Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Mrs. Cullen: Mrs. Dependent

Dear Friends,

Its been a while since my last post. But, I’m back. Its been quite a stressful month for me. But I guess its always stressful for me. I always stress myself out. Bad, bad habit. But yeah. I’m moving. To a far away land. Well not that far away. Just another state. That’s a few thousand miles away, I think. I’m really not looking forward to moving away. I’m scared. Especially living alone. Sigh. I still sleep with my lights on, check to see if theres someone in my closet at night, and run up the basement door so no one chases me—type of scared. Sigh.

I hadn’t been thinking about it too much. I guess it hadn’t “hit me.” Until recently. I don’t know when or why it started to hit me all of a sudden, but it did, randomly. I just became really, really sad. But then I was talking to my friend and she was asking me how I was going to handle living alone and then I became really, really scared. So now, I’m really, really sad and scared.

I told my mom I can’t do it. I just can’t. And shes gonna have to stay with me forever.

Anyway, I noticed something though. I always stress and I’m a big complainer about life (bad, bad habit). But if my reality was actually that sad, then I would be glad to move away. And I’m not glad. I’m sad to leave my life here. So, it makes no sense for me to sad all the time when I actually love what I have. YouknowwhatImsayin???


Yours for the sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen


Constructive Attitude said...

it hasnt quite hit me yet either.


Anonymous said...

arent you supposed to have a mehram with you?

Mrs. Cullen said...

There are different opinions in different madhabs. But in general, you need a mehram with you when TRAVELING. But some madhabs believe that you can travel with other women and some scholars say that it is permissible to travel and MOVE to another area if it is for educational purposes, visiting family, or an optional Hajj, etc.

Anyway, I could be wrong with what I'm saying.

Chuckle said...

LOL at "run up the basement door so no one chases me". :D

even though we don't see each other every day, i'm going to miss you A LOT.

and la thahzan. i think you're stronger than you give your self credit. it's just change and something new. some people love it and normal people like you and me hate it. but nonetheless we live and get through it.

hopefully your mom can stay for a little bit until you get situated.


Girl On A Journey said...

I actually love living alone lol I have no idea why

Cheryl said...

I think you're going to be just fine! And I think you'll actually enjoy living alone ;)

The Demigoddess said...

I have lived alone for so long that I don't even know how it feels like to have housemates. A few months ago, I also moved away-far, far away from my old friends and family and I was sad in the beginning. I just couldn't cope but things turned out okay for me in the end. Just give it some time. I think you'll be fine, Mrs. Cullen.

Kate said...

I second hating living alone. I also hate moving. I am a fan of being alone in our house once and awhile, but it's always a great comfort when my husband comes home.

MarjnHomer said...

i get easily terrifid these days too and i dont know how to deal with it..do what my friend said, take it one day at a time..

Secretly Identified said...

Well inshallah it won't be as bad as you think..

PI said...

where are you moving?? and for school? im so out of the loop. but i'm happy you've decided on something big. you'll be fine iA.. you have to be more positive and take every experience as something awesome or important lesson to appreciate.

this might sound so random but have you seen the movie persepolis? i think you should watch it before u leave; it might put stuff into perspective even though it is kinda a random movie for me to think of right now

Rationality said...

Hi Mrs Cullen,
what you're passing through is really horrible.
I always stress myself when it comes to exams and study and it's a bad habit I just can't contol myself, Sp I know how it feels.

About feeling un safe even if you moved to another state remember that you're not alone and Allah the almighty will protect you wherever you are so plz collect yourself and trust Allah.
May Allah protect you wherever you are :)

Heckety said...

If you have to get through something you don't want to do, you will. And getting through something makes you stronger.
When I'm having trouble with things like you describe I tell myself two things:
1) 'This too will pass.' (its a quote from the Bible, but you probably have a similar quote in the Koran?
2) And I will never again have to do exactly this thing, so when I've done it, its done.

That's what helps me!

AL said...


you will be alright.
im also like u and can't live alone but you'll be so busy you won't even notice inshallah
and you will find good people there too inshallah

supreem said...

awwww we're going to miss you tons! I really regret not spending enough time with you while you've been here!