Friday, September 17, 2010

So I'm a minority.

I have delayed reactions.

You know that gift you gave me...I won't know how to show appreciation, excitement, shock or even happiness until much, much later.

Actually, my emotions will be in a turmoil and for some reason the only thing I will be feeling at the moment is 'Why?'

Why am I feeling a why?

I dunno.

It's like asking, "Why is the world round?"

Cuz it just is, stupid.

Anyways so I think I've been having a delayed reaction to this place known as medical school. Before the first exam, we were being told, you're gonna feel overwhelmed, you're gonna be lost and everyone and everything was giving us tips on how to study productively and how to manage your time and where to get help.

And whenever anyone would ask me..."So how's medical school?"

I genuinely thought that I didn't really feel the overwhelm drowning in an abyss like feeling. Yeah it kinda sucked, and I didn't get why they were throwing so much info at us...but no biggie. Undergrad was like that.

First exam comes, and the night before I realize whyyy people were Freaking out and being such paranoid neurotics (same thing?) about always knowing everything (besides that it's built into most medical students) throughout our first unit material.

And now, with more than a week left until my next exam, I feel this incredible, dooming feeling shadowing my every movement (It might have do with my grades from the first exams). And I've discovered that my spelling has degenerated (yes, degenerated, because Biology uses the word degenerated) drastically ( I would have said in an acute period of time...but that would have been a bit much, and just me pretending to be more washed out, than I am, by medical school)

And I get frustrated real fast. Like when I was thinking about another friend from a different medical school, not understanding WHY, I was so overwhelmed and feeling so helpless when I have ONLY two weekends left.

How does she NOT understand? Two weeks, Two and a half weeks, FREAKING three weeks is not enough to catch up and memorize.

And NOW is a good time for SOMEONE to tell me.. How the hell do I study? HOW do I manage my time? WHERE do I get help? I wish I didn't skip those seminars at the start of classes, answering these questions. Problem was, I didn't understand the point of them back then. They really should know better than to assume everyone is having the same reaction and feeling. LEARN to accommodate the minority! (Us-the delayed reaction..ators)

I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do this anymore. There's a chance I might be suffering from a minor form of depression....but I still say that if you can't make yourself happy, then no one can.


Mrs. Cullen said...

i was just about to post an emo post too..I guess mine can wait.

Youthful Wisdom said...

Breathe. Read. Highlight. Take Notes. Close Your Eyes. Talk it out. Look back. Make Dua. Breathe.

Chuckle said...

at least you had enough time to write a post?

gurrl that's how i was my first year in nursing school. you will get used to it by your last year. inshAllah.

just listen to your lectures and look at the notes. don't even try reading the book. that always feel more overwhelmed than necessary.

EmptyWords said...



Im sorry =(

Sulthana said...

Aww. Agree with Youthful Wisdom - breathe. Relax. Go over or borrow someones notes on study and time management.

Sit down, make a timetable of the study time you have left and break all your revision across it - I find that useful because even if I don't follow the timetable I am aware how many bits I have to catch up on with how much time and what I can ditch, as opposed to have this one massive blob of knowledge I don't know how to intake.

Good luck - and breathe! :)

Rationality said...

Hi there young Doc :D
Well, I was smiling when I was reading your post till the end, you know why?
cuz I've been through this before and I almost hit the last year now. I can't even believe it.
Just don't worry and avoid stressing yourself its normal to be frustrated. And feel like you don't have enough time.
As chuckle said at least you had the time to write a post. At my first years I don't even have a time to stay with my family I felt like I'm lost and I need to find a way resting me. It will be easy trust me. Just you need to be a good time organizer and fill yourself with self confidence.
Have a good luck :)

Rabu said...

i like sulthana's advice but the probability of you doing it is nil so im gonna say stop being a tater tot and just blow through it all in anger mode....

supreem said...

I second tazeen's recommendation. But throw in dua in the beginning and dua in the middle...

How to study, each person finds that aspect of themselves. You need to realize that it never stays the same. The strategy in high school, doesn't work in college. The college strategy, doesn't work in grad school/medical school. It's your first semester, so yeah, you'll be overwhelmed like anything.

My recommendation, do what you're doing, but through in a couple of 'Allahumma ishrah lee sadree''s throughout your day, and restate your goals and focus....

Also, make a to-do-list, and manually check off things that you need to study daily... it helps you focus on getting the stuff "done". (include reviews daily, in your to-do-list as well).