Laughing Out Loud

My friend had an exam around this time and I told her I hoped the exam is so easy that she laughs through it. I didn't want to stress her out so I didn't mention the time I actually did laugh through an exam. I thought I'd share my anecdote on here. :)

Back in med school, we had an anatomy midterm. I studied for it like crazy. Usually histology accounts for about 2 points out of 40 for the exams so I didn't focus on that. Instead, I studied the gross anatomy like the location and relation of the organ to the rest of the body, blood supply, nerve supply, venous drainage, function etc. Basically everything except histology.

Everything is essay format, by the way. You either know it or you don't. There's no multiple choice so there is no process of elimination. Drawing are important as well as charts and graphs. And neatness! I could never be neat on my exam, there's too much to write and too little time! I had this fear of not getting everything out of my head and onto paper fast enough. Two and a half hours was never enough. And it made me feel so when I wrote 15-20 pages. I am such a nerd.

Exam day comes and as soon as we look at the exam the class just bursts out in laughter. Because every single question on the test was histology. People just stood up and handed the professor a single sheet of paper with their names and ID numbers on it. Some wrote down the questions over and over in nice handwriting. I made up stuff and walked out early. Most of the class walked out soon after the test started. Some sat in their seats doing nothing until time was up.

I miss med school. 

Happy Friday!

When I'm studying, I'm in the zone and do not like being disturbed. Not even for a moment. That's how I've been since I started med school and that's how it's going to be until I take my next exam. Le sigh. Study-wise, I guess that's a good thing, because I tend to stay on track. But it's also a  horrible thing because so much stress comes along with it if I don't stick to my schedule.

Things on my to-do list when I finally have enough time to do it

1. Burn my books - I'm kidding. Knowledge is very valuable to me and feel like I'm dissing intelligence by doing so. I would never ever do that. But I am looking forward to putting them away, out of sight, as well as removing the desk from the bedroom.

2. Work out. I was running but stopped. I am totally going to join a gym and repair my body from months and months of sitting around for hours at a time.

3. Cook! I love cooking and want to try out fancy stuff that takes time and patience. I don't know if I'll be able to follow through with this one, but I'll definitely try.

4. Read. I have not read a novel for fun in about a year and a half. It's time. There are so many books I have in mind.

5. $hopping! This I'll do after the gym and after I lose 5 pounds. There are some things on my wish list, but I think I'll hold off until I drop a few pounds. This'll be motivation to get to work!

6. Garden. I was hoping to get some gardening in this summer, but that proved to be a fail. Hopefully this coming spring/summer of 2013

7. Pinterest. I take breaks and go on pinterest, saving recipes, DIY projects and other things. I want to actually do some of those and even post them up here!

8. Go places with my husband. When he's lucky and gets two days in a row off, we naturally want to go and take a day or two trip somewhere, but can't because I am not off. We have a list of a few places in the States we'd like to visit and hopefully we can do that one day. Lucky for me, he also has his boards coming up so I won't feel as bad because he has to study, too!

9. Give my closet a makeover. I am super excited to do this. We have a walk in closet, but it definitely can be changed to make the most of the space.

10. Redo the bathroom. Paint, retile, and change the mirror, lighting and countertop. I might as well change everything. :) It's not so bad, but I want to do something drastic to something. haha.

I think my brain is ready to get back to my books. Peace :)

Geico: So easy that a caveman can do it.

It's like 5 am.

Ok. No. I lied. It's really 7:28 am.

But who can tell the difference? I'm awake when I don't want to be, everyone else is sleeping and it's still dark outside. And it's a saturday. So it's pretty much the same.

I should be studying.

No. I lied again. I REALLY REALLY should be studying.

I didn't do anything all day yesterday (=got no school work done) because I couldn't stop feeling anxious and restless and all I wanted to do is eat, which I did; first breakfast, second breakfast, pizza, hash browns, dinner, second mini dinner including two toaster strudels, then two bowls of popcorn and chips (mixed together ) right before I gave up and went to sleep.

