Um, can you NOT touch me?

A couple of months ago, I was at my cousins house for a dinner party.

While at her house, I was looking at a calendar and was reading about the Malaysian culture and how it is custom for guests to take their shoes off when entering someone's home. It is highly offensive if you don't. It's taken so seriously that if you fail to abide, you might get shot.

Not really.

That was a joke.

In the religion of Islam, a custom or rule, rather, that we have is that women should not touch a male and a male should not touch a female. Unless it is their mahram- a close relative, i.e. father, brother, husband. And the bottom line and reasoning behind this can be summed up to: One touch can lead to a whole lot of other things. If you catch my drift.

So that's why it should be avoided at all costs.

When I'm at interviews, I'm always thinking, I really hope a guy is not gonna be interviewing me. I dont want him to extend his hand for a handshake.


Truth be told, and I'm going to be completely honest with you all, it's frustrating to explain to people why Muslims cannot shake the opposite genders hand and why they cant give us a pat on the shoulder or give us hugs or why they shouldn't be grabbing us from the waist and trying to carry us to a karaoke bar in the middle of the night. (That in itself is another story, for another day)

But it happens. Men try to shake my hand and I'm thinking in my head: WTF do i do know.

I can hardly say, "Can you not touch me."

Although it might work for some situations, it's not your safest bet.

Do I shake it?
-Yeah just do it this one time. Because you'll never see this guy ever again.
Phew. Now that that is done we can move on.
-Yeah. Ummmm think again. ::As the guy comes to shake your hand as you depart and even pats your shoulder::

or another scenario:

Do I shake it?
-No. Just explain to him that in Islam, we are prohibited from physically touching another man that is not our Mahram
Phew. Now that that is done we can move on.
-..........uhhhh....Wait. I feel like he's looking at me funny. Maybe I've offended him. Oh God, he's totally judging all Muslims out there. He thinks I'm a freak. He thinks all Muslim girls are freaks. He's probably thinking What's the big deal if you shake a guy's hand. Now he's definitely going to think Muslim women are oppressed. That just confirmed it.

-----------------------------------------------------

Or something of that nature. I might be over thinking a tad bit.

But let's get some things straight: Muslim women are not oppressed.

You already knew that?

Good. I'm glad we're on the same page.

So do you see why it can be kind of difficult to maneuver around this situation? It can be rough.

Lately, I have brushed my morals aside (which is not a good thing) and continue to shake the opposite gender's hand. When you think it will be a one time thing, think again. I shook one guy's hand when I met him. And now he thinks it's okay to give me hugs.

I mean he doesn't really hug me, but he'll put his hand on my shoulder or around my shoulder and he thinks its okay.

Ever since I started teaching, that's all I've been doing. When I met the CEO, I shook his hand. When I meet a parent, I shake their hand. When I meet a new co-worker, I shake their hand.

It seems like it's never going to end.

Howie Mandel, the host of Deal or No Deal, doesn't shake people's hands because he suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). And he makes people aware of this. The "dont shake my hand" thing. Not the OCD thing.






When in China, foreigners know that it's a custom to bow their heads when they initially meet someone.




Why can't people learn the customs of Muslims, I always wondered.

However, it's not that people aren't learning. It's that hardly anyone is teaching them.

(Obviously I speak about myself, before I speak about anyone else)

So as an attempt to change that, especially on my own part, I thought I would share it with you all.

Thus being said, if you are a female and meet a Muslim guy and know that he's Muslim, dont extend your hand, dont hug them, dont lean against them, dont pat them on the back, and dont kick them (unless they deserve it). And if you are a guy and you happen to meet a Muslim female, same thing goes for you: don't extend your hand.

It will save you a lot of awkward moments. Trust me.

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

I should really listen to my own advice, huh?

Either that or I should buy a pin that says this and wear it at all times:

Happy Eid

Today was Black Friday.
And today was Eid. Eid -ul-Adha.
There's no relation. I just though it important to mention both. Shopping is my thang.

