God and boys

The blessed month of Ramadan is almost coming to a close. Its so sad to see the days slipping away. I keep looking back and trying to figure out what I accomplished this month. I feel like I just let the month pass me by without taking advantage of it.

The whole purpose of the month was to become God conscious people. If we were to think of God frequently we'd constantly be able to put ourselves, our actions, and our behaviors in check. The minute we forget God we start to forget ourselves.

God says in a verse I absolutely love in the Qur'aan:

وَلَا              تَكُونُوا كَالَّذِينَ      نَسُوا   اللَّهَ      فَأَنسَاهُمْ أَنفُسَهُمْ ۚ

 أُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ   الْفَاسِقُونَ

And be not like those who forgot God, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient. [59:19]

Its such a beautiful thought to know that if you know God you'll know yourself. You'll know who you are, where you're from, where you're going, your purpose, etc. 

On another note...I've had something on my mind for a while now and I need to vent... so here it goes. 

Gender relations in Islam has always been a touchy subject. How do Muslims interact with the opposite gender? We know that we can't have pre-marital sex or anything else that leads up to that including dating as we know it today. Okay, what about having platonic relationships? There's different opinions on the topic. I personally went from having many guy friends, to not having any platonic relationships with them in college, to where I'm at now. I take the opinion that its fine to have friendships so long as both parties know their limits. We're all mature adults here and should know whats appropriate and not appropriate right? 

Apparently not. Since I've been married hubs and I have hung out with many different crews of people. And in terms of mixed gatherings (both genders hanging out) I've noticed such a huge difference between singles and married people. Sorry to all my single girls...I'm about to call people out. 

Older married couples that we've hung out with are so mature in their way of interacting with the opposite gender. Whenever we hang out with couples there's always interesting conversation and everyone is usually comfortable and like themselves. 

Lately though the gatherings I went to with a bunch of single friends ...maan let me tell you. People do NOT act like themselves. I've noticed this over the years and even in myself in the past. Put a guy in a room and girls will start acting differently. I remember once a guy friend of mine was with his other friend and they were acting normally. Then a girl walked by and he punched the other guy and starting joking louder. His friend called him out and said, "man, how you gon start acting all tough when a chick walks by." I was cracckinng up but its so true for so many people. 

Sometimes I see girls talking louder and acting all giddy and all I can think is "OMG SHUTTUP AND BE YOURSELF PLEASE!" I don't know if its because people are trying to get married or because people want attention especially if the person is attractive? Who knows. But to my all my ladies out there...please don't do that because its foolish and looks it.

Oh and another thing to vent about... to my single ladies...PLEASE do not mess around with immature boys who do not know how to man up. These little college guys and even older are running around acting like they're 17 trying to hook up with girls like they're game and then they pull the "I-really-do-want-to-get-married card." No homeboy, you just want some ass. And when these little boys hang out with you and tell you you're beautiful and what not TRUST ME they are talking about you with other guys. 

Best advice I ever got when I was single was from a male acquaintance of mine who said, "If a brother isn't man enough to go to your parents right now then he's a boy thats not worth your time." Hubs called up my dad barely a week after we started talking. Now thats a man. 

Okay I think my vent is done. Here were the key points:

1. Don't forget God, you'll forget your sense of self

2. Stop acting different when the opposite gender is present...just be yourself

3. Do not waste your time on little boys who need to man up ... they'll use you, talk about you, and leave you 

The end. I apologize if I offended anyone! I just need to get this off my chest. 

Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day. {from P.S. I Love You}

I was just thinking about how a little kindness can go a LONG way.

It is now my goal in life to smile when I make eye intact with someone. Or do something nice for a stranger if the opportunity arises. You never know how far that little gesture can go and turn a persons horrible day upside down.

It also might make people more aware of the fact that a little random act of kindness can go a long way. Maybe they'll pay if forward.  And maybe it'll spread and maybe eventually people won't hate on each other for no reason and the world will be good again. Was it ever good?