And I woke up today feeling so irritated and fat. First I got grumpy with my mom, and felt terrible about it, then I just grunted at my cat (a guess a little something like a caveman), then I got really irritated with myself and snapped at myself , then I thought about everything that I ate, looked in the mirror and decided that I was clearly getting fat, and snapped at myself again.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's amazing how negative energy promotes negative energy.

Maybe if I went out and cleaned ...oh I dunno.... like the local Freeway, I would have gone to bed and woken up with daisies falling all around me to pretty music and birds and squirrels singing and flying rainbows. I would have let out a giggle, and pranced like a ballerina to the bathroom.

Okay I lied again, as I'm sure you can clearly tell, there is no such thing as CC giggling......Or prancing for that matter.

Oh but I do like banging my head against the wall, both metaphorically and realistically.

It's such a great exercise and I don't know why people just don't do that instead of spending hundreds of dollars on yoga and meditation. They could be using that money on car insurance!

Or they could switch to Geico and save hundreds of dollars on car insurance and use that money to buy therapy classes for their local medical student.

Who like a fellow author once very clearly pointed out, is YOUR FUTURE DOCTOR.

And the end. That's the happy ending you get with this post............yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

CC, out

Feet.

I don't have a computer.
It died about 3 weeks ago and now I need a new one.
So I have been MIA and my google reader's piled up with probably thousands and thousands of blog posts I have to read.

Anyways, I'm posted in surgery right now.

I almost blacked out on my first day.

Why? Because in the wards most cases there are post-operative. So we have to do antiseptic dressings of the wounds. One the first day we did rounds and the doctors checked out all the wounds and etc and make sure the patient was okay. The very last patient was a diabetic patient. He had gangrene of more than half his foot and some toes were missing.

I could handle everything else, but whenever I see a diabetic foot I get light headed. So naturally I almost blacked out.

It's so embarrassing:
Nurse: HURRY UP AND GET A BED READY!!
Ward boy: There's a patient coming in???
Nurse: NO, IT'S FOR THE DOCTOR.

And with all the patients watching. ha. hahahaha. No.

And hour later in the outpatient clinic the doctor told me to clean another diabetic foot. I told him there was a 97% chance I was going faint so he best be there.

If you don't control your blood sugar levels you can get gangrene and your toes might fall off. Yesterday there was a man with an ulcer so deep I could see his bones. People in India present very late to the hospital, thinking things will get better. The sad thing is, they present so late that a lot of cases don't get better.

Anyways, the point is if you are diabetic, and if you are fond of your feet and of walking and going to the bathroom by yourself and other such luxuries, then control your blood sugar levels. Oh and the sooner you see a doctor, the better.

But yayy for me, I can do dressings without wanting to faint or throw up.

So I'm a minority.

I have delayed reactions.

You know that gift you gave me...I won't know how to show appreciation, excitement, shock or even happiness until much, much later.

Actually, my emotions will be in a turmoil and for some reason the only thing I will be feeling at the moment is 'Why?'

Why am I feeling a why?

I dunno.

It's like asking, "Why is the world round?"

Cuz it just is, stupid.

Anyways so I think I've been having a delayed reaction to this place known as medical school. Before the first exam, we were being told, you're gonna feel overwhelmed, you're gonna be lost and everyone and everything was giving us tips on how to study productively and how to manage your time and where to get help.

And whenever anyone would ask me..."So how's medical school?"

I genuinely thought that I didn't really feel the overwhelm drowning in an abyss like feeling. Yeah it kinda sucked, and I didn't get why they were throwing so much info at us...but no biggie. Undergrad was like that.

First exam comes, and the night before I realize whyyy people were Freaking out and being such paranoid neurotics (same thing?) about always knowing everything (besides that it's built into most medical students) throughout our first unit material.

And now, with more than a week left until my next exam, I feel this incredible, dooming feeling shadowing my every movement (It might have do with my grades from the first exams). And I've discovered that my spelling has degenerated (yes, degenerated, because Biology uses the word degenerated) drastically ( I would have said in an acute period of time...but that would have been a bit much, and just me pretending to be more washed out, than I am, by medical school)

And I get frustrated real fast. Like when I was thinking about another friend from a different medical school, not understanding WHY, I was so overwhelmed and feeling so helpless when I have ONLY two weekends left.