We have two Eids: One after fasting {Eid-ul-Fitr} and another after a pilgrimage which is Eid-ul-Adha.

The pilgrimage is a journey to Makkah that every Muslim has to make, if he is financially and physically able to do so. We call this Pilgrimage "Hajj". Below is a picture of the Ka'ba. It was built by Prophet Abraham {Peace & blessing be upon him}. All those dot's around it? People!!!


There are a series of things one should do in Hajj. One is we go around the Ka'ba seven times. Another is we run between two mountains. It represents when Hagar ran between the two mountains looking for water for her son, Ishmael. {There are some more but then it'd get into a really lengthy post because I'd want to do it in detail. If you want more info let me know in the comments!}

Oh there's this place called Mount Arafat. We go and pray for forgiveness on that mountain. The day the pilgrims go there is a special day for everyone. If you fast on that day God forgives our sins from the previous year and the upcoming year. Two years worth of sins? It's a good deal. Especially for me. Kinda like Yom Kippur. This is the last day of the Hajj. And then we celebrate!!

Fun fact: Hajj is the largest annual pilgrimage in the world. About 5-6 million people come from around the world to worship God. I think dua to the swine flu situation there was an upper and lower age limit and some countries couldn't come.

It's pretty cool. Not the swine flu situation. Hajj.

I've never been, but I hope to one day. What's cool is that you can't tell who is rich and who is poor. You could have the richest man at one side and the poorest man on your other side and you wouldn't even know it. Everyone is dressed the same. Men are to wear two pieces of cloth that can't be tied/knotted and it can't be stitched. It's a simple garment. And they have to shave/trim their heads. I do not know how it stays on. I'm sure you can find a YouTube demo somewhere. There's no restriction on women, though. We can wear what we want yeeeah. But I think it should also be simple attire. The guy below didn't shave his head yet.




Anyways, Eid is celebrated after Hajj. During this Eid we sacrifice an animal. I think most people do a goat in my part sof the world. We keep 1/3 of it, give a third to other family members and another third to the poor. I know some people out there berate Muslims for this day, saying we love killing animals blah blah and that blood runs through the streets in some Muslim countries on this day. Honestly, what do you think slaughterhouses are?? They're cruel. They shock animals to death. Sometimes the animals don't even die and they're skinned alive. We have a certain way it should be done. And there's no or minimal pain. I don't know why people who choose to speak so hatefully against anything choose to remain so ignorant. At least get the facts straight. Then fight.

1) DO NOT KILL THE ANIMAL IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS. The other's freak out.
2) we give it 3 sips of water.
3) We say a prayer
4) Cut the Jugular vein so it doesn't feel any pain and loses conciousness immediately.

That's all I can remember. I think it shouldn't be a baby?? I've never done this and don't like watching it. Goats are my favorite animals, you know. I used to run after them in India when we visited as a little girl screaming "Bakkiiii!!" Bakri means goat but I couldn't say it properly.



Oh and I'd like to give a shout out to Best Buy for mentioning Eid. Although I have a feeling it was to get us out into their stores today lol. Oh and since Muslims go according to the Lunar calendar Eid won't be on Black friday next year. it's about ten days shorter than the Gregorian calendar.

Happy Eid & I hope you guys hauled in some nice stuff in the stores today. :)
Okay folks, I'm out of time. I hope that was a little educational and not so boring. If you do have questions, comments, feel free to leave them. :)

WOWOWOWOWOWOW

HiHi!! Todays my birthday :) yaaay!! Happy Birthday to me!!! :D I have to say that I have the most amazing sister and friends who took me out and made me feel super special :).
Not only is today special for me because it was the day I was born, but it's also the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. It was created by the United Nations in 1981, designed to educate the masses of the abuse women face from domestic, to rape. Just letting y'all know :).

My gorgeous friend wanted to inspire me today, she wanted me to think about today as the first day of a career in living happily ever after. So she sent me this poem called Ithaka (a Greek island), and I wanted to share :).

