"Everyone wants mourners to 'snap out of it' because observing another's anguish isn't easy...To be human means to naturally react with feelings of sadness to negative events in one's life," writes Robert Spitzer
"By brooding over the past and its tragedies, one exhibits a form of insanity---a kind of sickness that destroys resolve to live for the present moment. Those who have a firm purpose have filed away and forgotten occurrences of the past, which will never again see light,since they occupy such a dark place in the recesses of the mind. Episodes of the past are finished with; sadness cannot retrieve them, melancholy cannot make things right, and depression will never bring the past back to life. This is because the past is non-existent."
-----Don't be Sad by 'Aaidh ibn Abdullah al-Qarn
Do you guys think the quotes contradict one another?
I don't. At first I thought they did,but if you understand each quote you realize they don't. Life isn't always easy and can be painful at times. For those painful times, it is OKAY to mourn and to be sad. Different people react to experiences differently. Some cannot or at least refuse to be brought down by the events of life. Others, aren't as great. They need to express grief in some form. After all, God did give us the ability to feel sad or feel grief for a reason. If it was flat out wrong, it would be forbidden to us so these negative emotions are not always a bad thing.
On the other hand, if you decide to dwell on those occurrences that bring you down, then yes you could be committing some kind of wrong. Granted different situations bring on different levels of grief, and thus require different periods of mourning, but there is has to be a stop to the constant depression. What is it that you exactly accomplish by 'brooding' over a 'tragedy'? Look around, life is going on, your life is still going on, it won't freeze for you, the past is now gone or 'nonexistent'. Not to mention you are losing those thousands of opportunities in life to be grateful for what you have or something like helping someone else through their grief.
Now losing a loved one, is something altogether that's a horrible experience. There is no simple "Just cheer up and move on" motto that can be applied. To that, i want to say, I'm sorry. Even if I don't know who you are, I'm sorry you have to go through that. Forgive me if I sound like I'm preaching , but don't you sometimes think that your constant state of depression is also making your late loved one grieve. Don't you also think, that being in that constant state for too long is making you lose your other loved ones, or would-be loved ones? Would you wait until everything passes you by or by the time you lose everything to realize that it's ok to move on. And it is not the same as forgetting. Your love for them won't go away, and why not make them proud instead? Why not pray for them instead? True it does pain me to see you grieving, but at the same time it's not that I want you to snap out of it immediately. The spot that person holds in your heart most likely won't and doesn't need to go away for you to be okay. But you will be okay, and you need to realize that. That you will be okay.
And finally, I'm sorry again. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sorry for your pain, I'm sorry I can't help. I truly am.
"Oh Allah,(Arabic word for God) Possessor of Majesty, Magnificence and Might, let comfort take the place of sorrow, make happiness come after sadness, and let safety take the place of fear." Amen
P.S. I know I said I'll post pictures of India and God willing, I will be in the next couple of days :)
6 comments:
interesting...very interesting
(for once constructive attitude isn't the first to comment...)
When I lost my grandfather, I felt like I had to stay in that state of grief forever. I felt like if I didnt then I would forget him and lose his memory. And for a bit of time I was angry with myself when I wasn't literally crying and mourning any longer because I DID feel like I was forgetting him.I kept asking myself the question, "How can I move on with my life when he's not around?" And in some weird, twisted way I wanted to grieve forever....
And it's kinda ironic because I read "Dont be Sad" a month after his passing away, and its that exact quote that you put up that I read over and over that helped me slowly,but surely, stop grieving for him,and not necessarily move on from his death, but remember his life instead.
Alhamdullilah.
^ Alhamdulilah
for this reason, I don't always agree with psychology and therapy. They just want to bring it up over and over...and every time, it's sad. Isn't that more of "not letting go" than actually not speaking of it? I dunno.
It's funny, I was going to post about my dad's passing because tomorrow is his birthday ...but decided against it.
...and then I ended up here. maybe it's a sign ;)
I've learned that those psycho-babble "steps to grieving" really do serve a purpose. I've lost relatives, friends and pets. If we allow ourselves to go through the motions and feelings of grief rather than deny those tsunamies of feelings we will be able to cope and function with more ease. In other words, "snap out of it" faster. Life does go on, but there is a special time for grieving that shouldn't be ignored.
-shock/denial
-inward anger
-outward anger
-depression
-acceptance
i agree but i also think you shouldn't always be extremely happy all the time.
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