How does she NOT understand? Two weeks, Two and a half weeks, FREAKING three weeks is not enough to catch up and memorize.

And NOW is a good time for SOMEONE to tell me.. How the hell do I study? HOW do I manage my time? WHERE do I get help? I wish I didn't skip those seminars at the start of classes, answering these questions. Problem was, I didn't understand the point of them back then. They really should know better than to assume everyone is having the same reaction and feeling. LEARN to accommodate the minority! (Us-the delayed reaction..ators)


I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do this anymore. There's a chance I might be suffering from a minor form of depression....but I still say that if you can't make yourself happy, then no one can.

Storage Space

My sister is posted in ENT {otolaryngology}.

A three year old boy came in with his mother. He had a foul smell and blood coming out of his nose. On examination the doctor found a foreign body.

WHAT COULD IT BE?

A marble?
nope.

A crayon?
wrong.

An action figure?
I wish.

A sponge.  A sponge that expanded in his nose and got stuck there. My sister said she almost puked when she saw the doctor extract it from his nose. *sigh* Imagine this up your nose: 

I wonder why kids do it. Maybe nostrils make for a good storage place? Kind of like body packers, except they store stuff in their noses.  Where else would a kid hide his favorite crayon? I'm just saying. And just in case you're like me and HAD to know the top ten things kids stick up their noses, here's the list:

1. Crayons
2. Beads
3. French Fries
4. Fingers
5. Marbles
6. Spaghetti {how??}
7. Tissue
8. Cheerios
9. Small Toys
10. Beans and Peas

It's about time

I've been living in India since July 18, 2005.

It's been almost five years and I haven't really spoken about my experience to anyone in detail.
I end up hating it when I go back home and everyone's all, "How's India" on me. My time here is coming to an end rather quickly and I haven't really spoken much of it. I think the main reason is that I didn't really like living here. It was hard to adjust socially, and then the stress of medical school combined with the third world experience made me like it less and less.

I finally get to go home soon. Permanently. But a part of me isn't that excited. Despite the long list of complaints I have about this country, it has been my home for the past 5 years. You can't throw away five years like that. Well, the good at least. The friends that I have made, the weather, the hospitality.

Living in a different country is completely different from visiting one in a lot of ways. For one thing, when one is visiting a country you don't notice a lot of stuff. Like how it takes over a month to clear a foreign check. Or worrying about the maid stealing all your stuff. or going without water for three days because the tanker didn't come by. Or how everything a lot of things are shut down multiple times a month because of holidays. Or how if you need to get one thing done, you need to put aside ten days for it to happen.

Enough complaining. I'm going to start writing and share as much of my experience here with you guys as possible. A lot of them are LOL funny. This one is kind of boring but people always ask me why I decided to move so I'll start there.

Rewind to Winter 2003/2004.

I was finishing up high school and my dad brought up the idea of med school in India. "Hell to the no," I decided initially. But when it came to decide what college I wanted to go to after receiving my acceptance letters my dad brought it up again. He never ever forced me. He just mentioned it and the perks about it, like living in a new country and gaining experience with the outside world. How I can skip undergrad completely and finish four or more years earlier than everyone else my age. Or how I can get a chance to get to know my family back home. Etcetera. He asked me a few times that year and I always declined the offer, but something inside me always wanted him to ask me again. but I wouldn't ask him about it.

Skip to Winter 2005. Life was good. I had an amazingly fun time at college and met the people who are very very close to me to this day. {some of the authors on the blog..I still can't believe you guys feel like family after knowing each other for less than a year} I was doing dietetics/nutrition. And I was trying to figure out what to do with my nutrition major. I mean...it was interesting but I don't think I'd have fun working as a dietitian.

