house that’s just .5 miles away. There I waited for what felt like five million years (that’s another story for another day) until my dad picked me up and took me home. By then the day was gone, and I was sad and annoyed.
My dad tried to tell me not to be so upset because these things happen. And not to be annoyed because it was only a few hours. That’s so true. And he went on and on about how many times my mom has had to drive miles and miles away because of accidents that have happened. So yeah. I felt bad for being upset that my day was ruined. And I guess that’s stupid because I wouldn’t have done anything anyway.
That is all.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: [Insert Text Here]
Dear Friends,
Life is so hard right now. I feel like I’m struggling with so many things and I feel like no one understands me. It’s a bad feeling. I think I have friends, but I just feel alone. Sigh. Anyway, there are a few things that make me happy and I’d like to share those with you..
-My grandma:) Shes such a cutie, promise. I love her so much. We have our differences sometimes and I annoy the heck out of her. I’m sure that I’m solely responsible for her gray hairs.
-My cat:) Though she doesn’t really like me and is in love with my parents, shes still MINE and I just get this fuzzy feeling every time we meet eyes. Sigh. And though most of the time she is using me for food, she is still my baby.
-Warmth:) Its been so cold lately. Every night, when I’m feeling low I just turn on my heated mattress and curl up in bed.
-Quran:) Listening to the Quran gives me the same feeling my cat gives me. The reciter (is that even a word?) I listen to has an AMAZING voice (thanks to God), and it just melts my heart.
-My Parents:) Even though we often get annoyed at each other, my mom has been gone for so long and is coming back tomorrow (God willing!). I’m just so excited and happy to see her. I know that happiness will last maybe only a few days and we will go back to being mother-daughter and have our disagreements, I am still just so happy! And my daddy; he always makes me happy!
-My Sister:) My sister is a cutie. She makes me happy cuz she listens to me. Even if I have the same problem over and over again. Or even I have nothing to say. And having someone who always listens, is hard to find. Shes probably the only one I can count on for that. And she makes me happy.
-Dancing:) Ok. I hate to dance. And I really don’t know how. But last year, when it was just a few girlfriends and I, we tried the whole dancing thing. I mean we went crazy—we went buck wild. Basically we looked like idiots and were being dumb. But it really felt nice. And it was fun and it truly makes me happy.
-Dressing up and attempting to look pretty:) It’s annoying, but it makes me happy and its fun. And its very nice getting a compliment or two.
-Surprises:) I don’t mean surprise parties or gifts, but anything that comes to you unexpected (and its positive). That just gives me the best feeling in the world. Whether it’s a phone call from someone or a chocolate bar or an email. It just makes me happy.
-Old pictures:) I love looking at old pictures. Most of the time its very emotional looking at loved ones that have passed or old friends you don’t know anymore, but the memories come back and you remember the good times, and that’s a great feeling.
Ok, that’s all. Have a great day:)
Yours for the sake of Peace and Happiness,
Mrs. Cullen
Life is so hard right now. I feel like I’m struggling with so many things and I feel like no one understands me. It’s a bad feeling. I think I have friends, but I just feel alone. Sigh. Anyway, there are a few things that make me happy and I’d like to share those with you..
-My grandma:) Shes such a cutie, promise. I love her so much. We have our differences sometimes and I annoy the heck out of her. I’m sure that I’m solely responsible for her gray hairs.
-My cat:) Though she doesn’t really like me and is in love with my parents, shes still MINE and I just get this fuzzy feeling every time we meet eyes. Sigh. And though most of the time she is using me for food, she is still my baby.
-Warmth:) Its been so cold lately. Every night, when I’m feeling low I just turn on my heated mattress and curl up in bed.
-Quran:) Listening to the Quran gives me the same feeling my cat gives me. The reciter (is that even a word?) I listen to has an AMAZING voice (thanks to God), and it just melts my heart.
-My Parents:) Even though we often get annoyed at each other, my mom has been gone for so long and is coming back tomorrow (God willing!). I’m just so excited and happy to see her. I know that happiness will last maybe only a few days and we will go back to being mother-daughter and have our disagreements, I am still just so happy! And my daddy; he always makes me happy!
-My Sister:) My sister is a cutie. She makes me happy cuz she listens to me. Even if I have the same problem over and over again. Or even I have nothing to say. And having someone who always listens, is hard to find. Shes probably the only one I can count on for that. And she makes me happy.