Anyways, because the world is ugly and selfish, I decided to try and do random good things. And to count my blessings and the beauty around me. If I post it here maybe it'll make me more aware of the good stuff in my life and stop my complaining.

Today's good things:

1. Grape leaves. Someone made them. I don't know who. People either hate them or love them. I love.

2. Tests. They make me smarter.

3. I don't like surprises when I know one's coming, but they're fun.

4. Annnnd this. WTHeck??

Shibly, the man of cheer

My sister-in-law went on vacation to England to see her family: an uncle, three brothers, and several cousins. Her brother Shibly escorted her and her three kids home.

I briefly spoke to him on the phone many times, while I received and delivered the phone to my sister-in-law.

During those conversations he would joke: You sound like a little girl ha ha ha! (in the gentlest way) I could not help but laugh with him. He told me how he loved my son's name, named after one of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad who's name means "abundance" in Arabic.  And he would encourage me to keep good relations with his sibling who I live with, as a gesture of keeping it real. 

And there he was, in person.

Everyday for a week, Shibly attracted guests, neighbors, and family members to our home. He would sit on the couch and literally all you would hear would be him talking followed by a heartfelt good laugh. Laid back, easy-going and friendly he would generate and carry-on even the dullest of conversations.

For example, my father-in-law asked him, "Is your wife older or is your (younger) brother's wife older?" His wife is older.

Shibly, who has been married for about a decade doesn't have any children, brought a handful of toys for the kids to play with. His wife and he are trying to conceive. They have been trying.

One day while he sat on the couch in the living room, he talked about the treasure of mothers.

A summary of what he said:

Child services are so expensive. In England you could get paid about 350 pounds a week in foster care, or $700. That's a lot of money. On the other hand, a mother doesn't get paid anything. For some women who chose to work (full-time) rob themselves the joy of raising their children and giving them a peace of mind. They are not only expected to bring home money but they are also expected to start their second full-time job as soon as they get home: homemaker and mother. They are on a short-end. Some cannot stand it when their children make noise. When they are excited and loud. By the second time, the kids are in trouble.

For others, mothers leave primary child-rearing to their mothers/mother-in-laws, and that is for free. What do the grandparents get in return? Nothing. Not a payment nor a gift (he meant in general child-caring is just expected of them). Yet childcare is worth at least $700 a week, per child.

All this made me think. I finished my undergrad last December and haven't been "seriously" looking for a job. One of my reasons is to care for my infant son. As a writer, I can find jobs online jobs and petty things. Most of my services end up being for free.

I'm afraid of just what Shibly described; losing precious much-needed time with my son.

I am guilty of leaving my child with his grandparents while I went to school, which I justified through a pre-marriage talk of continuing my education after marriage. I also justified that while he was a baby he wouldn't "miss me as much" or "need as much care" rather than when he was older. It would also be harder for me to leave him home once he was older and understood I was leaving him behind. I was afraid I'd be less motivated to continue my education if I gave up just then (I was in my 3rd year of college when I was pregnant.)

When I was pregnant I thought about giving it all up. At the time I was taking full-time credits, doing an internship and transitioning from single college life to married college life. I was dealing with living in a multi-family multi-complex home. I still live there.

But then I came to my senses. One of my favorite verses in the Quran is: " No soul shall have a burden laid on it greater than it can bear. (2:233)" This verse has given me the strength to carry on every time the road looked rough. God tests us to make us stronger and to bring us closer to Him.

"Your wealth and your children are but a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward. (64:15)" Subhanallah, Glorious is Allah. 


As parents, our reward on Earth is already mentioned in the Quran too...good treatment and respect from our children.


"And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims. (46:15)"

Sometimes we need people who don't have children to remind us of the gifts we have, and the blessings we take for granted.

"Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world for even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness" -Ibn Taymiyyah

Life is so weird. And I'm in a mood. So if I regret writing this later, maybe I'll delete it. But right now, here are my unedited thoughts.

Sometimes I think "treating people the way you want to be treated" is a bunch of crap. I think we should treat people, the way they treat us.If someones nice to you, be nice back.If someone is a jerk, treat them like a jerk.If someone is rude to you, be rude back! It just makes so much more sense to go through life like that. I'm tired of doing the other thing. Where I'm nice, and get treated like dirt. Or when I'm constantly putting myself out there, only to be disappointed by them time and time again. And sure everyone has their own obligations and priorities and what not, so I have no one to blame but myself for hoping. But at the end of the day, when all is said and done, it's still not fair. And I'm kind of tired of it.So I'm just giving up.And I'm just going to change how I get treated by people.And I'm only going to rely on God. inshaAllah. Because this constant feeling that I'm feeling, is making me tired. And it's draining so much from me. And I just cant do it anymore.

So I'm letting go of you.

And you.

And you.

The story of The End of an Era..... and the Beginning of a New One

A long, long time ago, in approximately 1984, my parents migrated from Bangladesh to the United States of America. Just as any parents(or humans, rather) that migrated prior, during, and after that time period, emigrated to the United States of America: for a better life.

So upon entering the land of the free, my parents moved into a house that was owned by my maternal grandfather and grandmother. They resided their with the latter, my two uncles, and my mom's sister and husband and kids, and then us. There were many a people living in that house. It was literally bursting at its seams. Four bedrooms, and each bedroom was occupied by each family. My family was in the master bedroom cause we had the largest family at the time. It was my mom, my dad, my older sister, older brother, and me.

Eventually as time went on, so too did our family members. Until it was at the point that the only people still living in that house was us. My immediate family. And by then, we had grown to an additional family member. And then another. And another. No one in the extended family wanted to stay in that area, they wanted to get out of the "ghettos", which is kinda ironic cause they left one ghetto to live in another.

Aside from that though, we were the only ones left. And my dad had already enrolled us in a school that he really liked so he bought the property from my grandfather and we stayed.

For 27 years.

This past April, we finally moved out of that house, and into a new house away from the depreciated urban city .

For the past five months, since we purchased, signed, sealed, dotted the I's and crossed the T's, I hadn't given much thought to the upcoming change that was looming. After all, there was much work to be done to the new house. Much, much work. It almost seemed like we would never move in. Or by the time we did move in, I would be married off and in a house of my own.

It's funny how one's words could become so true.

So here I am, writing this post while sitting in the new house, and not really wanting to write it.

And also while sitting in the new house, talking to my brother about my new apartment.

I'm moving out of the current new house and moving on to my new life.

With a new person.

The person that I hope and pray that I'll be spending the rest of my life with. InshaAllah, God willing.

And so here I am.

Here we are.

And this is the end.

But also, the beginning. InshaAllah.

P.S. I am very dramatic, I know.

One day, with a fly swatter, we shall conquer the world

Dear World,

I'm not sure why but I'm so irritated with you right now. Yes, YOU. I imagine everyone and everything and I start getting this annoying gray cloud over my head.

...I just went back and re-read the two lines I just wrote and I've decided that this post is going to be different. It's not going to be be about me ranting and rambling about how I couldn't sleep because of my throat and how professors are frustrating and other stuff like that. It's going to be positive and inspirational!

So hold on while I think for a second.......

Oh I do have something to share. I was at my University clinic the other day and I had to turn in my school ID card well, for ID purposes. After the nurse practitioner that checked me out and and basically made me come out feeling like an idiot patient, (I hate it when random practitioners make you feel like that) I went to pick up my ID card. The lady at the front desk had a collection of some international passports ( I think for the international students?) and ID cards. I tell her my name and watch as she naturally moves towards the international passports and I stood there quietly watching her as she looked through each passport.