I asked my dad. He basically said no matter what I decide to do, I should be the best in my field. And that if I'm going to give whatever I'm doing my very best then I should try out for med school. If you haven't guessed, Indians have about three options in life: you become a doctor, an engineer, or nothing (which is everything else). I was not interested in doing med school in America. I have zero interest in all the prerequisites. And it's so hard to get in. And there's no guarantee you'll make it. Yeah I sound like a wuss right now, but I don't like putting in so much if there's a huge chance my hard work will go to waste.

So anyways, my dad mentioned it again a few days later. I told him I'd think about it. And something inside me was telling me to go. People usually get these feelings for relationships and other emotional crap. I had a feeling I'd regret not going and then it'd be too late.

So my sister finished up high school and got talked into coming, too. It would be my mom, my sister and my two year old sister. My mom decided to move with us because no one would marry us if they found out we lived alone. True story. haha.

This was probably the scariest thing I've ever done. To just pack up and leave my life behind me to start a new thing, in a new place with new people is something I would never dream of doing.

Be nice to me, I might be your doctor someday.

You know what's really annoying? Patients' families. Especially when the whole extended family is there. This I do not have a problem with. I have a problem with me talking to the patient and asking them questions and getting rude, sarcastic remarks from his or her family. It's so annoying. Please don't do this if you find yourself in a hospital, God forbid. Unless they're being a jerk to you.

I understand it gets very frustrating when you or your loved one has a certain condition that makes all the med students crowd around and stuff. That I can understand. What I can't understand is why people would get annoyed at the crowd of med students when they know that the hospital is a teaching hospital. Seriously, if you want privacy, pay for the private room. Or go to a different hospital.

I'm a med student. I need to see cases. That's the only way I will learn. Books aren't enough. If the students weren't allowed to look at patients then how are we going to get experience and take care of people in the future. We are your future doctors. Be nice.

I don't have much to say. This is an update for Controlled Chaos. I lover her to death so maybe I'll update more instead of use my breaks on fb.

ps- I'd appreciate all your prayers. One that I pass first attempt on my final final final exams as a med student. Two that my health improves. it's been deteriorating as soon as I stepped on Indian ground this past June and for some reason it's just getting worse and worse. Or so I feel. I'm a bit of a drama queen but I honestly have never been getting sick so often. Prayers are always appreciated. :)

Random pic

I felt like uploading. Don't have time to write. Do you guys like how I matched my OT {Operation Theater} scrubs with a blue scarf? They don't let me in on the surgeries with my normal scarf since it's exposed to the outside world. So I have a special one only for the operations. I did crop this. Maybe I'll get a take a full length another day.

Camera phones. And my scarf isn't centered. Meh.

I inhaled a chunk of nasty nasty

Something bad happened to me in the ward.

If you're poor, live in a third world country, are ill and are a child, chances are your personal hygiene is non existent. So I'm examining a Typhoid patient palpating for liver ans spleen enlargement. I get too close I guess and inhale a whiff of I don't know what. It's not crap and it's not urine... Filth. Yuck. Obviously I can't make a scene because it'll make the patient feel bad but I think I did but no one knew why I was choking and coughing. So I think I'm safe. And we gave him cookies after. :) No hard feelings, right?

But I am dead serious when I say that I could taste the filth in my throat until I finally got some water in there. Yucky. yucky. I need to clean out my throat.

And there was this baby who is 7 months old but severely malnourished. I am not exaggerating when I say that she looked like she was 3 months or less. That, too, a malnourished 3 month old. It's depressing. She had protein energy malnutrition as well as vitamin D deficiency. To top it off she has heart problems {ventricular septal defect and cyanotic heart disease}. My oh my. This is why I can't be a pediatrician. Reason number 1 I am not kid friendly. Number 2 is because it makes me sad to see kids suffering so much.

I'm not sure if me talking about med school and patients is annoying but I'll continue.

I'm really starting to like med school. Well I always did but now I'm like yay!! Patients!! lol. I am so weird, but it's fun. :)

Kids peeing and me touching it

EDIT: I'm enabling comments for the sole purpose that people might have questions and I don't like to leave people hanging. So I'm volunteering CC to reply to my comments, should I get any. I don't expect any though because of reasons stated earlier. Byeee :)

The blogs birthday was last week and we didn't acknowledge it. Happy Belated First Birthday Bloggieee. :)

I'm posted in pediatrics right now.

