Friday, September 4, 2009

Love Letter(s)

Dear University,

Thank you for being so efficient. I appreciate all the billing statements you send me every semester---after I've paid tuition. Really, don't worry about the panicked confusion it causes me, especially when you send it after the "due on" date. And you also don't need to worry about ME worrying about Lucy at the cashiers counter who was filing her nails when accepting my payment. I'm sure she entered "Bill Payed" into the right students account. I just wonder why you still keep sending me statements. Perhaps its your ever uncommunicative administrative system, I mean I've only called so and so department so many times just to be transferred to the next... and to the next.... and to the next....each person telling me "we don't handle this."

Also, Uni, I can call you Uni can't I? I mean I've had a good, steady 5 year relationship with you, right? We're friends right? I haven't left you for anyone else and I've kept up with all my commitments. It should be two sided, no? How come you decided to chuck the "start-fall semester-after-labor-day" deal we've had going for so long? And why did I receive an email about classes starting the night before? I was expecting the same pattern as the past 5 years and would have shown up to class next week. Why couldn't you keep things simple...especially for a senior like me who is now too comfortable to check every date and deadline? Its OK, I guess, that WAS my oversight...

I'm waiting for your apology now.....

What's that? You aren't going to?

FINE.
--------------------------------------------------------

Dear University Parking Director (if you exist, but knowing University, your position probably does exist)

Did you know I pay for your livelihood? Good, now that we're on the same page....might I ask you plan a more efficient way to direct parking on the first day of the semester?

For instance, why can't you just designate ONE parking structure for incoming freshman. Everyone's lives would be easier if you kept the panic-stricken, confused, young'ns out of our hair (or Hijab in my case).

I also don't appreciate you shutting down all the convenient parking lots that I always frequent. Don't you know I pay $2.25 everyday JUST to leave my car there for a couple hours? I think I deserve a little more attention. Its rather annoying to see the sign flashing FULL when you and I both know there's an empty spot there.... and there.... and there....and look THERE. Times like these I wish I drove a Hummer so I could just drive OVER your stupid barricade, park, and get on with my life.

Again, did you know that signature on your paycheck should technically be mine? I'm JUST saying...
-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Last-Professor-I'll-Ever-Have-in-Undergrad,

I'm just writing to let you know a little bit about me. I'm AL and I'm in your class.

But perhaps most important, I'm jealous.

Jealous of all my friends who show up on the first day of classes and get to leave after being handed the syllabus. Apparently, there IS something called a "free day." But I guess we at the College of Engineering wouldn't know about that would we? Three pages of notes ... was that necessary?

I especially felt hurt when you said "I usually don't teach on the first day...." but then reached for the chalk anyways.

P.S. Thanks for using the chalk and chalkboard. I truly appreciate that (no I really do, no sarcasm). The Chalkboard Makers of America ALSO appreciate that. Apparently, their product is not going obsolete...thanks to you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Facebook,

I'm sorry but I really hate the "sidebar" ads you allow. They're distracting. REALLY distracting. But then again your whole site is distracting. Do you and my so called "friends" have some vendetta against me? I mean, why WHY does everyone update their pictures and all that fun stuff, the night before my exams. Why not in the lazying days of break? Anyways, that's not why I'm writing to you. Back to your ads.
I just don't appreciate seeing things like "Try a DSLR for free...and KEEP it!"








or an orange iBook. I would really like a DSLR. Or that orange iBook. OR an orange DSLR with an iBook.
I don't appreciate you rubbing salt on my wounds like that. That is SO not cool.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Future Husband,

Please re-read the above letter. That should be enough hints for the type of gifts I prefer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Rushed Drivers Everywhere,

I think I've been pretty nice to you. Don't you feel the same? I mean, whenever I'm not in a rush myself I try to be courteous enough to watch out for your needs. Like, I let you get ahead of me when there's a lot of traffic and you wouldn't be able to make that turn until next year. And when I move over on the highway because you seemed to be in a rush. Those are pretty sweet gestures right?
I'd just like to know one thing, how come you never give me "the wave?" You know, THE wave-- the one that means you acknowledged me. Yea, that one.

All you Rushed Drivers must have some secret society to keep things uniform amongst you al, because I have yet to meet one of you that knows about the Wave. Can I be a guest demonstrator at your next meeting?
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Family,

It's 6 am and the house is pitch dark. Why am I the only one awake? Don't you all have to go somewhere too?*

---------------------------------------------------------------------



*This post was written at 6 am, so technically I can leave that in. =)

9 comments:

Constructive Attitude said...

hahaha. I loved this. I hate the rushed drivers. they make me nervous and scared and make me want to slam on the brakes every five seconds.

and lol @ the future hubby thing.

University is on crack.

But i miss those days. i loved the first days of classes. so relaxed and chill (minus what you have to go through) undergrad was THE LIFE. i swearrrrr. SIGHHHHH

Amalia said...

haha, I loved this post - really made me smile. :)

Heckety said...

This is one briliant post! If I could speak as ou write ther'd be lot of decimated people out there. I so enjoyed this!

Faith said...

that's just to too much love to spread all over ;b

EmptyWords said...

hahaha...thanks for this awesome post =)

Simply me said...

lol. I laaav you

Everyday Muslimah said...

hehe...very nice! Made me reminisce a few things. =)

provoking invoking said...

best post ever!!! i can relate on EVERYTHING you said. we're twins. and on the three pages of notes the first day, i hear you. UGH!!!

i love you and miss you

mint.fresh.muslim said...

*I like* FB Style!

Post the letters out, post the letters out! Hah