Every time I think about it, I want to throw up.

For most of my life, I have found that I shy away from many things. I'm very timid and with respect to my students, I cant talk in large gatherings. I cant sing in front of most people. And I will definitely never act in front of anyone. Ever.

During 11th grade literature class in high school, we were required to read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley . And during that time, the required assignment happened to be an acting session. Each group of students was required to act out a scene from Frankenstein in front of the class. And then we had to do the same thing with another novel written by Richard Wright, Black Boy.

I skipped school both days, feigning a fever, and dont recall what ended up happening with regards to my grade. Obviously I passed though. Alhamdulilah.

Although it is a common joke between my friends and I, constantly making things "me, me, me", I have a very hard time being the center of attention.

I dont know how to react.

I dont know what to say.

And I dont know what to do with my hands and mouth! My mouth is always hanging open and my hands are always clenched in a weird gesture.

And I continuously have a nauseous feeling and a feeling of wanting to throw up.

Once upon a time, I thought I would get over this shyness.

Yeah, not so much.

Currently I've found myself thinking about an upcoming event in which I have to literally be on a stage. Not so much acting while up there, but up there nonetheless. In front of a group of people. Combine that with a numerous other thoughts floating in my head, and you have a very queasy Constructive Attitude.

And here we go again with the whole "I want to throw up" feeling.

And this time, I cant really skip the event.

Although it would be funny if I did.

Elohel.