I don't like kids. They don't like me. And I don't know what to do with the ones that rarely do like me.

Imagine the pressure I'm under. haha.

Yesterday we were taking a case of a baby with Gastroenteritis. And basically the baby had diarrhea for 8 days before finally coming to the hospital. It's sad. People blow off illnesses because they can't afford to see a doctor and when they finally do, the disease is so advance that the treatment is more expensive. *sigh* but at least that's not the case in this baby's condition. I think it's ignorance. People think problems will go away. Or they're scared. Remember this always: the earlier the better. Way better.

I was going to palpate the femoral artery because we have to check the pulse everywhere and the baby peed. And I didn't know it. So when I had to lift up his shorts to palpate all I felt was wet. eeeeew. And THERE'S NO SINK IN THE WARD! Not that I could see, at least.

You might be wondering where the diaper was? Well the baby didn't have one. Again, they are too poor to afford them. Diapers are relatively new to India. They use cloth "nappies" or whatever British people say. Very thin nappies that don't make a difference.

You must be thinking about the cleanliness of the hospital by now. It's not clean. It's a teaching hospital which means it's very very cheap which means that maintenance is a minimum due to lack of funds. Well they do have funds but that's not what the money is being used for.

More baby stories to come.

PS - this baby didn't cry when it saw me. Indian babies are generally very very very super friendly and go to everyone. But a baby is a baby is a baby and I didn't warm up to it even though it smiled at me while I was examining it. Maybe a little.

ninee-nine.

We take attendance by roll call. So back in first year after dissection was over it was time for attendance. Usually with the accent and speed of calling out the names every number sounds almost the same. When the professor is in the thirties I think she's on 50-something.

One day all that changed.

We had a new professor and she was taking attendance. Something was different. A good different. Instead of "nine-fo...nine-ee fiwe" I could very cleary make out "ninety-four...ninety-five." Amazing. I was so happy I knew what number she was on.

Not everyone was happy, though. I could hear one girl behind me say to another, "Just listen to her pronouncing the roll call. Who does she think she is? Some educated woman!?" Apparently doctors aren't educated? Honestly. A woman pronounces something clearly and she gets bashed on. Jealousy? Maybe. Sometimes people here get bashed by idiotic people if they think you are trying to "act from abroad." Whatever that means.

haha.

Speaking of dissection. Did you know I didn't wear gloves? You get yelled at because you are supposed to feel exactly how the organ feels or something dumb like that. And then I cut myself with the scalpel and there was no first aid kit. So I had to create a makeshift bandage with a tissue and used the sticky side of an antibacterial label to hold it together. I kid you not. India is rapidly developing, but it's very primitive in a lot of aspects. I just wish they'd pay more attention to improving the conditions of universities here.

Dear World

Please shoot me.

Just kidding I don't want to die.

So as some of you may know I am back from my vacation home and now am in India. I guess I can't call it a vacation because we didn't get one. I just gave myself one. India is my inspiration for blogging and I've had just about one billion things to blog about. But I haven't because I've been having mini panic attacks and then one humungo panic attack. I'm so behind and everyone is smarter than me. :(

It's okay. I'm smart, too. I can and will catch up and beat everyone. and then I'll become a really good doctor and patients will be climbing over each other to see me. Well, angry pregnant women if I decide on obstetrics. It's not so bad, you know. I saw a C-section today. I almost cried. Because I was going to vomit. Oh and I almost fainted when I saw a delivery. I'm scared to have kids but I know that the pain is worth it. Just hook me up with the morphine. They also removed a huge fibroid out of a woman's uterus. I have pictures but I don't want to post it up because I don't want to make anyone vomit. If any of you are curious it looked like a huge rubber band ball the size of a baby's head or bigger covered in blood.

