So there's this movie called Obsession everyone' s talking about. Silly zionist propaganda to instill fear in the hearts of Americans!!111 People are just ig'nant man.
But that's not what this is about. It's that my friend told me the DVD cover has "Obsession" written with a crescent moon and star to make the "O" and an AK-47 on the "N". how badass is that?? Since my name starts with O, I am officially photoshopping My name to look like that. That's just how I feel right now. Do guns empower me? No, but I see their potential. Just saying. I think instead of an AK-47 I'll have a 9mm. Because I'm just a tarantino-style Gangsta at heart. I'm like Jackie Brown. Or Mr. White. Or Zoey in Death Proof. I love Death Proof. I can't believe people don't consider it the greatest movie of all time.
Sometimes I feel like, I can never talk about violence. Muslim girls don't do that. I shouldn't see destruction and say "SWEET DUDE!" or "what a beautiful spiral of life." I can't joke about suicide without being reported to the FBI. I can't say things like "I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm allll out of bubble-gum," and other such popular 80s phrases. I'll get stared at, or be an object of amusement. Sometimes I have to stop and think before I talk about my childhood aspirations of becoming a neurosurgeon, so that I could turn people into powerful bionic-cyborg-androids (Yes i am aware of the redundancy). I guess I don't mind. In this society - in this "state of fear" - I am always dancing on a fine line. Like an ant on the lines of a spider web. I'm sorry I'm not trendy enough to say that "Islam means peace" and "jihad is more about inner struggle." Of course, that's all true (explanation not provided here, sorry). But I feel like we are constantly making ourselves more and more powerless. Everyone's talking about politics these days. Everyone is saying that: we will vote between two puppets, and this will somehow empower us. I like this puppet because he has a cool hat. I like the puppet on the right because he has shiny buttons.
Why must we sugarcoat the situation of people that are victimized or attacked? Ignore the rape, the torture, the murder, the slaughter, the genocide, but dear, why are you Arabs so angry? Embrace the message of Jesus while cluster bombs rain on your hospitals and weddings!! I don't understand why you must be so full of rage... let's work together for peace, while we send you to a cage to be raped 20 times a day without due trial, and re-allocate your homes. But yes, WE are peaceful. Yes, WE cannot be "radical". We cannot be "extremist." We must learn to be more reasonable, more civilized, and peace-loving, to appease the "liberators" as they rape us. Let's admit to our alleged crimes and say that Islam does not stand for this hate and "terrorism". Let's have interfaith dialogue with the people trying to divide us and categorize us and name us without any authority, and say we did our part. Let's ignore the duty of a human being to fight back. A man's instinctive nature to defend his family, his beliefs, and his land. Let's downplay that and let's talk about how moderate and civilised we are. How privileged we are.
It becomes easier to numb any pain in our joints or limbs. Sleep at night with no bad dreams.
I have had many lovely discussions these past couple weeks about getting involved in these affairs, about politics, about history.
What's growing however, is deeper. bigger than politics. Bigger than economics. Bigger than historical patterns.
Have I become "superstitious"? Or cynical as they say? Suffice it to say, it has become easier and easier to predict world events. It has been so since I was 10 years old. But its becoming more and more intuitive and less about reading books and such. I hate to be the one at the end saying "I told you so." I am not cynical. I want to be wrong. Two years ago I predicted what would happen in Pakistan. When your hopeful barack obama becomes leader, I will be there to expect the war fully escalated into my country and elsewhere, intensified and worsened.
Sometimes I wonder if despite all my efforts towards scientific discovery and medicine, is it inevitable for me to be thrown into the dynamics of Pakistan, and to a broader sense, the "muslim world"? In fact, will science itself lead me to political uprising? To complete my father's work in our country, as it is deeply infiltrated by people with vile agendas? Is all my thinking, all my insomnia, ultimately to turn me into the strategies that my mind concocts?
But really, is any of that important? When reality is that politics is overshadowed by deeper forces. We must all know this deep down. It is silly to talk about politics and war, and refuse to acknowledge these forces.. A very ancient war with very dark forces surrounding all of us. Wars about definitions and contexts and beliefs... "politics" is a dumb way to describe it. and here i digress
What's deeper is the thought of tapping into a collective psyche. The hope of common sense. It comes in cycles I suppose, just like the cycles of growth and recession in the economy. Maybe 'common sense' is a shorter peak though, a variance approaching zero if you will. Perhaps we can map this out with variables including revolutions, coups, rise of movements. With enough statistical analysis, can we predict the next wave of collective awakening...?
Have I wasted so much time trying to come up with a political model? Is the answer just in physics all along?
Actually O, the answer is in 99 beautiful names (102 to account the hidden), 114 wonderful meals, 9 excellent volumes, and countless revivals....
Perhaps by recognizing these, my opponents may recognise physical battle (self-defense to be exact), charity, invocation and sincerity as the only viable references towards "change" as they love to call it. and not the deceptive dividing mechanisms of our propaganda queens... Of course there is something deeper that is missing. A matter of the heart. A level of intimacy, believe it or not.
[These thoughts took their own life and control, like robots with artificial intelligence breaking free of humankind; none of this was intended when i sat down to write. and I'm actually a very colourful and happy individual. just ask my friends ;)]