-Dancing:) Ok. I hate to dance. And I really don’t know how. But last year, when it was just a few girlfriends and I, we tried the whole dancing thing. I mean we went crazy—we went buck wild. Basically we looked like idiots and were being dumb. But it really felt nice. And it was fun and it truly makes me happy.
-Dressing up and attempting to look pretty:) It’s annoying, but it makes me happy and its fun. And its very nice getting a compliment or two.
-Surprises:) I don’t mean surprise parties or gifts, but anything that comes to you unexpected (and its positive). That just gives me the best feeling in the world. Whether it’s a phone call from someone or a chocolate bar or an email. It just makes me happy.
-Old pictures:) I love looking at old pictures. Most of the time its very emotional looking at loved ones that have passed or old friends you don’t know anymore, but the memories come back and you remember the good times, and that’s a great feeling.
Ok, that’s all. Have a great day:)
Yours for the sake of Peace and Happiness,
Mrs. Cullen
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Witness
Dear Friends,
Funny story. Last week my dad was out of the country. Two times that week we had Jehovah Witnesses come by. They always asked for my dad and I told them to come back next week. They spoke to me and were very kind. They even asked me my name. Then they told me it was beautiful.
I went to the library this morning because our printer wasn't working. When I came back home they were in the living room talking to my dad. They saw me, said hello and even used my name. They remembered! I thought this was funny. The fact they were inside talking to my dad and trying to convert him.
I never knew much about Jehovah Witnesses. I used to think they were Christians and could be Catholic, Baptist, etc and the only reason they were called Jehovah Witnesses was because they went house to house dressed in black and tried to convert people. Well I guess that's not true. They weren't wearing black. And, they are their own sect of Christianity. They believe their God's name is Jehovah. They don't celebrate Easter or Christmas. Oh. Well I guess I still don't know much about them.
Anyway. I went to my room while my dad spoke with them. One of the men is Indian and so is his wife. They used to be the "Sikh" religion and converted ten years ago. The others were white ladies. I think they purposely brought an Indian couple, thinking we can relate to them and that would help us BELIEVE!
Ok. So when they left, my dad told us what was said. He said that the Indian man was talking about their religion and wanted to read my dad something from the Bible. But he didn't have the Bible in his hand. One of the other ladies had it. So he asked her for it.
---Normally, when you ask someone for ANYTHING, you get up and get it from them. Or they get up and get it for you.----I mean, sometimes I throw my brother his car keys or the phone--but if its a book--never.---And if its my parents or someone older than me, or someone I respect (not that I don't respect my brother, cuties) then I would never throw anything at them. That's just something I've been taught since I was a child.---
So, he asks the lady for the Bible. The lady is sitting on the other side of the living room. She throws it at him. There are two ways to throw something. One is hold it and and gently throw it towards the side. The other way I would call a chuck. Its lifting it up in the air and throwing it--like a ball. That's what she did, but to a book. And not just any book; the Bible.
Anyway, my dad was so surprised that this happened and he told them this. He said, this is the word of God and you are throwing it? Anyway, basically the people were so embarrassed and they left. The End.
I kinda feel bad. Maybe it was a simple mistake. I dunno. I am sure not everyone is like this. I just can't imagine throwing the Qur'an like that. Or throwing it at all. I feel so terrible if I accidentally drop it. I place it on the highest level of my bookshelf so I am not accidentally pointing my feet towards it as I sleep. I dunno. I just thought it was an interesting story. The End.
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Funny story. Last week my dad was out of the country. Two times that week we had Jehovah Witnesses come by. They always asked for my dad and I told them to come back next week. They spoke to me and were very kind. They even asked me my name. Then they told me it was beautiful.
I went to the library this morning because our printer wasn't working. When I came back home they were in the living room talking to my dad. They saw me, said hello and even used my name. They remembered! I thought this was funny. The fact they were inside talking to my dad and trying to convert him.
I never knew much about Jehovah Witnesses. I used to think they were Christians and could be Catholic, Baptist, etc and the only reason they were called Jehovah Witnesses was because they went house to house dressed in black and tried to convert people. Well I guess that's not true. They weren't wearing black. And, they are their own sect of Christianity. They believe their God's name is Jehovah. They don't celebrate Easter or Christmas. Oh. Well I guess I still don't know much about them.
Anyway. I went to my room while my dad spoke with them. One of the men is Indian and so is his wife. They used to be the "Sikh" religion and converted ten years ago. The others were white ladies. I think they purposely brought an Indian couple, thinking we can relate to them and that would help us BELIEVE!
