I think I'm going to give up on studying now. The idea that I have run away from for so long seems like the best plan in the world.
Who needs them.
Psshh. Useless. I can make a fake one at home. My university even has fake ones that it hands out the day of commencement.
Make something of yourself?
I already am made of something.
Bones. Muscles. Epithelial Cells. Connective Tissue. Cardiac Muscle. Nervous System. Digestive System.
Everything that seems to be failing already.
And I haven't even hit 25.
Maybe it's a sign from God. I'm getting old. I should settle down. Find a house. Be happy. Use whatever energy that is left in running around after some kids.
Or I'll get really old. And my charlie horses, and sore muscles, and random bumps and aches will become worse. And my kids will just point and laugh at me.
In fact, I think it'll be my husband that'll teach them to point and laugh at me.
And I'll just be lying there, some lump, shaking an angry fist at them.
To no avail.
But still it must be better than this. At this point, hope has flown out. (Dear God, that still means you need to pull some kind of miracle for me here. I'm lying. I still have hope in you....I LOVE YOU. PLEASE... Did I mention that I loved you?)
And I'm a walking zombie. Only a zombie that randomly goes and hugs her mom like a five year old would do while watching a scary movie. Or decides that there are a thousand better things to be reading and watching on the internet.
And my life should not have to be like this. I should be dancing in some flower field, hiding behind trees, to some Indian song. And I should be able to run faster than anyone else but still not be able to catch up to my "the one". And the only worry in the world should be convincing somebody or another that it's that "one" guy that dances like a freak that I should get married to.
I think I shall use facebook to its utmost potential and find myself some really rich Nate and forfeit myself to a life of servants, and lethargy.
And I shall flick off my books with three fingers (since I'm too terrified to actually flick something off) and get myself a horse and gallop into the sunset...With Indian music playing, of course.
Forever free of the evils of books, and exams, and failure.
Forever free of pressure, horrible professors, and physical sciences.
Forever free of GRADES, GPA's, STUPID POINTS!!!
FOREVER FREE TO USE MY FAILING BODY AS I WANT.
FOREVER FREE OF WORRYING ABOUT HOW TO EARN MONEY.
I WOULD BE THE QUEEN. AND ALL WOULD BOW TO ME.
....All I need to do is, figure out a way to move out of my house, and pay to support myself, and actually find a rich, Muslim Nate that would be willing to marry me.
Sigh...if only drugs were allowed in Islam.