Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mrs. Cullen: The Mother

Dear Friends,

I think I am going to be a mother. I am not [at all] prepared. And I didn't even see it coming. One day I bought a fish tank, the next day a few fish. And next thing you know. You got a fat, fat, fat fish. Thats why I said "I think" I am going to be a mother. I don't really know much about fish except that they have a six second memory span and caviar is orange. At least it was for Nemo's siblings. Anyways, I hope my fish isn't prego. We just bought her today. But she just looks much bigger than her sister [or brother or cousin or friend or tankmate or I dunno]. We didn't even name her yet! I really hope shes not pregnant. Ew. Anyways. I don't think my family will be too excited either. Especially my dad. He thinks we bought some ugly fish [just like this blog layout].  Then there will just be more uglies swimming around. The only one that will be excited is my Cat. Ever since we got the fish shes being going crazy [no pun intended---for those of you who know]. She keeps starring at the fish and following them around as they swim from side to side. Then she tries to grab them. Its quite amusing. We even put a chair for her to sit on, right in front of the tank.

Speaking of mothers. I have to take my mom to the doctors tomorrow. I told her to relax and I will WebMD her symptoms but she told me I'm "stupid" and to "shutup."  I just walked away and pretended like that didn't hurt my feelings. Sigh. 

Speaking of tomorrows. I was supposed to have my court date tomorrow because of my Civil Infraction a few weeks ago. But I don't know what happened. My dad is so odd.  After I told him I got the ticket he was like, "Don't worry about it" and "I got it taken care of." And I'm all like "You're not Superman, what do you think you can do?"  And hes all like, "Gurl! Whatchu know!" Ok he didn't really say that. He told his lawyer about my ticket and his lawyer "has got it under control." But I don't get it.  I don't know why I couldn't just have gone to court tomorrow and payed the fee and prayed the points would get waived. But no. Instead. We pay the lawyer. And pay the fee. And get two points only [instead of three]. I really don't know what my dad is thinking. He said they will be mean to me because of the scarf on my head. I said no they won't. I gave him my grandma's suggestion. She said I should take off the scarf and dress all pretty and scandalous for the court people. He didn't agree. The End. 

Now, I don't have court tomorrow. But instead in April.  I dunno whats going to happen. I keep picturing this whole case where there is a jury and I get to sit in that box thingy. And they question me and I have a lawyer. And then we figure out the cop murdered someone. And then I fall in love with the lawyer. We get married and have a son but three years later it turns out that the cop is the father of my son. Ok sorry. I got a little carried away. Anyway. I'm going to go paint my nails another coat of Bright Pink. 

Yours for the sake of Peace, Brotherhood and Birth Control,
Mrs. Cullen

16 comments:

Artistic Logic said...

hahahhaa loved the post especially the pregnancy theme you had going

by the way, if your fish has kids, doesn't that make you a grandma??

p.s. they're not mean at the court because of our hijab... alhamdulilah, i haven't had a bad experience... =)

*mary* said...

That was hilarious!
And you did have me fooled, for just a moment.

Hopefully they won't be mean to you at court. If they do- try breaking out in spontaneous song and dance. It will confuse them and they MAY just dismiss the case!

Mrs. D Lightful said...

Hahaha, congrats on {maybe} becoming a new mom!!! And sorry you still have court to look forward to. I bet it would be nice to just get it over with.

Hey, I have most humbly accepted your award! Check it out when you have a sec!

Chuckle said...

your dad is such a gangster. he's so cool. he'll "take care of it". so mafia-ish and your gramdma is funny but heygirlhey :)

i pray all goes well with your mom. iA.

and congratulations on the possibility of becoming a parent! take it from a certain 2nd grader that got guppies that she fed rice to because her parents refused to buy fish food which resulted in a unfortunate case of murder :( -becoming a parent is not an easy job. but you'll love it. even if it is only for 2 1/2 days.

Mrs. Cullen said...

chuckle! you seem to know so much about fish! teach me=)

and i will keep you all updated on my fish and my court date!!

Cheryl said...

First I was reading about fish, and then suddenly it switched to caviar.

Please don't eat your fish. Or their eggs.

fuelMybrain said...

Lawyers are such a bore, so I can see why the cop would be the dad. This could get good, keep us posted.

If you do have babies, buy one of those contraptions (like a big toy, fake coral, whatever) that the fish have access to get into so the babies have a safe hiding place and don't become dinner. Fun fun.

Nickie. said...

Hey! You've been tagged!!

Youthful Wisdom said...

I enjoyed this post =)

PerplxinTexan♥ said...

I had some fish one time. Some is actually 24. It was tragic.

The last one died in a car accident. I left it there over night. It froze to death.

Loosing a child is tough. Don't leave them in the car.

Mrs. Cullen said...

omg!!!! how did u leave the fish in the car. ahhh i can picture the poor fish frozen in the ice. alksdjfkldj

Vijayshryaln said...

Lovely happenings.... i know wat ur cat is planning!!

Mrs. Cullen said...

i know! shes planning on attacking. we used to have a small fish bowl and she would always stick her paws in the bowl and try to catch the fish so we had to move the fish bowl into the pantry, top shelf. some how she made it up there too.

Mrs. Cullen said...

oh and one time she stuck her head in there hahaha

MarjnHomer said...

salam

congrats on becomin a mom. its the most craziest, annoyingest, best job in the world!

ur dad's funny. and so is ur grandma. I found this great way to get more followers for the blog and if you guys all do it, it will bring in more.

the site is http://www.thesitsgirls.com/2008/06/welcome-to-sitstahood-we-are-group-of.html

so check it out and let me know what happens

frefre said...

:D i read only the first few sentences in biochem and i thought- "why of my friends is pregnant????" but now that i read it again, i understand

love your writing style!