As you set out for Ithaka
hope the voyage is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.

Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon-don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,

as long as a rare excitement
stirs your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon-you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope the voyage is a long one.
May there be many a summer morning when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;

 

may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind-
as many sensual perfumes as you can;

 

and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.

Arriving there is what you are destined for.

But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you are old by the time you reach the island,

wealthy with all you have gained on the way,

not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.

Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,

you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

The poem was written by Constantine P. Cavafy and all pictures were taken from deviantart.com. It brightened my day I hope it does yours as well :)
<3

COEXIST

Sunday, November 8th was "The First Annual Queens Interfaith Unity Walk" in Queens, NY (particularly in Flushing) and I was lucky enough to know about it and participate in such a great event, Alhamdulillah -All Praise is to God-. It was SUCH a beautiful day. 63 degrees in November. I felt like we were down south. I think it was a sign from God. ;)

So Queens, NY is the MOST diverse county in the United States, which was all the more reason to have this walk here. It was a way to bring everyone together to promote peace and understanding.

Allah has told us in the Qur'an: "O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)." Chapter 49, Verse 13.

This verse truly reflects what you see when you're in Queens. I remember growing up here and being friends with people from all over the world. Good experience. *thumbs up*


We started off the walk at the "Hindu Temple Center", with a welcome and introductions about the walk.


The dancers did a bharatanatyam dance, which is a form of classical indian dance. The girls were so cute!



Then we walked around the outside and were shown the actual prayer area of the temple. We had to see it from the outside because you aren't allowed to wear shoes in the prayer area and taking off all 100 shoes would probably hold us up from the rest of the walk.


After the hindu temple, we started walking over to the "Gurudwara" (The Sikh Temple). We didn't step in, just heard the Sikh brothers give a little speech.


Then the walk continued to the "Muslim Center of New York."

A hafiz (someone who has memorized the entire Quran) read a verse from the Qur'an, the one about Maryam and Jesus, to show that the belief in Jesus is a uniting factor. This boy was about 9 years old. He was so cute masha'Allah.

Look at his feet, so nervous, lol.

We then proceeded to the prayer area and everyone took off their shoes. We were at the mosque just in time for Asr prayer (Mid afternoon prayer) so us Muslims just walked over to the side and performed our prayers. People asked questions like, "Do women have to pray? Can they pray at the mosque? Who choses the leader? How many times do you pray? How do you chose the verse to use for prayer? Is an imam higher than everyone else?"

I thought the imam (leader of the masjid) did a great job in presenting Islam and answering questions from the community. I was very proud! :)

After the mosque, we stopped by at the park to hear a few words from the Quakers and Buddhists. The Quakers offer prayer silently so we all bowed our heads and prayed for peace and love.


We then resumed the walk to the "Free Synagogue".



The rabbi sang and he had a GREAT voice, mashallah. After singing the prayer, he said:

"There's an old tradition in Judaism that "Our prayers are private and personal between us and God" and so if we say them out loud, everybody hears what we're praying but if we only say them to ourselves, we don't seem like a community. So we have this idea that if we sing out loud "Lai lai lai" and think our prayers at the same time, we can have our private prayer and our community prayer going on at the same time and it will stay private...so let's follow along with this "la la song". Think your prayers for harmony and peace and love and good and sisterhood as you do it you'll pick up this melody almost instantly I know and if you're not singing, God will know..." and with that, he made us follow along with a "lai lai song" and it was so cool! It reminded me of the days I was in chorus (which was way back in the 5th grade). Although I'm not great, I still loveeeeee to sing! :)

Last but not least, the walk ended at the 175 year old "Saint Michaels Church" where food and drinks were awaiting.

Overall I lovedddddd the walk. I found out more information about Reformed Judaism from this Jewish sister I spoke to throughout the walk and it was great to see such a big turnout, it gave me hope. There was probably about 100 people that attended, all ages, religions and races. I think this was a great stepping stone towards peace and understanding and am so glad I was given a chance to be part of it, Alhamdulillah. :)

My List

I was inspired by reinventingsandyb's blog to go back and look my list of things I want to do before I hit 30 years old.