Anyways, back to where I was. Oh yeah, my panic attacks. So I told CC to kick me off the blog for a year so I don't get distracted but she refuses. I'm so touched she loves me. Not even my begging could get me off this blog. I'm bound to it until death do us part apparently.

PS - I called CC a cutie pie the other day and she didn't like it. I think we should all start calling her pet names. But she got really awkward and I don't think she could look me in the eye after that. Oh and we were out getting yummy bubble tea two days before I left and I said "well, if it tickles your fancy..." And she got really really uncomfortable. Is there anything wrong with that phrase? I thought it was humorous.

So I'm not supposed to be online and should have my nose in my book reading about arrhythmias which is so much fun, I promise. But a girl needs a break, too. So I made a deal with myself. I can blog but have to have comments turned off because it won't be fair because I can't comment on other people's blogs. I do visit religiously, thanks to feedburner, but commenting takes up a lot of time. So gone are my comments, but I'll be around. ;)

Please take my request of calling CC loving pet names seriously. I know deep down inside it tickles her fancy. haha!!!

Trust me, I'm a {shoe-less} doctor

So this morning I was walking along a very muddy path when my sandals decided to break. They were the thong type since I refuse to wear closed-toe here, except while running on the treadmill. And they're cheap because I don't believe in standing for 3 hours straight in stilettos or anything cute, because pretty shoes are not worth wearing to school.

*gasp*

I know.

Good thing my driver was right there with the car.

Good thing my sister thought her shoes were going to break any second and brought an extra pair.

Good thing my sister and I are the same shoe size.

ps - I like my driver now. He's grown on me. But he weighs less than me so I'm kind of jealous.

pps - Are you loving my random photos? My sister and I rediscovered Jenga. It's so much fun. :) I challenge all of you to a game. You will lose, hands down. :D

pps - I'm not even done typing and I'm PSing.

Always carry and extra pair in your car. You never know when you'll need it. And people always break their shoes here. I'm not the first. I can name about 5 people who have broken their shoes this year, some more than once. Quality, people. Invest in good quality shoes. Mine were two dollars. But lasted two years. And everyone thinks I get my shoes from very expensive places. I don't. I guess my feet are doing a good job of making me look classy.

-------

So we started our rotations again after a break. I know someone's going to ask me what they are. They're basically spending time in the hospital learning how to examine the patient and take a proper history of the patient. We then present the cases to the doctor and he critiques us and tells us what we did wrong and what to look for in that particular disease, etc. It's actually very helpful. Few people participate because most of the doctors are scary. They think scaring and being mean and telling you that you'll amount to nothing if you don't study is the best way to teach. NO IT IS NOT. It just makes me avoid presenting cases so that I won't have to face Dr. Meanie.

Anyways, in one year from now I will be a doctor. God willing. If I pass. God Willing. I always wonder if I'll be a good doctor or not. Not in India. My Hindi has improved but it's definitely not as good as my English and interacting with an English speaking patient would be much more easier. Plus the slang here is so different. You'd have to grow up in this city to know what the patient means when he uses certain phrases or words.

But aside from the language barrier. I wonder if I'll be great. I wonder how I'll tell patients bad news or deal with their deaths, etc. It's really scary being "in charge" of someone's life. I know ultimately it's God's decision on whether the patient lives or dies and disease is just an excuse to go. But thinking about it scares me.

Med School Diaries: The Lockout

It was 9:45 AM and I just finished climbing the stairs to the room opposite the exam hall. Something tells me I should check to see if the Head of Department of ENT is there, so I take a quick peep into the exam hall. He's sitting there with a bored expression on his face. I know him well enough to not keep him waiting, even though everyone else is. So my sister and I go and sit in the hall and wait for the exam to commence.

As soon as I sit down I hear him tell the attender to shut the doors. He starts reading the exam questions out loud and tells us to write them down. I was confused because there were only about 30-40 of us in the room. I turn around behind me after the dictation and see about 70 students waiting outside trying to get past the glass doors. It was such a sorry sight. I know who missed the exam. These are people who work their butts off and probably didn't sleep at all the night before while I passed out at two.

