Saturday, October 18, 2008

Life as a Second Grader

Not only do I teach bratty kids, but I also observe them. Get to know them. Their personality. Strengths. Weaknesses. Etc. Even when my students don't think I'm watching them, I am.

And lately I've been thinking about what I've observed and I've come to the conclusion that if life was like second grade, it would be so much simpler.

And peaceful.

And fun.

Most of the time. Or at least in my opinion.

Case in point:

As a second grader, you never have to worry about anything. Everything is basically taken care of for you through like magic or something. Some unknown force. You go to school and knowledge is magically dispersed to you. You go home and food magically appears in front of you. Same goes for clean clothes, warm meals, snacks, toys, T.V., baths, bed time stories, Christmas presents, birthday presents, and so on and so forth. You get the point.

If life were like second grade there would be no bad guys on the loose. How? Because second graders don't like cheaters and liars.And also because you always have your tattle tellers and snitches who like to report every single wrong thing that they see. They don't care who the person is, if it's wrong. It's wrong. End of story. And if it's wrong, and you're doing it, you shall have to pay the price.

If life was like second grade, there would be no such thing as getting married to an idiot. Because at this time, all boys have cooties. They are so gross and annoying. A nuisance to society. And they smell. Like feet. And you don't want anything to do with them. Now or ever.

There would be no selfish people in the world. It's all about sharing at this stage. Have a penny. Leave a penny. Need a penny. Take a penny.

Global warming would be jibberish that only old people talk about.

At this age and time, school is fun. Henceforth, not so much.

The world would be a more peaceful place if life was like second grade.The boy that pushed you in the playground and made you cry, is your best friend two seconds later. (I've seen this happen multiple times. Believe me) Imagine if this were true, there would be no such thing as war and fighting. What a wonderful world that would be.

Cartoons would be the only thing playing on T.V.

If life was like second grade, and you thought just like my students, Barack Obama would become the next president.

In this world, everyone is smart too. Second graders always, ALWAYS ask questions. They want to know everything. God forbid a question or concept is left unanswered.And if everyone in this world is smart, there are no dumb people. And if there are no dumb people then there would be no George Dubya Bush. And if there were no George Dubya, America would not be in the situation it is currently in. And if we weren't in the situation we are in now, then life would most likely be awesome for America and the rest of the world, and maybe just maybe, we would be able to watch the news and our biggest problem would be that we have new potholes---just like Canada.

But that wouldn't really affect us either, because if life were like second grade,we wouldn't be driving, now would we?


Artistic Logic said...

hahahah awesome ideas!!!!
yes second grade is so great
dude write a children's book, seriously

controlled chaos said...

that was really great.
seriously, you're writing is amazing.

Snake Charmer said...

That was pretty entertaining :) too bad I hated second grade

MarjnHomer said...

but life is wayyyyyyyyy sweeter in kg..naps..recess..10 field trips..parties..