I wrote it about 4 years ago and thought I'd post it...

1. Master the classical Arabic language (working progress)
2. Memorize the entire Qur'an with meaning and understanding (working progress)
3. Travel every continent of the world (working progress)
4. Swim and snorkel in the Red Sea
5. Cross a glacier
6. Paint my room
7. Sleep in the Prophet's Masjid in Medina
8. Write a book and get it published
9. Go for Hajj
10. Buy a savvy camera and become a photographer on the side
11. Ride a camel
12. Climb Mount Sinai
13. Be an inspirational Arabic teacher, inspiring others using the beautifully rich language of the Qur'an
14. Lose 30 pounds and be in really good shape
15. Sleep under a starry night in a desert, a beach, a mountain, a field
16. Volunteer in the Peace Corp
17. Read at least 3 complete volumes of classical tafseer (explanation of the Quran) books in Arabic
18. Go racing on a horse across the Sahara
19. Make someone smile everyday
20. Write a gratitude journal every night
21. Teach English in a the Middle East
22. Go skydiving
23. Live in a studio apartment with spiral stairs either in a big city or by the beach
24. Learn to snowboard
25. Go sand boarding
26. Write all my secrets and send it as a message in a bottle across the sea
27. Take a hot air balloon ride
28. Live by a motto and revise it time to time
39. Live without internet for a week
30. Learn to cook like my mom


8 down, 22 more to go :)

quicky

Wassssup party people???! I had the randomest urge to share that. OK soooo my birthday's next week..yaaay. I already feel 20 so i'm not expecting a huge shift or an epiphany *shrug*. Something I AM excited about though, is this recipe I found buried in my phone that I had made a year ago on my brother's birthday. Think coconuts and limes mmmm, my too favoritest flavors ..together! lime coconut cupcakes, a tingly, tangy, sensation! I must share!

4 oz butter
4 oz sugar
2 eggs
2 oz coconut
3 limes zested and juiced
6 oz flour
1t baking powder

**warning** this does have a very lime-y flavor so if your not a big fan of limes you can mix in 1 1/2 limes and a quarter cup of water :)
on with the recipe! it's really quite simple:

Preheat oven to 350f, whisk butter and sugar until creamy. Add eggs and whisk. Mix in coconut, lime zest/juice. Fold in flour and baking powder, spoon into cupcake pan. Bake 15-20 min.
Easy peasy lemon squeezey!

Relationships

You know that thing when two people have some sort of emotional connection?

Relationships?

Yea, that!

I think the best way to affect someone is by forming a relationship with them. In the process you learn so much about yourself too. The Prophet Muhammed (Peace and Blessings be upon him) once said, "'The best among you are those who have the best manners and character." Growing up I never really understood this. I was always taught at Sunday Schools (which I hated going to) that Islam is all about the five pillars. That's it. Wonderful...now I can list them off the top of my head: declaration of faith, prayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage to Mecca. Seriously people I think that's the worst way to tell a person about Islam.

So why is it that so many people were turning to Islam during the Prophet's time? People were drawn to him, not necessarily through his teaching of Islam, but by his beautiful character. I read books about him and different stories and it amazes me how much he actually cared for people. There's this one story where the Prophet was on his way to run some important errands. On the path he came across a little boy who was sobbing and grieving over the death of his bird. So the Prophet stopped to console the child and tried to make him smile. He didn't leave the boy until he was smiling again! In this day and age I feel like many of us (included me for sure) are so self-absorbed. We're always busy, always have a million errands to run, and always on the go. When was the last time we stopped, took a deep breath, and thought about someone else?

Relationships with others, how we treat each other, whether we think about each other in each others absence... those are the important things. God is all Merciful and as such we should spread mercy throughout the world. Imagine what a difference it makes when you smile at random people on the street? Its truly contagious. Once I was in an elevator and this lady looked at me and said with a huge smile, "You have a great day!" and left. It was simple but it totally made my day.