I really felt bad. I thought he'd let them in after half an hour or an hour. But no. I walked out of the exam two hours later and it was sooo depressing. I'd hate to be in that position. I lucked out big time. I think only a third of my class was able to take the exam.

It was sad but really funny at the same time. Just humorous in that SO MANY students got locked out and I kept looking back and they were standing there for sooo long outside waiting, hoping for a sign. They got one. The Head got up, walked out to them, yelled a bit and told them to go home.

But I didn't get away without some scratches. He's deducting five marks from all but four students who took the exam for not coming "on time". He started the exam early!! How can he do that? This is India. And these are the crazies in it.

Med School Diaries: Exam Time

I'm done with my last exam..for another three weeks, that is.
And my head hurts. Not from all that studying and writing and lack of sleep.
But because of sitting in an exam hall trying to make up enough BS to get me through three hours. As my friend put is, "You write your own movie."

Studying in India is NOT an easy job. Med school regardless of where you life isn't an easy job. I think it's worse in India. The exam format isn't multiple choice where you can logically guess the answer or choose by the process of elimination. It's an all.essay.format. For most of the subjects, you either know it or you don't. And for the ones you can slightly BS, you can't BS a whole paper. You have to know the general idea. Feel sorry for me yet? I hope you do, because I like sympathy and hugs. :)

Oh, and I'm a big cry baby. I cry before every final exam. I cried the whole 40 minute drive to school on the phone with my dad for every exam in second year. And I will cry again this year. I have a huge fear of failure.

The exams are timed, of course. And if you keep writing after time they come around and snatch the papers out of your hand. How sad is that? I almost cry when they do that. I don't like mean people.

During the final exams you have to present what they call a "hall ticket". Basically it's a piece of paper with your info {along with identification marks! I have a mole on my left cheek and a bigger mole on my left leg..I think I'm pretty identifiable} and picture on it, telling you which exams you signed up for and are allowed to write.

After our finals exams we have a practical exam which is the Lab Exam or whatever. In first and second year you had to do labs. Third and Fourth year we have to examine patients!! And we have an oral exam which I am horrible at doing because I am a bad public speaker and yes, one person does count as public.

I don't know the point to this or why I chose to write about something so boring. But I guess because I just finished and wanted to update.

I'm pretty sure I failed. But right now I don't care {maybe part of the reason is because I highly doubt they are counting this exam}. I'm tired, I'm homesick, but most of all, I'm happy I'm done. And that's all that matters. Happiness.

Med school diaries: Labcoat Dilemma

I lost my old one in the radiology department. It fit me perfectly. The company's name was Barco. I can't believe I remember it. Actually I can since it was such a good coat, I can see myself at one point in our relationship thinking, "You are such a good labcoat I wonder who made you?" I think I sound really obsessive right now. But I can't help it. It was so nice and white and pretty. I got so many compliments on it. Yes, it was that good. I got a stain on it and spent TWO HOURS bleaching it and cleaning it. THAT is how much I loved my labcoat. My beautiful white lab coat, or "apron" as they call it here, stood out amongst the rest. A diamond in the rough. And now it's gone! I wonder who stole it. We asked the Radiology department and they didn't see it. I feel so bad for my coat...all alone and lost in the world. I really wanted to cry when I lost it. WHO WOULD STEAL A RANDOM LABCOAT? Seriously. Who would spot a labcoat lying on the back of a plastic chair in the corner of a room, pick it up, inspect it and decide to take it??

*sighs* So I ordered a new one and this is a size bigger because the dumb site didn't have any in my size. It came with my dad and I tried it on as soon as I saw it. I look ridiculous. I won't be wearing this. It looked fine on the model but not on me because of the ill fit. The material isn't as nice as my old one. *SIIIGHS* Now I need to get a tailor and get it altered.

I'm out. I should be studying instead of writing about a labcoat.

{edit} Y'know...since Symphonic Discord started up I've wanted to keep another blog aside. I've made two so far and keep deleting them because I feel like posting on here. So I'm sharing my med school experiences here because I feel like I'm cheating on this blog by having another one on the side. lol. O.o {/edit}