Ok. So when they left, my dad told us what was said. He said that the Indian man was talking about their religion and wanted to read my dad something from the Bible. But he didn't have the Bible in his hand. One of the other ladies had it. So he asked her for it.
---Normally, when you ask someone for ANYTHING, you get up and get it from them. Or they get up and get it for you.----I mean, sometimes I throw my brother his car keys or the phone--but if its a book--never.---And if its my parents or someone older than me, or someone I respect (not that I don't respect my brother, cuties) then I would never throw anything at them. That's just something I've been taught since I was a child.---
So, he asks the lady for the Bible. The lady is sitting on the other side of the living room. She throws it at him. There are two ways to throw something. One is hold it and and gently throw it towards the side. The other way I would call a chuck. Its lifting it up in the air and throwing it--like a ball. That's what she did, but to a book. And not just any book; the Bible.
Anyway, my dad was so surprised that this happened and he told them this. He said, this is the word of God and you are throwing it? Anyway, basically the people were so embarrassed and they left. The End.
I kinda feel bad. Maybe it was a simple mistake. I dunno. I am sure not everyone is like this. I just can't imagine throwing the Qur'an like that. Or throwing it at all. I feel so terrible if I accidentally drop it. I place it on the highest level of my bookshelf so I am not accidentally pointing my feet towards it as I sleep. I dunno. I just thought it was an interesting story. The End.
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Teacher
Dear Friends,
I feel like its been forever. I was gone for a week but I feel like I’ve been gone forever. For the third year, I participated in something called Alternative Spring Break with my college. It’s basically a program that is dedicated towards community service and learning about our city. It was about 50 of us this year. We all stayed in a church for the week, would attend lectures in the morning, would do community service during the day, and then go to a different cultural restaurant every night. It was so much fun. Sigh. Since this was my third year, I already knew some of the people, but of course majority were new. So, I met a lot of AMAZING people. Sigh.
During the community service part, everyone is split up in different groups. For the last two years my group was “Crime and Blight,” so we would have to do service related to this. This year I choose “Education.” Sigh. The other two groups are “Hunger and Homelessness” and “Arts and Culture.” And all but the latter are MAJOR ISSUES in my huge city, which btw is 143 square miles. So that means its bigger than San Francisco, DC, and Seattle combined. Anywayyyyy, I had an amazing week. And it sucks because it’s just so hard to explain to my friends and family what a week it was and the only people who understand is the ones you were there with. Thank God one of my good friends was with me because its something I can talk to her about often. And, on the last day there is a banquet and we were allowed to invite friends or family and I invited two of my friends, so now they know how my week was too.
Since my group was “Education” we volunteered at a school and a literacy center. The school was actually an after school program for kids from all over the city (since the whole Education system in our city is messed up….there is a 80% drop out rate and 50% literacy rate……SIGH…). My group and I did reading evaluations on the kids and we also helped them with their homework. One of the days the reading evaluation required us to ask 5 year olds a bunch of questions. One worksheet had a list of the alphabet. The students had to recognize each letter, the sound of each letter, and say a word that started with each letter. This was fun. One thing I will never forget is when the word was “W” and I asked the boy for a word that starts with “W” and he said “wunny nose” (instead of runny nose—SO CUTE!). Another question was about rhyming. This was sad. Sigh. 5 year olds should know how to rhyme…. and they should know nursery rhymes…but this was not the case. I couldn’t get one of my students to say a word that rhymed with cat….and I couldn’t even explain to her what a “rhyme” was…because she just didn’t understand…
The literacy center was amazing! It a tutoring center for adults and students. The adults are mostly trying to get their GEDs and need help studying, while they kids just get help with school. A lot of the adults are also ESL (English as a second language) students. Also, some of them are simply out of work and need help writing resumes and practicing interviews. This center is AMAZING because all of the tutoring is FREE! Isn’t that great!!?!?! I’m gonna start volunteering there full-time! One of the days I spent 4 hours helping 1 lady write a resume. She was 51 years old, out of work and didn’t know how to spell words as simple as: often and October..sigh! This whole experience was so heartbreaking….
