Saturday, July 10, 2010

Mind your own beeswax. haha. ohh elementary school.

 A few weekends ago we had people from out of town. There's this guy who is friends with my dad. And then there's his wife. His wife is "nice" and "sweet", but she has one major issue: she points out people's flaws and mistakes in front of others. In an unkind manner. And does so in a holier-than-thou attitude that can be highly offensive and a huge turn off.

They didn't stay at our house but we did meet at parties and other social gatherings, so I was wearing Indian clothes to said parties because that's what Indians do. Indian clothing generally is loose and long and flowy. Anyways, she asked me for places where she could get nice {western} tops for her daughter's graduation since she wouldn't have time to go shopping when they got home. I gave her the address to a mall nearby which had just about every juniors clothing store so they'd have a lot of places to choose from rather than having to mall hop.

The same night we met at yet another party {it was a busy busy weekend and Indians like any excuse to get together to eat} and I asked her if she found any clothes. And she said no, her daughter doesn't like to wear short and tight clothes like I do, so they didn't find anything.


I got offended.

They way she put it was that I wasn't a good Muslim or inferior to her and her daughter. She hasn't seen me in western clothing, because we only meet at parties where Indian clothes are worn so I don't know where she got off on the idea that I dress like that. She could have simply said she didn't see anything she liked.

Maybe I don't dress exactly the way Muslims are supposed to, but:
  1. She hasn't seen me in western clothing so how could she make such a statement.
  2. Maybe she thought I dress a certain way because of the stores I referred her to? That's stupid. Where in the US in a mall are you going to find a store with only Islam appropriate clothing??
  3. There's a way to tell people you're doing something wrong. 
Either way, she didn't need to say it like that.I think it was uncalled for and rude.
    Regarding number three; the prophet Muhammad {peace be upon him} never ever criticized people in front of anyone. If he had to correct someone he would do it in such a way that they wouldn't get offended. He did it indirectly so the person wouldn't feel singled out. The best example I can think of at the top of my head is when the prophets grand kids were washing for prayer and there was an old man doing the same. They noticed that he was doing it the wrong way but felt it wasn't right for them to tell him since they were so much younger and thought maybe he would feel disrespected. Instead, they went to him and basically asked him which of the brothers were correct in washing for prayer because each of them felt the other was doing something wrong. Each boy performed it perfectly and let the man decide. He man realized that he was doing it wrong and problem solved without making him feel inferior/bad about himself.

    I have my flaws, and she has hers. Nobody is perfect. I've seen her speak to many people like that and it turns people away even more. Good character is part of being a Muslim. What brought people to Islam is the good character Muslims are supposed to have. Muhammad was one of the most influential people of all time and it was because of his character. NOT because he prayed to God all day long in a corner, or called people out on their flaws.

    Nobody is perfect. Maybe she's stronger in areas I am lacking and vice versa.

    Outward appearance doesn't necessarily clue you in to what kind of person one is. I know many women who don't wear hijab and are so so so much better than people who do wear it. And I've met so many amazing people and know so many good people out there regardless of beliefs. You can't judge a person based on their outward appearance. Or even what you see or think you know about them.


    aimie bahirah said...

    good piece, my thoughts exactly. how can you look into a person’s soul and judge them based on what they are wearing? The Quran talks so much about humility, yet so many of us are quick to make judgments about a person’s faith as if we have some authority to do so.

    Kate said...

    Perfect...this is so true for so many kinds of dress. What happened to not judging a book by its cover!

    MarjnHomer said...

    i hate ppl like that who are so judgemental. I know of ppl who are really really religious that judge other ppl for there lack of..w/e

    Bubbli said...

    ya i agree, she really should'nt have said it like that, but to be honest sometimes i do that by accident, so idk, i mean sometimes i get a thought and just say it, and dont stop to think if it could hurt someone or if i could say it in a better way, am trying to improve but i'm just saying maybe she didnt mean to be rude bout it.

    Jaz said...

    agreeee I dont wear hijab either

    Constructive Attitude said...

    the human race is so interesting.

    i wish your cartoon was bigger.

    Muslim Girl said...

    Wow totally uncalled for. It's okay though, i'A you got rewarded for keeping your cool :)

    Miserable people like to pick out others' faults.

    C said...

    I agree with the poster above me. I've been around someone all my life who is always pointing out people's faults but not religious stuff but to prove how much smarter they are than others. Its tiresome. This woman you are talking about seems like she set you to fall. She could have been raised like that.

    Andhari said...

    What a douche.

    I'm sorry, I am muslim but I don't think whether you're a good muslim or not does not really have to be shown through your clothes. I mean ,what does she know? How close minded.

    Soda and Candy said...

    I need to check myself sometimes because I have a habit of pointing out flaws too.

    Not in people but in work - for example typos or factual errors. The intention is not to be unkind but in the assumption that if it was me I would want to know.

    I need to remember that sandwich!

    CATGIRL said...

    Hey deary. I am a female MBA from Karachi, Pakistan. I write on issues related to society, religion as well as some funny stuff. I need more enlightenment from people like you.
    Love ur blog outlook and ur cute thoughts.yes, u r sooooo right about Aunties pointing us out- i had been criticised on and off for actually UPGRADING my dressing and become modern !!!*eyes rolling*
    . Best of Luck for ur blogging. I hope we can be mutual followers- if u like my blog?? And don’t forget to comment please !!

    PI said...

    "Miserable people like to pick out others' faults."
    quoted for truth!!

    this is an epidemic in our culture.. i can't tell you how many people i know that are just like that. who do we think we are

    Falling Up said...

    thanks for the kind words everyoe :)
    also, the pic can be enlarged, CA, I made it smaller so it'd fit. Click on it!!

    MaryAnne said...

    Hmmm, sounds like you met my mother-in-law. lol

    I chalk it up to them being 1.low self esteem and they're miserable (misery loves company), or 2.they are just mentally/emotionally stunted and haven't surpassed the mentality of a pubescent adolescent.

    I just call people on those comments, like: "do you feel better when you put me down?".. they back pedal so quickly.

    Rationality said...

    Hi there Falling Up;
    It’s been a while since I replayed your nice blog and great topics. I missed your blog sweet girls :)

    Brilliant, what all you said previously is utterly so true.
    Unfortunately there are so many people who just enjoy criticizing others in public and that let me despise them. Who are they to judge others from their outfits?
    We all made mistakes but the key is learning from them. At the end we all are humans.
    I liked you when you said that lady is sweet coz what you said reflects your sweet soul although she criticized you in a bad way.
    Thanks a lot for your words sweetie I enjoyed reading your words :)