Monday, January 5, 2009

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to...

Okay, so I'm not really crying...

But today is my birthday.

And usually a month before my birthday, I remind everyone that my birthday is in this many days.

This year I just didn't have the stamina to do it. I even deleted my birthday from my Facebook profile. I just didn't want my birthday to come? I guess? I don't know.

(And it's not because I'm getting "older". That kinda stuff wont phase me until I turn 30.)

(But I really hope this is not how my future birthdays will be. And I hope as I get older I don't become a bitter old woman that absolutely dreads her upcoming birthdays)

I'm not really sure what's bothering me. But something is.

Maybe it's because I feel so empty these days. Like something HUGE is missing from my life.

(Seriously, no one better say that the thing that's missing in my life is a "guy" or marriage. Or even kids. That notion is getting very very old.)

(And just in case, I didn't make it clear enough, it's NONE of those things)

Anyways, a couple of my family members and friends asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Lately,every time I hear that question I remember the lyrics to this song by the Goo Goo Dolls. It's called "Better Days":

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child who saved this world
and there's ten million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Seriously, that's all I want.

If someone can give me that, I can die a happy woman.


Artistic Logic said...

ill see what i can do

Falling Up said...

I was going to dedicate a birthday post to you but then AL just posted hers and I thought that should be read.
As I already stated on fb and the email and the call, Happy Birthday! And may God always keep you happy and give you the best. May you have many beautiful years ahead of you.

ps - we can be old together. you do realize that this is the last year that sounds like a "fun" age? Like 16, 17, 19, 21, 23...nothing sounds fun after 23. lol.

Tazeen said...

Ah ... sounds like my birthday which was last month, i gues one gets tired of birthdays after a while, isn't it?

Mrs. Cullen said...

you are so corny! lol and i know whats missing in your life. but don't worry ok pLEASE DON'T WORRY. i will see you on saturday. ok so chill out and be happy.

and i KNKOW what else is missing in your life...

Chuckle said...

This song reminds me of Randy Pausch. :(

Why don't you just share your feelings with your family so we can all just have a group hug?

But seriously we all get like this (like something's missing) when our relationship/contact with Allah is limited. Or at least I do. And since we have similar DNA this may be the case with you as well. And there's no need to worry because there is a simple thing you can do to fix this (notice how i used the word "fix" and not "change" because we know your love for the latter word). And the fixer is...well you already know the answer.

Mutmainnahq said...

Whats the answer?^^^

Anyways I also think you should just come to us, and I'll make you another thoughtful cake for your birthday and attempt to give you a hug.
I mean seriously maybe you just need your damn family. You already you know you have your friends, they're not going anywhere. I mean seriously, you know? You never know what will happen to your family. [i.e Nana]

P.S I will give you a heartfelt hug one damn day.

Mutmainnahq said...

and you'll damn well appreciate it!!!

controlled chaos said...

Dang mutmainah and guffi, you guys are harsh...
she is around u guys plenty!!!!!
in fact, she doesn't know it, but she worries about u guys a lot, and tell us EVERYTHING (haha) about u guys

fuelMybrain said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I know you aren't being materialist, but next year ask for the Bullet (smoothie maker). I had no idea I wanted one until my dad "splurged" this year and we all got one. hee hee.

Oh and the 30 thing, yep you'll freak out... soul searching, diet planning, counting wrinkles. The 30's club doesn't deny any application unfortunately. :-P