Anyway, of course we also had a lot of fun during the week. All of the participants of ASB had a mock wedding, which is something my friends and I have wanted to do for a long time. IT WAS AWESOME! Everyone got so into it. I was the priest. Hehe. Anyway, this is getting pretty long so I should get going. I am sad to be back home...Actually, I'm pretty depressed.. I miss ASB, all the friends I made, and all the memories and the volunteering...the teaching..and just I dunno...Sigh…Sigh…
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Eju-ma-kation,
Mrs. Cullen
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Worried One
Dear Friends,
I’m so freaked out right now. Did you hear that there was ANOTHER earthquake? Yes, another one. SIGH. What the heck is going on???! I’m so freaked out and scared. For many reasons. One reason is that SO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING. Another is that I live in an area where earthquakes don’t happen (nor are they really possible) and I just feel terrible for all the other people who live in areas where earthquakes are prevalent. Sigh. The main reason I feel so scared/odd right now is because in Islam we believe that there are many things that are signs of the coming of the Day of Judgment/Resurrection. And yes, an increase in earthquakes happens to be one of those signs.
Sigh. I just feel so…I dunno. Its so odd. That I am a 20-some year old and a lot of the “signs” we believe in have already occurred or is occurring. It’s just scary. And it just makes everything so REAL. Does that make sense?
Blah. I really don’t know what else to say. I can’t explain how I feel right now. I mean..whether I am alive before the Day, or not..it just seems so…real. But I guess I should tell you guys some of the signs of the DOJ….Blah.
It is reported that the Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him) spoke of a variety of signs. These include..
-People will compete with one another in constructing high buildings
-Two big groups will fight one another and there will be many causalities –they will both be following the same religious teachings
-Earthquakes will increase
-Time will pass quickly
-Afflictions and killing will increase
-When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother and treats his friends kindly whilst shunning his father
-Knowledge will decrease and ignorance will prevail
-When people treat a man with respect because they fear some evil he may do
-Fornication and the drinking of wine will be common
-The number of men will decrease and the number of women will increase, until one man will look after fifty women.
I bet we can all think of examples of many of these things and alas, there are many, many more signs. Sigh. If you want you can read this.
Sigh. I just..I dunno..
But as scary/odd/interesting?/blah as this all is, I'm kinda glad that some of the signs have not yet occurred and praying that they don't occur doing my lifetime. For example, another sign is that the Qur'an will disappear in one night from the books and from everyone's hearts. That just worries and scares me. It saddens me to know that there will be a point in this world that this will occur...Sigh.
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
I’m so freaked out right now. Did you hear that there was ANOTHER earthquake? Yes, another one. SIGH. What the heck is going on???! I’m so freaked out and scared. For many reasons. One reason is that SO MANY PEOPLE ARE DYING. Another is that I live in an area where earthquakes don’t happen (nor are they really possible) and I just feel terrible for all the other people who live in areas where earthquakes are prevalent. Sigh. The main reason I feel so scared/odd right now is because in Islam we believe that there are many things that are signs of the coming of the Day of Judgment/Resurrection. And yes, an increase in earthquakes happens to be one of those signs.
Sigh. I just feel so…I dunno. Its so odd. That I am a 20-some year old and a lot of the “signs” we believe in have already occurred or is occurring. It’s just scary. And it just makes everything so REAL. Does that make sense?
Blah. I really don’t know what else to say. I can’t explain how I feel right now. I mean..whether I am alive before the Day, or not..it just seems so…real. But I guess I should tell you guys some of the signs of the DOJ….Blah.
It is reported that the Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him) spoke of a variety of signs. These include..
-People will compete with one another in constructing high buildings
-Two big groups will fight one another and there will be many causalities –they will both be following the same religious teachings
-Earthquakes will increase
-Time will pass quickly
-Afflictions and killing will increase
-When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother and treats his friends kindly whilst shunning his father
-Knowledge will decrease and ignorance will prevail
-When people treat a man with respect because they fear some evil he may do
-Fornication and the drinking of wine will be common
-The number of men will decrease and the number of women will increase, until one man will look after fifty women.
I bet we can all think of examples of many of these things and alas, there are many, many more signs. Sigh. If you want you can read this.
Sigh. I just..I dunno..
But as scary/odd/interesting?/blah as this all is, I'm kinda glad that some of the signs have not yet occurred and praying that they don't occur doing my lifetime. For example, another sign is that the Qur'an will disappear in one night from the books and from everyone's hearts. That just worries and scares me. It saddens me to know that there will be a point in this world that this will occur...Sigh.
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Monday, March 1, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Illusionist
Dear Friends,
Nobody likes being misunderstood. Nobody does. Well, I don’t know why anybody would like it. Unless you are like in the FBI or something. I guess. I dunno. But I’m pretty sure my friend’s dad is in the CIA or FBI. Seriously! But obviously I will never find out. Sometimes I wonder if my friend has been forced to be my friend just so my family can be spied on. Haha. I’m so lame. But what if it was real? Probably not. That would be cool though. I think. Anyway. Back to being misunderstood.
