Saturday, June 13, 2009

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain & remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself.

I've been giving this summer a whole lot of excuses for arriving late, and it still hasn't come yet. I kept saying its only May, it'll be all colorful and lively soon. And now its June, so far nothing.

The bushes outside our house are kind of sickly, which BY THE WAY, its an art of its own trying to give shape to plants. I give a lot of credit to gardeners, I tried my hand at it a few hours ago...it's like cutting your own hair. You have no idea when to stop and when you do, its too late. My mom was pretty sad all the pretty parts of her bushes were gone. Its ok, they'll grow back in right?

Its really annoying though, to be the neighbor that doesn't have that great of a landscape. In my old house, we had a neighbor right next to us whose backyard was an EYESORE. It was basically a mini farm with plants in every spot the sun could reach... and then some. That also meant it was a few square feet of land with tons of flies, moths (not butterflies... MOTHS---the ugly cousin lol), mosquitoes, etc...

Anyways, I chose to always look towards the right when I stepped into my backyard in the old house. Now I feel like we're that neighbor. But actually I'm exaggerating, we're not that bad and we don't have a farm in the backyard. My mom does have a few tomato plants but they're off to the side. I'm just talking about our bushes, they're so unkempt. It bothers me.

That really wasn't the point of this post. Its something else that I've been thinking about lately... Is it just me, or do we all tend to take more interest in people who just aren't that interested in us? I keep analyzing my relationships and I think that's very true for me. I tend to make more effort with some who don't return it. And in some ways I'm guilty of neglecting those who take more interest in me. But I've changed that over the past few months, so I feel better in that sense. There's just one thing that makes me feel better about relationships like that. Last year, I attended this Islamic retreat over a course of three days. The lecturers gave us different perspectives on everyday life, and this one lecture was about the Islamic outlook on relationships. And one of the things I learned and ALWAYS keep with me is how easier our lives would be if we just didn't EXPECT anything from anyone. If we just went about doing our thing for others but not expecting anything in return. Do some good for someone and if they do good back to you then you'll be pleasantly surprised, but if they don't then you didn't miss anything because you never expected it in the first place. Its a genius idea but in reality very hard to apply. That's not to say it shouldn't be attempted. I think this post is more of a reminder for myself to apply that harder. When you master it, it really truly leaves you with more peace of mind.

Anyways, I just wonder why this is the case. Is it true for you guys as well? How do you handle it?

P.S. This photo is from a year ago and if you look really hard you can see the garage-livers I talked about in this post. Hehe =).

15 comments:

Lisa said...

Hi Artistic Logic!

Well I think that the guy we can't have and the challenge of that is more exciting in the beginning. And much more exciting than the nice guy whose just okay looking and easy to get.

I feel that a really good looking guy whose sometimes better looking than us comes along with the territory in a case like this.

And certainly some girls just love the bad guy.

The trick is to get out before you are in knee-deep, knowing that the challenge of getting him to meet expectations will just wear on you over time.

Th other awesome advice is to foster relationships where the guy loves you more than you love him. Really this is the best advice I've ever been given.

Ha ha, your neighbors backyard is why I'm not a huge fan of lawn gardens and growing your own food. Seems like a great place for snakes and lots of scary critters.

I also am not good at gardening! And it's impossible in an apt. The Texas heat is way too strong for anything to live right now anyway.

This is a weird summer. A lot of our city pools are still closed despite 90 degree temps. I'm wondering when it's going to FEEL like summer, like you it doesn't yet.

Love you lots habibty.

Artistic Logic said...

Lisa,

a long wait is over... i hear it'll be in the 80's next week (in my part of the country) and just a few hours after this post the sun is shining outside... i hadn't seen sunshine for the past few days...

anddd i think its really funny u took right away that my post would be about a guy.... i agree with what you're saying though... i wrote it in a general sense and speaking more of friends/acquaintances... not love in the "love" sense .... do i make sense? i doubt it

anyways thanks for stopping by i checked your blog a while ago... you're not writing much these days =(... hope all is well....take care!

Constructive Attitude said...

haha. lisa is funny.

I just watched "He's just not that into you" and i could see why she would think that.

With certain relationships I have, I feel the same way about being interested in someone who isnt necessarily "insterested" in me. or whatever. and I get frustrated, but at the same time, I get annoyed with myself for taking other people for granted and brushing them off because they obv care about me and are "interested"...isnt there a better word for "interested"...I do feel like im talking about a guy/girl relationship when i used that word.

Lisa said...

I'm fixing to put the pedal to the metal and post something. Ugh. I'm totally procrastinating.

I totally thought it was about a guy! Me and my assumptions, sorry Artistic. Well inshallah it will get easier with friends and acquaintances.

It's so weird. My cousin is going to an outdoor pool for her 3 year old's swimming lessons in Rochester, MN. We have 90 degree temps here and half the pools aren't open. But, no problem in Minnesota. 80 sounds so nice and comfy! Hope you have a fun summer and love you lots sweetie.

