I'm all talk. Sometimes I really feel like I am just all talk. I always talk about making my life stress-free and becoming a better person and doing little things to make me happy and improve my life in general [see previous posts for example]. But then I feel like I try for a sec and thats all. And then I remember and try again and then I give up and it goes on and on. I feel so pathetic. I don't know what it is. I feel so emo sometimes. I hate that word. So lame. I hate when people take pictures on facebook and they write emo or something. I dunno-- I just think its lame. I also hate birthdays. So much. I used to think they were so important and its like your day. Yay. No. Its not. Its just another day in life and you're just a year older and God just gave you another day to live [ok the latter is a big deal but then every day should be special]. Anyways, I'm just annoyed right now. I really hate birthdays and they make me mad. People should not have the right to feel extra special or be treated extra special just because its your birthday. Don't hate me, yo. This is just how I feel. Last year I was so upset with my closest cousin and friend because she forgot to call me on my birthday. I was so sad. I was like "I'm not gonna pick up when she does remember!" And thats exactly what I did. I didn't pick up. Then I listened to the voice mail of her saying sorry she forgot to call, blah blah blah. I was still upset. I'm so pathetic. Eleven days later she passed away. Then I was so mad at myself and felt like such a freaking idiot. And still do. Birthdays are so dumb. Ok not just birthdays but everything---everything that is materialistic or just stupid and makes you upset at people for no reason. Fights are dumb and so are grudges and boys and anything that gets in the way of friendship is just dumb. And I'm dumb too. I'm dumb because I read Wuthering Heights just because my husband [Oh! You didn't know I was married?? Why do you think I'm Mrs. Cullen?? Idiot] talked about it in Twilight. It was such a stupid book. About love and how two people love each other so much and when they die they are still together. I was so stupid to read it just because my fictional husband talked about it in a fictional story. Anyways. I guess this post needs a purpose. It has one, I promise! It is just hard to explain. I wish I had motivation to do all the things I want to do. I wish I wasn't so lazy. My mom let me get a fridge in my room just so I don't have to walk downstairs if I wanna get water or ice cream. I need help. I really need motivation to do something--anything. I am a very lazy person and its not good. Its sad because I am lazy when it comes to health and school but when it comes to movies and fun I become so opposite-of-lazy.
You know whats really bothering me? Of course you don't because I didn't tell you yet. I just wish we didn't take things for granted. I know we hear that all the time but I truly believe no one can possibly understand what that means until they lose something. For example. I eat over five meals a day. There are people starving in this world. I am so thankful for what I have but its kinda hard to understand that I am so lucky to have all this. Its hard because I have it and I don't know what it is like to not have it. I don't know what it is like to starve or be homeless or unhealthy, Alhumdulillah [All praise is due to Allah aka Halelu Yah]. I spent my whole first paragraph complaining and putting myself down but I don't even realize how lucky I am and how good I have it all. Yes its true that we should continue to improve ourselves and become better people and aim for stress-free lives, but we also need to relax and be grateful for what we have. Even if we are stressed out and feel overwhelmed; we have it better than so many others. So, for awhile [a little while] I will stop the complaining and start the thanking.
Alhumdulillah [All praise is due to Allah] for: Food. Parents. Siblings. Education. Some What Clear Skin. A Job. Tv. Hijab. My Cat. Religion. Home. Back Home. Relatives. Love. Friends. Trust. No Thyroid Cancer. Books. Walking. Talking. Hearing. Thinking. Eating. AC. Heat. Eating. Heated Mattress. J.K. Rowling. Stephenie Meyer. George Orwell. Nice Teeth. Etc.
Yours for the sake of Peace and Brotherhood,