I could have saved her some trouble and told her , "Excuse me ma'am but I turned in my school ID card, and even if I did turn in a passport it would be an AMERICAN one"

Instead I decided 1. it really wasn't such a big deal anyways 2. I'm sure she'll figure it out soon enough 3. I'm too lazy and I have nothing else to do all day 4. I am not about to call somebody ma'am...I don't know why but I always felt weird even using that term in my head.

Anyways, it turned out that I had to tell her anyways cuz she was getting kinda confused when she couldn't find me. And in her defense, my ID card was kinda hidden.

ANDDDDDD that's it. Moral of the story is, well I don't think there is a moral. Okay this story had nothing to do with positiveness or inspiration, I don't even know why I just told you guys about it.
I'm confused.

I'm just going to give you a moral of the story anyways and it ISSSSSS, (*looks up cool sounding Chinese proverb*) ' Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead'

Because, you know, the hatchet can kill them. So the moral of the story is buy a fly swatter!! And use it gently people, seriously, those things can hurt.

Note: This moral is for another story, a story...in the future...the sometime very soon future of one day.

Sharing a meal: when faith and culture unite

Yesterday my mom cooked iftar, the meal during the time of breaking fast, for my husband's family and neighbors. In the Bangladeshi culture, parents prepare a large iftar meal for their married daughters, sisters, and sometimes aunts (female married off relatives) as a sign of upholding relations.

The meal consists of some basics: chicken or meat biryani (rice with spiced meat) kisoori (lentil and rice soup with herbs) chana (black peas with potatoes and ginger) and fyazi (fried lentil kabobs with mixed spices), dates, and sweets.

Additional items can also be given: aloo chop (potatoe kabobs) meat or chicken kabobs, fried spiced and seasoned eggplant, and other finger foods that are easy to distribute. Some people make it fancy as well. This year my mom added chicken nuggets for the kids.

source: xanthis.wordress.com

The food is then brought to my house and distributed by my mother-in-law, who will give it to family members, family friends, and neighbors. 

Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him said, “Whoever gives Iftar to one who is fasting will have a reward like his, without that detracting from the fasting person’s reward in the slightest.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi).

Special packaged ready-to-distribute foods are given during other times of the year as well. For example, if I went to stay over my parents' house for a few days, I'd be expected to take something back to my home to pass out to my family and my husband's family.

I love when Islam and culture unite. Share food and share faith.  

I don't like bacon anymore.

Muslims, like Jewish people, aren't allowed to eat pig or pig products in any form.

I happened to be obsessed with it. When I accidentally ate baked beans with bacon bits in it, I attributed the good taste to the bacon bits. Some Muslims are shaking their head at me, thinking I shouldn't be so obsessed. God said don't eat pig, He didn't say I had to abhor it. I've never intentionally tried pig/pig products. Ever. I don't even eat meat that isn't Zabiha or kosher {Muslims can eat meat from Jews and Christians}.

I'm just a curious cat.

Anyways, my obsession ended the other day.

We have a KFC here that serves Zabiha meat. Zabiha = meat that is prepared in the Islamic way. Like Kosher for Jews. I'm not sure what Christians call their method, but I will look into this. Basically I can eat all the sandwiches and fried chick'n I want. It's finger licking good. And it feels finger licking good, too.

One of us ordered the Doublicious. We didn't know bacon was involved. I don't know how we did not know, but we obviously didn't look at the picture or read the description. Short story shorter, it stank & KFC is responsible for killing my curiosity. And it looked gross, too. Maybe because it was fast food. Maybe it tastes better than it's appearance. This was an important milestone in my life. And I was met with disappointment. I guess it's a good thing, from a religious perspective.

We returned the sandwich, telling them we didn't know about the bacon strips and they kindly replaced it with a new one, which smelled completely different. And it was yummy.

The house near the school I went to swimming classes for as a child had a dog. 

And a pet pig. And we weren't even in the boonies. 

I hope they didn't eat it. Eating your pets is a no-no.