So lets go back and start reconnecting with people...our family, our friends, our neighbors, even that random kid you walk past everyday on your way to school/work.

Mrs. Cullen: The Wise One

Dear Friends,

I look like a balloon right now. My face is all swollen up and it aint pretty. Thank you everyone for your concern about my mom. She reached safely to New York and she just came back home tonight=) The first thing she did was laugh out loud when she saw my swollen face. Sigh. And my grandma laughed too. My grandpa didn't. He just immediately started naming people that he thought I looked like. FML. Anyway, I went to the bank today and as soon as I took a look at the little boy that was there with his dad, he started to cry and came running to his dad. I'm serious. It was because of my face. Everyone was staring at me. Even my T.A. (Teacher's Assistant) was laughing at me, when he was talking to me. I told him, "Thanks for laughing at me." And he said, "I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing with you." But I wasn't laughing. I wast just sitting there and staring at him. And looking like a balloon.

Ok. Why is my face all swelled up? Cuz I got in a fight. I know, I know. So unlike me. Well kinda. But its true. I was walking at school, minding my own business when this girl got in my face. She was all like, "Gurl, why you be tryina get wit my man?" And I was all like, "Huh, what you talkin about woman?" And she was like, "Gurl you know what I'm talkin' bout!" And I was like, "No I don't! I was mindin' my own business and you came all up in my face!" And shes like, "I saw you talkin' to him and I read your text messages to him. Girl, you betta stay away cuz he my baby daddy!!!" And I was like, "I aint stayin away. I love him. He treat me like a Queen!" And then she punched me and then I punched her back.

Ok. Um. Just kidding. Nothing like that happened. Nor did I take anyones man or anything. (Because thats not allowed in Islam. Oh. Not that I would take someones man away.) Anyway. I got my wisdom teeth removed yesterday morning. I got three removed because I already had the last one removed two years ago. Anyway. One side of my face looks normal. But its not. It is also swollen. You just can't tell because the other side is OH SO BAD. So you think this side is normal. Sigh. The more swollen side looks like I stuck an egg on the left side of my mouth. FML. Somebody thought there was gauze in there and thats why it looked so big. Sigh. No. Thats just my face.

Anyway. Even though I have gotten one of my wisdom teeth removed before, I will still so nervous. I was shaking and in so much pain when the dentist was giving me shots to numb me up. He gave me like a zillion shots. The assistant let me squeeze her hand. Haha. And I did. I'm so lame. Anyway. After the shots he went to take out someone else's teeth, while my face numbed up. I was shaking oh so much. Then finally, it was my turn. The first two teeth came out in like a second! It didn't even hurt when he removed them. I just felt some pressure. At one point the dentist asked what the problem was. And thats when I realized I was making awkward painful/moaning noises, for no reason. Because it didn't even hurt. I felt so stupid. So, I stopped. But the last tooth took some time. First he tried to take it out just like he took out the other two. That didn't work. Then he used some sharpy thing and there was a lot of blood. Then he used this wrench like thing. Then he used this plyer. Omg. That scared me. Finally he got it out. Half of it. Then he took out the rest. Then he stitched me up. All done.

Sigh. Anyway, it was the most painful thing ever. Sigh. Don't ever do it. The bleeding is supposed to stop in 3-4 hours but mine didn't stop for 24 hours. Last night, I didn't sleep. I kept waking up to myself choking on my blood. It was terrible. And I felt like a vampire. And the diet is terrible. I've only been eating pudding, soup and yogurt. I WANT CHICKEN AND RICE AND REAL FOOD. On top of that I wasn't even prescribed Vicodin. Only Tylenol 3. FML. Anyway. It has been quite an awful 36 hours. I just hope it gets better. Please pray that it does. Thanks. Anyway, this is something my friend just sent me and it made me happy. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”

Yours for the sake of Peace and Brotherhood,

Mrs. Cullen