Monday, September 27, 2010

No one said it was going to be easy...

And if someone did, they dont know what the heck they are talking about. For real.

I'm in a weird funk. I mean, it's not a bad funk. Nor is it a good funk. Just a funk. I dont know how to explain it exactly. It's weird. Right now, life has taken an odd turn. Alhamdulilah--All praise be to God--- for the turn it has taken. It's just not how I expected life to be though. I mean, not that I had these particular expectations for life. Or maybe I did. Like within the past five or six years. But it wasn't like I expected it to go exactly the way I wanted it to. Who knows.

All I know is that life is weird. Life is good. Life is bad. Life is fun. Life is dull. Life is so many things.

I feel like everyone in the world's life is so stressed and everyone is stressed to the max, and I dont know what to do for anyone.

There's this teacher at work who works her butt off. Gets to work early. Has lesson plans up the wazoo. Plans weeks in advanced. Is organized to a tee. And she still gets into so much trouble with admin. Like she gets yelled at by the administration team a lot. Over the oddest and randomest stuff. And by some force of nature, she somehow manages to have the students with the most behavior problems in her class. I've never seen any work as hard as I've seen her work either. And she's an awesome teacher too. MashaAllah. She has so many creative and fun ways of teaching.

I feel like since she has been working at this school, her spirit has been broken. Actually I know this. We've had many conversations where she has confided in me that she loved teaching, when she was doing student teaching. She loved it. So much. But working at this school, for the past two years, has made her hate it. She wakes up every day dreading work. Dreading the students. Dreading the drive. Dreading the parents. Just dreading everything about the place. She cries so much about it. She sometimes even says that she would be so much happier as a housewife, rather than as a teacher.


I am/was just like her. I hated this job. So much. I cant even begin to explain to you what I was going through this past summer.

But during the month of Ramadan, I made so many prayers to God, beggginggggggggggggggggggggggggg God to help me love this job. I didn't want to just like this job. I wanted to LOVE this job. I want to wake up every morning, excited to go to work. I know this is like asking for a miracle, but you should always ask for the best, right?

I'm not there yet. Dont know when or if I will ever be at that stage. But I'm working on it. And I changed my mindset. My goal right now is to try and remain positive. See things from a different perspective. I thought sitting around, complaining about it, stressing out over it, and wallowing in self pity wasn't doing anything for me, except making me miserable. So I opted to take a proactive approach. Because the Final Messenger of Islam, Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said that one day he noticed a Bedouin (desert people) leaving his camel without tying it. He asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I placed my trust in Allah." At that, the Prophet said, "Tie your camel and place your trust in Allah" . You can't expect God to take care of everything, while you sit and do nothing.


So no one said it was going to be easy, but it's definitely not impossible.

9 comments:

AL said...

=)

Mrs. Cullen said...

hahahaha yai.


and inshallah you will love it. inshallah. you know i be praying for you.

Mrs. Cullen said...

and iA life will be the cool awesome way you want it to be, in a few years though.....

Rationality said...

Dear CA;
I won't say it's going to be easy to not shout at me lol just kidding
I won't say that coz your job is not easy at all. It needs patience and practice.
I know how it feels when you hate what you are doing but you don't have another solution instead trying to like it.
Life needs patience plus beautiful minds so that those minds reflect its beauty at the real life.
Enjoy your life as much as you can and seek the nice sides which your job own.
May Allah shower you with blessing and love towards your job.
All the best

Muslim Girl said...

I love that hadith <3. It says so much with so little.

supreem said...

i am with you. I feel like everyone is so stressed, and complaining so much, that it makes me feel down.. but i decided, that whenever someone complains, to direct that 'complaining/negative' energy, into action. Pray for me!!!

MarjnHomer said...

so true..loving this new positive approach about you.. i need it to rub off on me..

thenerdqueen said...

Hope that you will find success in your endeavors - teaching (esp. 1st graders) is a hard and exhausting job. May you be able to find the strength to love what you do again.

EmptyWords said...

Im in a funk too...