You know what annoys me? When people think I’m not Indian. I mean- I know. How are you supposed to know that I’m Indian? I dunno. But just don’t assume I’m something else. Actually never mind. I really wouldn’t care if people thought I was ANY RACE---IF I didn’t wear a scarf on my head. But since I do wear a scarf on my head, I feel like people just automatically assume that I’m Arab. And it annoys me. YouknowwhatImean???
I dunno. I mean its 2010. I feel like people should know that not all Christians are white. Not all Buddhist are Asian. And so, not all Muslims are Arab? Is that fair enough to say? Anyway. That’s one thing that bothers me, out of the many zillion pet peeves that I have. Anyway. I came across this illusion on someone’s twitter background. Isn’t it so cool?? It seems like its moving but its not. I guess that’s why it’s called an illusion, LOL. Anyway. This illusion symbolizes my life because I..um…am not getting anywhere in life…..but everyone thinks I am? Jaykay. I just wanted to sound philosophical. But that was a fail.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Musician
Dear Friends,
Hope the week is going by quickly for all of you. Or—not so quickly if there is something in the future that you are not looking forward to. Anyway, I wanted to share with you guys something I am trying.
Ok, like most college students—actually never mind. Like—well practically everyone in the world—I enjoy music. Personally, I enjoy depressing, love songs. (I’m so lame and pathetic sometimes.) Anyway, yeah, that’s me. I listen to music on my way to college, on my way home, while walking to class, while walking to my car after class, on my way to work, on my way home from work, on my way to hang out, on my way back from hanging out, in my room while studying, in my room while doing nothing, when I’m bored on youtube, and more.
In Islam, music is a kinda touchy topic. Most scholars say that music is not permissible. And there are many reasons that are given for this. But anyway. That’s not really my point. My point is that, for me, music kinda was/is a big part of my life. And then I realized that it was such a distraction. So many times I would have random songs (usually Lada Gaga) stuck in my head. It was so annoying. I guess I kinda fell in love with it. Seriously. I mean I listened to it 24/7, how lame is that. Anyway, some of you probably think 1. I listened to music too much or 2. Who cares its not a big deal. But, well it kinda is a big deal for me.
I just felt like it was becoming too much a part of my life. Ok maybe I am exaggerating a lot. I dunno. The point is. For a few weeks I gave it up. I thought it was going to be SO HARD. And impossible. I mean, I have over 900 songs on my iPod. How was I gonna do it?? Well, it wasn’t hard at all. And ever since I stopped, I honestly, truly feel that my mind is always clear. I might sound lame to you guys. But you should try it for just a day or two, or maybe a week. Promise, I feel like my mind is always so clear now. Also, not listening to music has cut down so much other useless stuff in my life. For example: I no longer surf Youtube for hours and hours. I no longer listen to stupid radio stations, and I’m listening to a lot of Quran. And I realized that if I can easily have all the songs that play on the radio memorized, then I should easily be able to memorize parts of the Quran (as Muslims, it’s a great deed to memorize the Quran, and many benefits believed to come for those who do so…just as it is believed in Christianty for those who memorize the Bible).
So yeah, a friend and I starting memorizing together, kinda, AHEM AHEM..Anyway. That’s all I really have to say. Sorry to bore you. You should try not listening to music for a day or two and tell me how it goes. Oh. Or in the spirit of Lent, are you giving up anything???
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Hope the week is going by quickly for all of you. Or—not so quickly if there is something in the future that you are not looking forward to. Anyway, I wanted to share with you guys something I am trying.
Ok, like most college students—actually never mind. Like—well practically everyone in the world—I enjoy music. Personally, I enjoy depressing, love songs. (I’m so lame and pathetic sometimes.) Anyway, yeah, that’s me. I listen to music on my way to college, on my way home, while walking to class, while walking to my car after class, on my way to work, on my way home from work, on my way to hang out, on my way back from hanging out, in my room while studying, in my room while doing nothing, when I’m bored on youtube, and more.
In Islam, music is a kinda touchy topic. Most scholars say that music is not permissible. And there are many reasons that are given for this. But anyway. That’s not really my point. My point is that, for me, music kinda was/is a big part of my life. And then I realized that it was such a distraction. So many times I would have random songs (usually Lada Gaga) stuck in my head. It was so annoying. I guess I kinda fell in love with it. Seriously. I mean I listened to it 24/7, how lame is that. Anyway, some of you probably think 1. I listened to music too much or 2. Who cares its not a big deal. But, well it kinda is a big deal for me.
