My family is Weird

"Go downstairs!!!"

"Nooo. Why don't you?!"

"Cuz I'd have to change my clothes, put on my scarf, put on contacts and thennnnn go. All you have to do is put on a proper shirt!"

"Can they see us?"

Me and my brother peeked out of my parents' bedroom looking downstairs into the family room. All we could see was the leg of one person.

"Really C, I think you should go downstairs. Mom is downstairs cooking all by herself. How could you not be helping her?

"How could youuu?!"

"Is that all you can say?! She gave birth to you!"

"So? SHE gave birth to you too!'

"But MY HANDS are hurting. You know that! I'm not even making it up. I have an excuse"

"Yeah.Ok. HER HANDS arealwayshurtingshe'ssoannoyingalwaysusingherhandsasanexecusetonotdowork"

"You know I'm standing right here. You're grumbling like an old man"

"And you have the hands of an old WOman!"

"WHY are YOUUU even hiding?!! You just need to change your shirt!"

".....I unno...."


And this is the typical conversation one would find in my house when we have unexpected guests.

First, we have protesting.

"WHY do they have to come over?!"

"Make them come over tomorrow!"

"What do you MEAN they're coming over right now?!"

"I'm NOT helping!!"

Then, the cleaning frenzy. Which involves a lot of yelling, mostly on my part, mostly at my brothers, mostly for every possible item of theirs' that I find....and will find.

Take for example item #1. Socks.

SOCKS GALORE!!!

One Sock. Ten Socks. White Socks. Every other Sock.
Socks on the couch.
Socks under the couch.
Socks by the TV
More Socks by the TV.

item #2. Books.


BOOKS And PAPERS everywhere!!

One BOOK. Ten thousand Papers. Yellow Book....Well you get the point

Next we have a running around frenzy which involves me and my brothers generally running around either to escape work or to bring back the escapees to work or running away at every sound of a car door closing thinking it's our guests.

Then when the doorbell rings....Well, imagine a cluster of um..herbivores that have detected a um.. prey coming after them and scatter away in less than five seconds to every possible location.

OR imagine an army sergeant giving his troop the order to scatter.

Either way you should have a pretty accurate picture. It's kinda like how my aunt described it once, "After ringing the doorbell, I hear a lot of running and whisper-yellings and thuds running up the stairs"

No, my parents are of course not included in this mad frenzy of me, my three brothers and my cat.

Well sometimes they can be I guess. But I'm not telling.

And today was just that day. Only with two less individuals running around. Two of my brothers where gone. Dad calls to tell us some relatives of his are coming over, by the way when we say relatives we mean third cousin's wife's sibling's in-law's second cousin's sister's neighbor and the family.

I kid. Well at least over the neighbor bit. So then that's when the process begins. And ends with the typical conversation of above, me and my brother, who were totally not dressed and already decided to remain upstairs and pretend to be A. Sleeping B. Not at home C. Non-existent or D. Sick.

And we remain there unless to A. Peek at the people B. Peek at them when they're leaving C. When our parents are heard saying in the most politest way, "Hey what are you guys doing up there? Guests are over at our house. Come meet them." And to our guests, "Haha yeah I guess they don't know you guys came over"

What else would you say with psychotic kids like us?