MarjnHomer said...

What I usually do with my relationships is try to keep up with others even if they have not called in forever. If they seem to wanna make a connection again, I keep it otherwise I let it go without another thought. Its hard but peopel are in and out of your lives for a reason. Will we know why ever? who knows!

I think in our block we are the neighbors with the unsightly grass and it drives me crazy becz we have no lawn mower, otherwise I would cut it myself!

MarjnHomer said...

and I'm sooooooooo loving the cool, summer weather because it helps me breathe a lot easier this time around being only 3 weeks from delivery. Yay!

provoking invoking said...

sigh we have unkempt bushes tooo


and yeah about the relationships thing, that iis EXACTLY how my mom is. always pleasing the people tha tdon't deserve it and sometimes ignoring the ones that want to give give give. sigh it drives me crazy sometimes

the girl in stiletto said...

Amazing photo!!!!

Re not expecting much from others, well, that's kind of how I've been living for the past few years. I can be a total perfectionist like a pain in the butt, and I've had my heart broken for so many times by others, that I decided to stop expecting much from others. I still do them as how I would want them to do to me (as in do good to others as how you want others to do good to you, that kind of thing you know) but I dont expect much.

I think it's better that way because the higher you expect from others, the more they will disappoint you. But, if you don't expect anything from them, and when they do something that makes you happy, you'll be truly happy.

well, at least i do find that to be true anyway. :)

Ikram Hadi said...

As Salaamu Alaikum,
The feed problem shows when someone subscribes to your blog and views your feed in their reader, like in Google reader. The author's name has (noreply@blogger.com) attached to it.

To solve this, in feedburner click 'Edit feed details' and remove "?default=rss" from the end of the URL.
JazakunnAllah.

Cheryl said...

So I was going to write something about how "I'M BACK and the world is pretty much a better place because of me", but then I read this post about how the world has become so jaded that we shouldn't even expect anything from anyone because the chances are, we'll be disappointed. And what's worst is that, it's just so true. I can't count how many times I've given and given just to not receive anything, and be thoroughly disappointed-in myself, and the other person, but mostly in myself.

~PakKaramu~ said...

Pak Karamu reading your blog

EmptyWords said...

I completely agree with you AL. I think its because we always feel we need to be loved and wanted by the whole world. So those that dont want us, we want them to want us. If you guys ever watched the show 'Recess,' there was this one episode relating to this topic. Theres a kid named TJ and everyone loved this kid except for one person. And throughout the whole episode, all you see is TJ trying soo many different things just to get that one guy to like him... and that meant ignoring his friends also. In the end, the guy was like 'i just dont like you.' lol... and so TJ had to deal with the fact that some people just dont like him...

dont expect anything from anyone... definitely easier said than done

Faith in Writing said...

Lol. re the bushes. My brother was a gardener for a while and he learnt how to make those twisted trunk little trees and how to shape the tops of them into spheres. He taught my dad how (and btw he's 67..) and one day my dad called me giggling... he'd shaped his own little ball trees and then gone next door to "trim" their place and put their 3 little bushes into spheres. He was so impressed with himself but laughing becuase he'd made their garden look funny.
And he actually has a REALLY nice garden, my dad. Lots of vegies out the back and a mini rain forest under a canopy under a couple of palm trees out the front. I think after living in the middle of Australia for 55years where it's really dry he's taking advantage of the tropical coast weather :)

So I say, you go girl with the garden. Make little ball trees, or just plant nice things. Is the weather good where you are?

Oh,and we just got winter here (it's June, start of winter) and I thought it would never come and then BAM it's rained for a few weeks ... be careful what you wish for!

Faith in Writing said...

I just finished reading, re the relationships.
It's very true that when people don't care you care too much. It works with boys and with friends and family. It is hard to detach from wanting anything back, but I can see how it would be beneficial. I usually don't expect much from anyone so I guess I don't get disappointed much. I did just break up with one of my friends (read my posts!) but I don't think it was too much to expect that she a)listened to me when I spoke to her and b)stood up for me if her friends were crap to me (They were). Sometimes you need to cut slack, but sometimes the slack is waaay too slack anyway. Then you need to move on.

Rabia said...

I know exactly what you mean! The weather has been annoying lately, but it seems that summer is just about here!

Let me tell you, gardening is not my forte. When my mom went to Pakistan, I was scared that I was going to kill her plants. Luckily, they survived. I love how gardens look so pretty, but it's a lot of work. I really do want to try it out....hopefully some day I'll actually enjoy it.

As for relationships...I have to agree with you that I have done that before, and all I felt was disappointment. I think the idea of not expecting anything from anyone is a smart one. But, like you said, it will take time to get to that point. Honestly, I've started applying "Never make someone a priority if they only make you an option" to my life. Needless to say, it's definitely helped!