I just felt like it was becoming too much a part of my life. Ok maybe I am exaggerating a lot. I dunno. The point is. For a few weeks I gave it up. I thought it was going to be SO HARD. And impossible. I mean, I have over 900 songs on my iPod. How was I gonna do it?? Well, it wasn’t hard at all. And ever since I stopped, I honestly, truly feel that my mind is always clear. I might sound lame to you guys. But you should try it for just a day or two, or maybe a week. Promise, I feel like my mind is always so clear now. Also, not listening to music has cut down so much other useless stuff in my life. For example: I no longer surf Youtube for hours and hours. I no longer listen to stupid radio stations, and I’m listening to a lot of Quran. And I realized that if I can easily have all the songs that play on the radio memorized, then I should easily be able to memorize parts of the Quran (as Muslims, it’s a great deed to memorize the Quran, and many benefits believed to come for those who do so…just as it is believed in Christianty for those who memorize the Bible).
So yeah, a friend and I starting memorizing together, kinda, AHEM AHEM..Anyway. That’s all I really have to say. Sorry to bore you. You should try not listening to music for a day or two and tell me how it goes. Oh. Or in the spirit of Lent, are you giving up anything???
Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: Is Frustrated!!
Dear Friends,
There is something that has been crazy bothering me lately and CC has been asking me to write a post about it. So, here I go. So there is this guy. That I don’t know. I mean. All I know of him is his name (lets call him S). And that he goes to school with my sister. They are in a professional program together in a city far, far away: New York City (sigh). Oh. And hes black. HOLLA.
There is a professor in the program who doesn't like a few students. They are four students. They are four of the only non-Caucasian students in the program. I think the program only has 13 students anyway. Two are black and two are Muslim girls (one is Indian and the other is Yugoslavian—FYI I had no idea how to spell that and it took me forever to Google it and find out). Anyway, the semester ended for all the students, and this professor was giving these four students a hard time. She went as far as to tell S that he failed her class. FYI failing means getting a “C.” It also means that he must retake this one class next year. But she decided to lie to him and tell him that it means that he must drop out of his third year classes, and wait until next Fall and become a second year all over again. Anyway, maybe you're wondering why can she make these rules? Well, she can’t. But she does. The director of the program listens to whatever she says. And so do all the other teachers. Why? Because she has tenure. She makes bazillion dollars for the school, for research. So, yeah. They basically kiss her butt.
Still, its not fair. What she’s doing to these students (especially S) isn’t fair. Right? Right. Its crazy. She went as far as to convince the director of the program to move S back a whole year. Sigh. And he listened. Blah. Maybe you guys don’t care. But I really care. This realllllly bothered me. That she was being mean and racist. Just because she didn’t like the student. What made me even more mad is that I felt that my sister and her classmates could REALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE SITUATION. And they were. They were trying to bring justice. But they truly felt like it didn’t matter what they had to say. I created ideas in my head, in which I would contact the school and pretend to be a lawyer. My dad said I could get in trouble for doing that. Sigh. Anyway, the teachers took it too far. They even had S escorted from campus. He was told not to come back on campus. WTH?? As if hes a freaking criminal. Anyway, I felt so bad for S. He lives on his own and honestly if something like that happened to me I would cry and cry and cry and possibly consider hurting myself (ok maybe I am a drama queen but..I do take school very seriously). Anyway, S is smart. The next day he went to the director of the entire school (not just the program). So, the lady he was meeting is basically the boss to those racist fools.
He asked her why this was happening. And you know what she told him? She told him that these select few teachers told her that S was a bad student and that he never went to classes (FYI you aren't allowed to miss ANY classes in professional schools, or you get kicked out). And all these other lies. She was furious. Sigh. Basically she fixed things. Thank God. Anyway, there is a lot more to it but I don’t want to bore you guys. Oh and an interesting fact I learned was that the last time this program had a black student was about five years ago. And he ended up leaving the school and suing because of racism issues. Basically the day I found out this was happening I could not sleep. I just wanted to pray to God for justice for S, and cry. Blah. I HATE HATE HATE when bad things happen to good people. Or to anyone. And you know what made me more mad?? That the professors and director of this program are REALLY REALLY educated people. They have Ph.Ds. They have gone to many colleges and written so many books and done such great things. So how can they be so ignorant and so mean? And if people like these are so ignorant then WHY SHOULDN’T NON-EDUCATED/POORLY EDUCATED/SEMI EDUCATED PEOPLE BE like this? Blah. I hate when bad things happen to people. The system is messed up. And I really have no hope for this world.
