Mrs. Cullen: The Fatty

Dear Friends,

I'm fat. Really. I am. If you know me you might say: "Yeah, you are fat" or you might say "No, you're not fat, girl." Well let me tell you, I am fat. At least compared to my weight two years ago, I'm a freaking piece of lard. I've always loved/absolutely adored/obsessed over/cherished/idolized food. I know thats bad, but its the truth. I've always ate like a "pig" or a "jinn" (as my parents would say), since I was a child. But now the difference is my stupid, as-slow-as-a-freaking-turtle metabolism. Oh. I can also blame it on stress. I have been quite stressful these last two years, especially now. But I have also been quite lazy and inactive as well. Sigh. And though I've always ate like a pig, now I eat like two freaking pigs combined. But thats not my fault either. My grandma and mom are Thee Best Cooks Ever. Also, I have a well paying job (thanks to God and babies) which allows me to eat fast food all the time. Oh, how I love food.

Anyway, I got in a serious fight with one of my friends a few days ago. And you know why???? Because they think I'm too lazy. What the freak. I can be lazy if I want. Don't get in a fight with me about it. Don't tell me that I have to lose weight or we are not going to be friends. Don't throw a pencil across the library and tell me to get it, just to prove that I'm lazy. Mind your own business. And I'm not lazy. Even though I didn't pick up the pencil. Whatever. Don't threaten me with silent treatments, if I don't go to the gym at least four times a week. I don't need your friendship! Whateva.

So, yesterday I went to the gym. I ran for half an hour while watching Judge Joe Brown: Bad Girls You Love to Hate Edition. I'm gonna go again today. When I came home my mom was on the phone with someone saying, "The clothes I bought for Mrs. Cullen from India don't fit her too well; she has gained some weight. She thinks shes gonna start a diet. She can't. She loves eating too much." I became sad and promised myself I would never eat, ever again. But then it was dinner time. Sigh. But I'm kinda trying to eat healthy. For example: usually I eat two or three servings of dinner. Instead, I only had 1 and a half servings.

In Islam, there is a certain rule for how much you eat. The Prophet Muhammad said, “No man fills a vessel worse than his stomach. A few mouthfuls that would suffice to keep his back upright are enough for a man. But if he must eat more, than he should fill one third (of his stomach) with food, one third with drink and leave one third for easy breathing.” Sigh. I wish I could follow that. Inshallah, some day.

Yours for the Sake of Peace and Sisterhood,
Mrs. Cullen

PS: My friend just told me the most genius thing ever. There is no point to starve yourself. Because the more you starve yourself, the hungrier you will get. The hungrier you get, the more you will eat when you realize you can't starve yourself. Genius.