And yes, I'm clearly talking about myself.
My father's extended family was coming over for a visit, and I decided that I rather play as though CC's not home and avoid the whole getting dressed properly, greeting properly, and making small talk when I really should be studying.
My parents were fine with it. So heck with it. I just have stay in my room for a few hours.
Then I heard voices coming upstairs-our guests were tired and wanted to lie down. So they were given my brother's room.
No biggie. I just can't go to the bathroom since that bedroom is right across it.
Then came the unsettling feeling of, "Oh crap, what the hell did I eat for lunch?"
....Then it started getting worse..."Oh man CC, how long do you think you can last?"...Apparently not long.
And there I was unlocking my bedroom door and pulling it open as quietly as humanly possibly. And of course the room they were lying in is wide open. "Well, I won't be running across." Some of the guests were downstairs and it would be awkward if they looked up the stairs and saw my disheveled mess trying to crawl my way to the bathroom.
Ok next best thing, crawl to my parents room, pray no one decides to glance toward that angle, then get in as quietly as possible, go the door that leads to the bathroom from my parents room, and just break it open somehow (its usually kept locked).
And I did exactly just that. And somehow made it back to my room when I realized I had to go back again, "Oh freaking HELL!"
And I'm trying to crawl back out of my room, when I hear voices from one of our guests making their way upstairs, "OH GOD. OH GOD ..CRAWL BACK! CRAWL BACK!"
And I crawled myself backwards, hitting myself in the process. (She was old so I was hoping they couldn't hear any of that suspicious shuffle)
She was talking to the person lying down. And I'm sitting by my door anxiously waiting for a sign to get out. And I think around the time my anxiousness was settling into panic that the voices died down.
Keeping my head shoved to the ground, I peak my head outside my door and glance into my brother's bedroom. As long as they didn't move their head around, I could make it!
And I did, while praying to God and imagining every possible scene from every movie I've ever watched when the hero always, always makes it.
And then on my crawl back I run into my cat. She stares at me very confused, then gets excited thinking we're playing some game and decides to crouch down as well and follow me and then starts meowing at me.
..."Stop that! Go away ! Shhhh!!" Like whispering at her was gonna do anything. At least my cat decided it wasn't.
They started to move.
To hell with it. I made a break for my room, hoping any noise would be attributed to my interfering cat, and the only thing that might be seen is purple wind (my shirt was purple, and I was really relying on every stereotype of old people)
And here I sit, alive to tell the (after reflecting) sad, sad story of the mid-20- something year old who crawled herself to the bathroom...in her own house...because of some seafood pasta that she had for lunch.