Yours for the Sake of….Hope, I guess,
Mrs. Cullen
PS: An interesting fact about S: He is a trainer at this high profile gym and he trained Taylor Lautner (the guy who plays Jacob in Twilight!!) for the movie..oh em gee.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Racquetball Playa
Dear Friends,
I started playing racquetball. My dad plays with his friends at our gym. Hes so good at it, thanks to God. So, I decided that I want to start. And boy, is it tough. Its probably one of the hardest sports I’ve ever played. And that’s because it can be dangerous and it’s a lot of work. I know all sports require running around but the reason RB is so tough is because you are in a small room and you have to make quick movements. I have dreams of becoming old and being a pro, teaching my children the sport, who then teach their children, who teach their children. I even have dreams that I teach my grandchildren and that I’m the coolest grandma ever. Oh. I also dream that I teach my husband. And beat him at the game all the time. And then we get a racquetball room in our home and yeah. I doubt any of that will happen. The first day I played I only lasted 25 minutes. My dad is very good. The second day I got “sick” after ten minutes. The third time my dad made me play alone. He thinks I need to practice my serve and I need to practice running around and not being lazy. This is true. Anyway. I think I’ll become good. God willing. I just need to play a lot. I really wanna do this. I feel like I have no special talent. Maybe this can be my “thing.” We shall see.
Anyway. When I played with my dad I was so into the game and having fun. But when I played alone I felt odd. I felt like everyone was watching me as they walked by. On top of that the basketball courts are right across the RB room. And you have to wear goggles when you play. So, I felt kind of silly. Which I should not feel! Because the whole back wall of the room is glass so everyone can see. I wish I didn’t care.
Nothing else interesting is happening in my life. Well I have been having some revelations about life. But that’s all. My diet is going…okay. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will not lose weight. I feel like its impossible for my tummy to become small and flat. But I’m sure it just takes time. It can’t just happen over night. Blah. If I could see improvement fast then I’d be soo motivated. But that’s not how our bodies work. Otherwise everyone would be at the gym.
Oh speaking of revelations. I have lately been pondering about the purpose of life. I think I know the purpose, according to Islam. So, I’m trying to shape my life to fit the purpose of life. Ya know? Anyway, what is your purpose of life???
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
I started playing racquetball. My dad plays with his friends at our gym. Hes so good at it, thanks to God. So, I decided that I want to start. And boy, is it tough. Its probably one of the hardest sports I’ve ever played. And that’s because it can be dangerous and it’s a lot of work. I know all sports require running around but the reason RB is so tough is because you are in a small room and you have to make quick movements. I have dreams of becoming old and being a pro, teaching my children the sport, who then teach their children, who teach their children. I even have dreams that I teach my grandchildren and that I’m the coolest grandma ever. Oh. I also dream that I teach my husband. And beat him at the game all the time. And then we get a racquetball room in our home and yeah. I doubt any of that will happen. The first day I played I only lasted 25 minutes. My dad is very good. The second day I got “sick” after ten minutes. The third time my dad made me play alone. He thinks I need to practice my serve and I need to practice running around and not being lazy. This is true. Anyway. I think I’ll become good. God willing. I just need to play a lot. I really wanna do this. I feel like I have no special talent. Maybe this can be my “thing.” We shall see.
Anyway. When I played with my dad I was so into the game and having fun. But when I played alone I felt odd. I felt like everyone was watching me as they walked by. On top of that the basketball courts are right across the RB room. And you have to wear goggles when you play. So, I felt kind of silly. Which I should not feel! Because the whole back wall of the room is glass so everyone can see. I wish I didn’t care.
Nothing else interesting is happening in my life. Well I have been having some revelations about life. But that’s all. My diet is going…okay. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I will not lose weight. I feel like its impossible for my tummy to become small and flat. But I’m sure it just takes time. It can’t just happen over night. Blah. If I could see improvement fast then I’d be soo motivated. But that’s not how our bodies work. Otherwise everyone would be at the gym.
Oh speaking of revelations. I have lately been pondering about the purpose of life. I think I know the purpose, according to Islam. So, I’m trying to shape my life to fit the purpose of life. Ya know? Anyway, what is your purpose of life???
Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen
Friday, January 15, 2010
Mrs. Cullen: The Death Eater
Dear Friends,
I'm so hungry. I've been craving yummie foods for the last few days. Sigh. My mom is making me diet. Shes making me eat salad every single day. I have to eat it for lunch. And I have to eat it for dinner. If I don't eat it for lunch then I can only eat a small portion of the food I am choosing to eat instead. It freaking sucks. For snacks I can only have fat-free yougurt. Sigh. Oh and fruit. FML. Ok this is kind of a good thing because, God willing, I will lose some weight. I am kinda fat. Not really. I just have a big belly. Sometimes if I stick it out as much as I can, I look like I'm pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I don't like babies. Omg. The other day on the radio, Lady Gaga was saying how she doesn't eat anything because shes a popstar. All she has is coffee. I dunno how you can just admit to that! Sigh. I wish it was possible for me to control eating. I love food too much.
Anyway. I've also started going to the gym. I had stopped for a while because school was in the way. But now I'm back. The gym is an interesting place to observe people. The whole time I'm there I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me because I don't have running shoes. Or because I wear a lot of layers of clothing. But thats only because it makes you sweat more, which is good. Blah. I love the gym because its .2 seconds away from my house and because they have TVs. I love watching Ellen in the morning or Wendy Willams. Wendy Williams is so ODD. I have no idea who she is and where she came from. I love watching her show cuz shes odd. Sometimes my 30-minute jog is done but I stay for another 30 just to finish watching a show. I'm so lame.
Anyway. So I'm starving and working out. Its just been a two weeks of working out and one week of dieting. It sucks. I always listen to the cosmetic surgons on the radio and wish I just get some surgery done. But I can't. Because its expensive. And people would talk about me. If I didn't know anybody in the world, and had a lot of money, then I'd do it. I mean why is it so terrible? Blah. I've also been dying to eat out. Somewhere that my mom doesn't see me. I know this dieting and exercise is for me, but still shes watching me like a hawk. Its not like she forces me to do it, but when she says things like "is there a freaking worm in you thats eating all your food because you never stop getting hungry," it makes me sad. There isn't a worm. Ew.
Anyway, I really hope I go out to eat somewhere this weekend. Yum. Sushi. Noodles. Salmon. Fried Chicken. Cold stone. Sigh. Ok I have to go to the gym because I slept all day and so I feel like a fat lard.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Motherhood,
Mrs. Cullen
I'm so hungry. I've been craving yummie foods for the last few days. Sigh. My mom is making me diet. Shes making me eat salad every single day. I have to eat it for lunch. And I have to eat it for dinner. If I don't eat it for lunch then I can only eat a small portion of the food I am choosing to eat instead. It freaking sucks. For snacks I can only have fat-free yougurt. Sigh. Oh and fruit. FML. Ok this is kind of a good thing because, God willing, I will lose some weight. I am kinda fat. Not really. I just have a big belly. Sometimes if I stick it out as much as I can, I look like I'm pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I don't like babies. Omg. The other day on the radio, Lady Gaga was saying how she doesn't eat anything because shes a popstar. All she has is coffee. I dunno how you can just admit to that! Sigh. I wish it was possible for me to control eating. I love food too much.
Anyway. I've also started going to the gym. I had stopped for a while because school was in the way. But now I'm back. The gym is an interesting place to observe people. The whole time I'm there I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me because I don't have running shoes. Or because I wear a lot of layers of clothing. But thats only because it makes you sweat more, which is good. Blah. I love the gym because its .2 seconds away from my house and because they have TVs. I love watching Ellen in the morning or Wendy Willams. Wendy Williams is so ODD. I have no idea who she is and where she came from. I love watching her show cuz shes odd. Sometimes my 30-minute jog is done but I stay for another 30 just to finish watching a show. I'm so lame.
Anyway. So I'm starving and working out. Its just been a two weeks of working out and one week of dieting. It sucks. I always listen to the cosmetic surgons on the radio and wish I just get some surgery done. But I can't. Because its expensive. And people would talk about me. If I didn't know anybody in the world, and had a lot of money, then I'd do it. I mean why is it so terrible? Blah. I've also been dying to eat out. Somewhere that my mom doesn't see me. I know this dieting and exercise is for me, but still shes watching me like a hawk. Its not like she forces me to do it, but when she says things like "is there a freaking worm in you thats eating all your food because you never stop getting hungry," it makes me sad. There isn't a worm. Ew.
Anyway, I really hope I go out to eat somewhere this weekend. Yum. Sushi. Noodles. Salmon. Fried Chicken. Cold stone. Sigh. Ok I have to go to the gym because I slept all day and so I feel like a fat lard.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Motherhood,
Mrs. Cullen
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