I have delayed reactions.
You know that gift you gave me...I won't know how to show appreciation, excitement, shock or even happiness until much, much later.
Actually, my emotions will be in a turmoil and for some reason the only thing I will be feeling at the moment is 'Why?'
Why am I feeling a why?
It's like asking, "Why is the world round?"
Cuz it just is, stupid.
Anyways so I think I've been having a delayed reaction to this place known as medical school. Before the first exam, we were being told, you're gonna feel overwhelmed, you're gonna be lost and everyone and everything was giving us tips on how to study productively and how to manage your time and where to get help.
And whenever anyone would ask me..."So how's medical school?"
I genuinely thought that I didn't really feel the overwhelm drowning in an abyss like feeling. Yeah it kinda sucked, and I didn't get why they were throwing so much info at us...but no biggie. Undergrad was like that.
First exam comes, and the night before I realize whyyy people were Freaking out and being such paranoid neurotics (same thing?) about always knowing everything (besides that it's built into most medical students) throughout our first unit material.
And now, with more than a week left until my next exam, I feel this incredible, dooming feeling shadowing my every movement (It might have do with my grades from the first exams). And I've discovered that my spelling has degenerated (yes, degenerated, because Biology uses the word degenerated) drastically ( I would have said in an acute period of time...but that would have been a bit much, and just me pretending to be more washed out, than I am, by medical school)
And I get frustrated real fast. Like when I was thinking about another friend from a different medical school, not understanding WHY, I was so overwhelmed and feeling so helpless when I have ONLY two weekends left.
How does she NOT understand? Two weeks, Two and a half weeks, FREAKING three weeks is not enough to catch up and memorize.
And NOW is a good time for SOMEONE to tell me.. How the hell do I study? HOW do I manage my time? WHERE do I get help? I wish I didn't skip those seminars at the start of classes, answering these questions. Problem was, I didn't understand the point of them back then. They really should know better than to assume everyone is having the same reaction and feeling. LEARN to accommodate the minority! (Us-the delayed reaction..ators)
I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do this anymore. There's a chance I might be suffering from a minor form of depression....but I still say that if you can't make yourself happy, then no one can.