Saturday, November 14, 2009

Confidentiality is a virtue of the loyal, as loyalty is the virtue of faithfulness.*

I've been pondering over this issue for a while now. Maybe some of you guys can help me out with this one.

Trust. Actually not really trust. Let me be more specific. Trust in confidentiality.

It's a very rare characteristic to own these days. I'm not about to hate on people who have broken other people's trust. We all make mistakes. But I am wondering why people would continuously, purposefully break a persons trust.

Why are secrets no longer secret? Why aren't there any secret keepers out there anymore? Why do we have to think five times before we tell anyone anything anymore. People can't talk about their problems anymore for fear of it getting out.

Why is it that when someone tells someone, "Don't tell anyone," they get an uncontrollable itch to run to the first person they see and vomit out everything they just heard, with the addition of {not so tiny} exaggerations.

Why is it? Is it that they have their own problems and low self esteem they like to bring others down to look better and feel better about themselves? Is it that they just thrive on gossip and like to be the official 411 girl? Or are they just forgetful...all the time? What is it that makes a person tell other people secrets?

And I'm not talking about mutual friends either. I'm talking about acquaintances and other people that haven't even met. I can't figure it out.

I'm very lucky to have a lot of trustworthy people in my life. But these days, I think twice before I say anything to anyone outside my trust friends circle. I'm talking about non-secretive stuff about my personal life. Actually, I can't think of any secrets I have at the moment. Just stuff I don't want the whole entire world to know right now. I prefer not to have my whole life story out there. Unless, maybe I do want the whole world to know everything about me.

It's just annoying. I'll run into someone and they'll be like, "oh yeah hey how's that thing going for ya?" and I'll be like wth how do you know? If I wanted my life advertised and everyone to know everything about every detail of my life I'd facebook it every 30 seconds.

Maybe I'm fed up of everyone being obsessed with gossip. It's not just gossip though. Gossip tends to turn into slander and I don't like that.

In Islam, trust is a huge thing. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was known for being trustworthy. Even people who didn't believe in Islam and thought him a liar when it came to religion trust him with their gold, money, houses and etc when they were away. He said that there are 3 signs of a hypocrite:

1. Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie.
2. Whenever he promises, he always breaks it (his promise).
3. If you trust him, he proves to be dishonest.

There are a few people I know. This girl has told me everything about her best friends. Stuff that I know for sure that they would not want anyone to know. And they whole time I was thinking to myself why is she telling me? I thought it sucked that they have no idea. But being a hater of drama I didn't do anything about it. I feel bad. What should I do?

Remember this and never let this out fo yuor head. If a person talks smack about her best friends to you, what makes you think she's going to have anything nice to say about you. DO NOT TRUST THESE PEOPLE. Don't say I didn't warn you. it's all there in red, bold and caps.

And then there's the infamous, "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this but don't tell anyone.." line I've heard. STOP. If you do not know then do not tell. It's better to not hurt people and lose their trust. I may have pulled this once or twice. Thank God it wasn't a problem and it was tell-able stuff. It was good stuff. But like me, people might be pretty selective when it comes to sharing personal stuff. I've stopped because I don't want to get myself into a cat fight. I'd totally win, except maybe against CC, because she knows Kung Fu. But, no thanks.

I've only known one instance about my trust being betrayed, but I don't tell people anything anymore. That was enough to close me up. Well, I'm not a hermit. I just don't go into details of my life anymore. Only a select few deserve to know. I don't think it's worth the heartache of knowing someone you trusted completely had blurted everything out to people you don't even talk to but will talk about you. It spreads like wildfire, this stuff. And maybe I wouldn't have minded but it's the exaggerations, the false details the lies intermingles between that got to me.

So, people, tell me. Why do people do it? Have you done it? Have you been betrayed? Have you ever been able to trust that person again? Do you trust anyone anymore? Please tell me what youy think. :)

* quote by Edwin Louis Cole


controlled chaos said...

and if you give me punching gloves I can make you go running and screaming.

Tricia said...

I'm learning everyday to reject gossip when someone wants to dish it coz they want you react and continue the gossip..i change the subject. I had such a friend,i guess now she gets it or not

Constructive Attitude said...

I feel like everyone has a "i'm not supposed to tell anyone, but i HAVE to tell you cuz ur the exception" friend.

Falling Up said...

CC - I'll be at the gym after exams. it's on after that.

Tricia - Not gonna lie, it's hard to resist sometimes.Hearing gossip not saying. It's like tv. Someone said people who are interested in others lives are bored with themselves or something along those lines. I suppose it's true.

CA - I think we are all that type at one point or other. It happens.

Cheryl said...

I hate people who gossip. "Don't talk about things that aren't yours to talk about"- it just makes sense.

Mark said...

Knowing a secret for many people is having power. It is also a temptation to demonstrate what one knows and to impress others with that knowledge. It can be difficult to ascertain who we can trust and who we can't. Bottom line is if we don't want anyone to know about something we best keep it to ourselves. Once we tell someone a secret we are taking a chance that others will know. The real key is to live a life with no secrets.

Artistic Logic said...

dont give cc a bigger head than she already has

Mrs. Cullen said...


EmptyWords said...

I really like this post... trust is so hard these days

Lei:) said...

Thanks for commenting! My story is about a young teenage girl (mira) who finds out she has the ability to shape-shift into different animals when she has a car crash.
She tries to find out who she really is and what is going on with her and there are people who are trying to kill her for her ability.

Falling Up said...

Cheryl - Definitely. I never heard that one. yay.

Mark - I thought about that, too. Information about others being a source of power or blackmail. The problem is, people need an outlet. Some help, guidance etc if its a problem. Someone to talk to. It's hard to contain/deal with serious stuff all alone. It is for me, anyways.

AL - Too late

Mrs. Cullen - Hi. <3

EmptyWords - Trust is a rarity, unfortunately. Boo.

Lei:) - I look forward to reading story. :)

Mrs. Cullen said...

I am the same way as you are now, i don't really tell anyone anything--except for 2-3 ppl, one of which is my sister.

Anywayy, i have been in that situation many times; when someone is telling you so much stuff about their "best friend." and i have also thought "why the heck are they telling me all this." however, we shouldn't put ourselves in that situation. it makes us just as bad for listening. so next time just say "i don't want to hear it" OR put them in their place and say "why are you telling me stuff about your best friend"

ok bye

Jannah Steps said...

LOVVVE your site! :)

linlah said...

A secret is only a secret if you don't tell anyone LITERALLTY, anyone. Confidentiallity in these days is a lost art.

The Gori Wife said...

I have done it. I could never keep a secret when I was younger. It was only after college maybe, that I got better at it. And even now, I get that same itch that you talked about. I think it is probably only fear that the person whose secret it is will find out that keeps me in line. Plus, being known as a good confidant has been the reason I get the really juicy gossip first!

provoking invoking said...

i'm with you sis.

i think my problem is telling people my secret just because i know they are in a similar situation and can relate, and so i think it's ok to tell them. i have to learn to not do that and find other ways to help and advise my friends..

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